a little lost and frustrated

Trying to figure out what is going on with Ladybug has been frustrating.  I don't know.  I am a parent.  Not an expert.  I do know this is not normal.  I do not feel like she is a lost cause.  I just know living in this current state of reality is not good for her or for me.

First let me say that we had a FABULOUS day.  She was tired.  She took a nap all on her own.  But she was great.  Loving.  Sweet.  Affectionate.  Cooperative.  We had the best grocery shopping trip ever.  Okay -- maybe not ever but in my accessible memory bank.  She answered my questions.  Responded to me.  Did run away -- she did run up and down the aisles but she stayed within eyesight.  She asked.  She didn't freak out when I said no.  She used the words "please" and "thank you" throughout the day without prompting.  It was a great day.

Despite all my complaining and questioning, I have felt hopeful since embracing the idea that maybe, just maybe, Ladybug is dealing with an attachment disorder.  Not that I have a clue as to what to do with it. But maybe I am heading in the right direction.  I know I still need to get her diagnosed (tested) and I need education on what to do.  But I at least I am seeing a possible light at the end of the tunnel instead of wondering where the damn tunnel is.

But (oh come on, you knew there was a "but" coming) this week I have had 2 conversations that seem to be trying to put me back in the dark.  Let me just say that I have respect for both these women and I love them dearly.  But the conversations were hard.

My step mom is a neuropsychologist.  So I went to her and asked about Ladybug.  I mean this is what she does -- testing and diagnosis.  She immediately told me that Ladybug does not have an attachment disorder.  She told me that Ladybug does have Sensory Processing Disorder (which she has been diagnosed with) and possibly is ADHD.  But there is no way that she has an attachment disorder.  And I felt deflated.  And then I remembered in my reading that a lot of attachment kids are diagnosed SPD and ADHD and the attachment is missed initially.  But I have a professional telling me that I am barking up the wrong tree.

Then today I called my mom.  She is a nurse with a psychology background.  I told her about some of the incidents these last few weeks and how I handled them.  She really came down on me.  She told me I can't "diagnose" Ladybug.  I haven't.  But she said that I am acting like I have.  That because I have started using some of the methods of dealing with attachment issues I have diagnosed her.  And that without a diagnosis I should not do that.  I got a little testy.  What I know is that what I had been doing was not working.  Maybe she doesn't have an attachment issue.  But if the methods help her be successful at school and at home why can't I use it?

So I am feeling like someone is trying to take my tunnel away -- and I want my tunnel.

Mean Mama