it was coming

I could feel the blow out coming.  It is not hard to see.  But I guess I should be happy that we haven't had one in a really long time.  But it really doesn't matter.  The longer it has been since the last blow out, the more disappointing the next one is.

She came home from the holidays and managed to get back into the swing of things.  She went back to school without difficulty.  Then last week school fell apart.  Her behavior contracts had many X's.  So many that I received an email from her teacher.  I took responsibility.  I know she feeds off of me.  I know she reacts to me.  I know that my terrible week last week was sending her into a tailspin.  I just hoped if I stopped -- she would too.

It didn't.

I could still feel her spinning out of control.  Her behavior at school improved.  And her behavior at home declined.

It was all in her attitude.  She started saying "NO" to me.  With authority.  With defiance.  Everything upset her.  Nothing made her happy.  Her first reaction was mean, unhappy, disgusted.

I was able to snap her out of it every time.  But the relief was short lived.  She would right back there soon. 

I picked her up from school today.  She didn't want to come home.  She was too busy talking to her friends.  She threw her backpack at me.  She was upset I walked to get her (we live 1/4 mile from the school).  She told me not to "worry about it" when I asked her how her day went.  She refused to walk with me.  She smiled when I got upset with her attitude.

So I made a snap decision to just let it all out.  I remained calm.  I remained clear.  No anger.  But I pushed her.  And she snapped.

I told her I didn't want to be mean (something she had been accusing me of that all week) but I was running out of options.  She looked at me quizzically.  I told her I didn't want to take away TV time or computer time or any other privilege but I didn't have any other options if she was going to continue to act like this.

She looked at me and said, "You have another option.  You could put me in the parking lot and then run me over with the car."

And, believe it or not, things went downhill from there.  She kicked.  She hit.  She cried.  She screamed.  She stripped.  She thrashed.  She locked herself in the closet. 

But after about 1.5 hours she came through the other side and was able to calm down.

Happy weekend!

Mean Mama