attachment update

You may be thinking that attachment stuff is no longer a problem in my house because I have not mentioned it in a while.  YES!  She is cured!  Our house is perfect.  We no longer have any issues!  Really?  Okay, if you believe that you must go back and take the basic Attachment for Dummies 101 class (if only that existed).

The reality she has been fan-flipping-tastic most of the time.  Well, for her.  She is not a sweet, little, quiet, polite, mature girl.  She never will be.  And, dare I say, I might be bored with a child like that.  I still worry about school.  Not because she isn't smart.  She is.  She just doesn't want to prove it -- likes to keep expectations low.  Not because she gets in lots of trouble.  She pointed out to me the other day that she hasn't been sent to the principal's office yet in first grade -- I had to tell her that was a good thing.  But she does get in trouble all the time at school.  For drawing when she is done with her homework.  Or shaking her head -- beads.  Or singing in the bathroom. Or yelling at lunch.

So I made her a deal today.  If she came home with only 1 "X" on her behavioral contract today I would let her watch American Idol.  She got 2.  One was noise related.  One was not playing nice with a classmate.  So technically she got 1 "X" by my standards.  But she greeted me when I went to pick her up by slamming into me at full speed.  It hurt.  And then she kicked me in the butt while I was talking to another kid.  And then she laughed at me when I got upset about it.  And then she took an attitude with me when I asked her to carry HER backpack to the car.

She knew she had lost American Idol and she was determined to make it a terrible night.

When we arrived home it got worse.  I asked her to do her homework (reading a book to me).  She stomped upstairs.  She stomped through the house.  She huffed.  She puffed.  She started reading to me.  Well... she mumbled to me. 

About half way through the book (One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish) she started sobbing.

This is where I had to go back to Attachment for Dummies.  Number 1 rule about parenting a child with attachment issues is... if it feels wrong, it is probably right.

Through her sobs she manages to ask me to stop being mean to me.  I was mean to her?  She kicked me.  She laughed at me.  She was rude to me.  And I was being mean to her?

Yes, I was mean to her.  And her sobs and tears proved it. And it just got worse.  So I asked her if she needed a hug.  She didn't know.  I asked her if I should just let her cry.  She said yes.  So I did.  That lasted about 5 minutes before she asked me for a hug -- through sobs.  So she crawled on my lap and snuggled into my chest.

And then I gave her the chance to earn American Idol back.  This is where any sane parent says something like, "Oh that is so wrong!  Stay strong.  Do not do that."

She had to finish her homework -- without complaining.  She had to fold her clean clothes and put them away -- without whining.  She had to take a shower -- without fighting.  And she had to eat her veggies -- without me begging.  If she did that she could watch idol.

She took the deal.  And she had a good night.

Mean Mama