The more things change...

So Ladybug has been fabulous in school.  One of the support teachers came to my office the other day -- for a meeting about a client -- and let me know how impressed everybody is with her complete turn around.  Not one bad day.

But when I picked her up today at the after school program, the worker let me know that she was all attitude today.  She seemed fine by the time I got there.

But then I made a mistake.

I took her to her skating lesson tonight.  But I forgot to wear a sweater.  I wore a jacket but I was too cold still.  I just was not in the mood to be cold.  I am so over winter.  So instead of sitting on the freezing cold bleachers, I went into the cafe and watched from a warm room with a window.  Worked for me.

After skating I was helping her take her skates off when a little approached me and asked if I was Ladybug's mom.  Great!  Another conversation about how a white mama has a black daughter.  But I kept a smile on my face and answered nicely that yes I was.  At which point she announced to me that Ladybug had been mean to her during the lessons.  Her mother was mortified and dragged her off -- and made her apologize a few minutes later for telling on Ladybug.

I tried having a conversation with Ladybug about it.  She cried.  I tried to point it wasn't about the girl telling on her but about her being mean.  She cried.  I tried to ask why she had done it.  She cried.  I tried to come up with a behavioral plan that could help.  She cried.

And then a light went on in my head. 

We were driving home when it hit me. 

Me: Are you being mean because you were scared?
Ladybug: NO!
Me: You were afraid or scared?
Ladybug: Of what?
Me: Because you couldn't see me while you were at your lesson.
Ladybug: Maybe.
Me: Were you scared that I had left?
Ladybug: Yea.
Me: And that I wasn't ever coming back for you?
Ladybug: Yep.
Me: So you thought because your couldn't see me that I was gone forever?
Ladybug: Yes.
Me: If I were to leave, I would always come back for you.  I would never leave you.  I will always be your mother.
Ladybug: But you haven't always been my mother.
Me: True.  But since the day you came home with me I have been your mother.  And from that day forever forward, I will always be your mother.  Can you trust that?
Ladybug: I don't know.

Yep.  There it is.  Attachment.

Mean Mama