Made for movies

When you have a foot in the foster care world you will come up with some interesting stories. And when you tell those stories to people who do not have a foot in the foster care world they always say it sounds like a Lifetime movie. My foot is not firmly planted in the foster care world. It was. But since I am not a foster mom I do feel detached from it.

As stated in an earlier post, I spent 2 years in the foster care when I was a child. This led to my adoption. And my separation from 5 of my 6 siblings. By far, the most dramatic of my siblings is my oldest sister, T. She was actually not adopted. She was placed with bio grandparents. I was about 13 years old when we first made contact again. But then I moved half way across the country and did not see her for a while. When I was in college I flew back to my home state to meet one of my bio brothers for the first time since our removal. T lived just one state away so we decided to call her and ask if we could come down to meet her.

We called T and asked. She seemed hesitant. She told us it wasn't a good time. Not a good time? She hadn't seen me in 6 or 7 years and she hadn't seen J (brother) in about16 years. Not a good time? I pushed a little and then she explained the situation. T had 3 boys. Her 2 oldest boys were from her first marriage and her youngest was from her current relationship. She explained that the boys were getting off a school bus and a drunk driver passed the bus and hit 16 kids. Some were not seriously hurt but her 2 oldest boys were. They were in the hospital fighting for their lives and she was unsure if they would make it. She spent all her time there and she could not entertain us. Not a good time!

I talked to the sister I was adopted with, A, and told her. We spent the next few months talking to her every few days. Through these conversations we gathered details. The drunk driver was a local politician. The hospital was donating time to care for the victims. The Elks (or Lions, I can't remember now) club was fund raising. This was way before the time when I would just get on google and find the details myself. Then a few months later we received the phone call from T when she told me that her 2 boys had died from their injuries. A and I immediately offered to fly out for the funeral. We wanted to support her. I was not a mom but I could not imagine what it would be like to lose a child -- or two.

T refused. She asked us not to come. She said it was just going to be a small affair. She wasn't working. She didn't have money. She just could not bare to face us. She wanted this to be really small and private. So we didn't go.

And, as sometimes happens with reunited families, we drifted. My relationship with T became really strained because every time we talked she asked for money. Not $20. She would always ask for $200-$300. I was making about $13,000 a year. I just couldn't send her any. But she asked. And I said no. And it strained our relationship. And eventually we just stopped talking. But A stayed in touch with her.

And then I got a call one day from A. The message, "You will never believe what is up with our family now. Call me." I was stumped. Really! I mean, it had to be a surprise. But what could be thrown at me that would surprise me? I was beyond the point of being surprised by my family. So bring it on. Tell me.

I called A. She told me that she had received a call from T. T had decided to become a born again christian. Apparently one of the things she needed to do in this process was to confess her sins to those she had sinned towards.

Okay. Still in the dark. What had she sinned about?

A explained that T had lied to us. Lied? About?

The boys were not dead. Actually the whole drunk driving accident was a lie. They had never been hit. They were not in the hospital. They were not dead. So where were they? It had been almost 5 years since she told us they were dead. Where were the boys!?

A explained that they had been removed from the family by CPS and were in foster care. What? Your children are in foster care and you tell me they are dead??? Who does that???

Okay, I was surprised. Stunned. I couldn't not have come up with this story if given a million years to guess.

That week I managed to find the case worker and have a brief conversation with her. They were not in foster care. They were adopted. It was a closed adoption. They were adopted together. And that was all she could tell me.

I never got beyond it. I never talked to T again. It has been over 15 years since that phone call. I can not understand it. I can not get over it. I can not forgive.

Mean Mama