honesty and manipulation

I picked up Ladybug from daycare yesterday. She looked up at me and said:

Ladybug: Mama, I need to tell you the truth.
Me: Okay. About what?
Ladybug: I punched J in the privates today.
Me: What?!?! (trying to pick my chin up from the floor)
Ladybug: I punched J in the tenis.

Pause...

Me: Okay, honey, first it is a penis and...
Ladybug: I punched J in the penis.
Me: Okay...
Ladybug: Girls don't have penis.
Me: No...
Ladybug: Girls have a vagina.
Me: Yes... (beginning to feel like I can not get a word in edgewise)
Ladybug: Mama, how did my first mommy die?

Head spinning.

Me: Um...well...
Ladybug: Did she die in a hospital?
Me: Well are you asking me where she died or what caused her to die?
Ladybug: How did she die?
Me: Well something got in her blood and it made her very sick.
Ladybug: And she died.
Me: Yes.
Ladybug: But I wasn't in her belly when she got something in her blood. (statement, not question)
Me: We don't know that. But maybe. But you didn't get sick.

Exhausted.

At some point I will need to get back to the "punching J in the penis" part but I could not think of a way at the time.

Tonight's topic when I picked her up...

Ladybug: Mama, how do babies get in bellies?
Me: Well, that is not so easy to explain. (Or maybe it is just not comfortable to explain to a 5 year old.)
Ladybug: MOM! Just tell me.

Mean Mama