The theater

My boss (big boss) has season tickets to the theater. I normally would not be aware of this except that one of my jobs is to keep his calendar. So I need to make sure that he doesn't have anything scheduled late on theater days. But it is such a minor part of my job that I don't even notice it any more.

Last week I got a surprise. Big boss is also married to a lawyer. And she is was in trial last week -- apparently her paralegal doesn't keep track of her schedule as well as I do. Big boss didn't want to go to the theater by himself. Which I understand -- being single. So he gave me the tickets. GAVE ME THE TICKETS! Orchestra. Center. Fabulous seats. Oh, and a free parking pass. Parking is not a huge headache but it was so nice to drive right up and be let into the garage. Without paying. This is not my life -- but I am willing to play the part for a night.

A few weeks ago I accidentally took Ladybug to a ballet. I know that sounds strange. How do I accidentally take Ladybug to a ballet? I thought I was taking her to a play. It was only once we were seated that I realized it was a ballet. It went okay but not great. So I was scared to take her to the play. But it was Beauty and the Beast. I had to take her. A play had to be better then a ballet for a 5 year old.

We rushed home from work/school and ate a quick dinner. Okay, I cajoled, and begged and threatened until she choked down a few bites of dinner. She was so excited. Then I threw a fancy dress on her -- with sparkly blue butterflies. Then she threw on her new (to her) dress up shoes. I knew this was going to be a mistake. But I won the dinner battle (kind of) so I let her win the shoe battle. I asked her to go to the bathroom. She ran to her bathroom and came out about 5 seconds later. "Ah! No!" I told her she didn't even flush the potty. So she ran back into her bathroom and flushed the toilet. NO! So I made her sit on my potty in front of me. I am not going to get up in the middle of the play to take her to the potty. I AM NOT!

She spent the first half of the play sitting on the edge of her seat or sitting on my lap. Of course she asked questions through the entire thing. She has only seen the movie 1,000 times. I may not be exaggerating when I say that. How does she need any explanation? First half is over and she wants a drink. No surprise with all that talking! So we head out to the lobby. We get a soda and a brownie. $6! Where else would I spend $6 for that? But no complaining since the rest of the night is free. By the time we get the drink and brownie the announcement comes that the second act starts in less then 5 minutes. So we head back in to the theater. We get to our row and Ladybug looks at me and says, "Mama I need to go potty!"

Did ya see that one coming?

NO NO NO NO NO! I am not going to the potty! What is this girl's fascination with public bathrooms. But do I really have a choice? No. You do not mess with a 5 year old and her potty. So we rush out. All that is going through my head is that I have purposely developed a large bladder over many years so that I do not have to stand in the ridiculous lines of the women's bathroom. Why does every woman need to go to the bathroom at an event? But we have arrived so late that we breeze in, take care of business, and breeze out. We rush back to our seats with just a little time to spare. Of course we are in the center so everybody in the row had to stand up to let us through.

The second half was just as fabulous as the first. And when it was all said and done Ladybug sat on the the edge of her seat bouncing and clapping in excitement. I think it was a hit.

As we were leaving we got behind a double date. At least I think it was a double date. The girls were wearing high heels that were at least 6 inches high. Again, I may not be exaggerating. As we exited the building and I was staring at the feet of these girls in amazement (how do women walk in those) Ladybug informs me that her feet hurt. Oh why did I let her win the shoe battle? And her dress shoes are flats. I can not longer carry her 2 blocks to the parking garage. She is no tiny little thing anymore. So being the bad mama that I am, I took her shoes off and let her walk barefoot. Kind of gross but so much more pleasant then hearing her whine.

Mean Mama