failing

I have failed. Miserably. I did not get back down to 265 before Thanksgiving. And the holiday food did not help. It actually hurt. So Project Hopeful is about to get some more money I did not plan on.

I am back up to 270. BLECH!!!! 23.8 pounds this year. BLECH!!!!

When I finished the last round at the end of October I felt good about myself. I liked the way things fit. I liked that I fit comfortably into all my winter clothes. I am planning a trip to the mountains over Christmas so I want to feel comfortable. Without needing to buy any clothes. I wore all the clothes last year too. But they were tight. And uncomfortable.

This weekend my step mom took Ladybug and I to the store to find a dress of Ladybug for her birthday. We picked out a few good options and proceeded to the dressing room. Big mistake. The lighting! The mirrors! My fat self! Not a good combination. As I sat on the stool helping Ladybug in and out of the dresses I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The image did not help my self image.

It is no wonder that nobody has noticed my weight loss. Not my sister -- who is also trying to loose weight. Not my step mom -- who is very weight focused. Not my dad -- who for the first time is having his own weight issue. Not my co-workers (okay one has noticed -- and that was really nice to hear). What people know is that I am fat. And they are right.

So tomorrow I start one more round of starvation dieting. Starting tomorrow. Ending on December 21. Leaving for the holidays on December 22.  The goal is .... well.  I am hoping for 15 pounds.  Will be happy with 10 pounds.  I can do this.

I can do this.

I can do this.

Please let me be able to do this.

Mean Mama 
PS - 23.8 down and 120 to go.