gorging

When I first met Ladybug she was almost 21 months. She was almost 21 pounds and 28 inches tall. She was tiny. TINY! In her short life she had learned something that no child should ever learn. She had learned that food and water were not always available.

That first week in the agency guesthouse she would pick at food if it was offered to her. It didn't occur to me that she never asked for it. I was a first time mom who was sleep deprived. I was clueless. Once we were home we fell into a routine. I made breakfast. I made lunch. She had water whenever she wanted it. I made dinner. And she ate. A lot. She ate bananas, eggs, and oatmeal for breakfast. It was months before I learned she hated eggs and oatmeal. Why? Because it was food. If it was provided -- she ate. Because she had learned food wasn't always available.

At one of her doctor appointments my doctor asked how much she drank in a day. I said 8 or 9 full bottles (usually water). The doctor thought I was insane (well, actually she always thinks I am insane -- and not in a good way). What baby drinks 8 or 9 full bottles a day. I didn't know that was unusual. She peed a lot too.

When she was home for about 5 weeks we went to visit my parents. One night I made her a plate of spaghetti (another food it turns out that she hates). My father scolded me. He said a baby can't eat that much. Really?? Watch this. Not only did she eat that but she ate 3 full plates -- before I stopped the food production line. My father sat at the table in a state of shock.

I went under the theory that once she was secure and out of a growth spurt (catch up) she would slow down on the food. And I was right. Sort of. After about 6 months home she stopped eating everything in site. She became a picky eater. I discovered foods she won't touch (like the ones previously mentioned and tomatoes, chinese food and mexican food).

She continued to grow. The average child grows 2 inches in a year once they become a toddler (so I read somewhere that I can no longer remember). She grew more then that. She has been home for just over 4 years. She has grown 20 inches. That is 12 inches more then the average child. She went from being a shorty to being an average child. She went from being 21 pounds to 56 pounds. Yes she is a chunky girl and she carries it all in her butt. She went from wearing a size 9 months (at 21 months) to 6X -- but not jeans (they don't fit over her butt).

But I see the long term affects of her early months. She went to a pool party with a friend and the mom called and said she wasn't feeling well. Said she threw up. I asked what she ate. She started listing off things. It went on...and on... Why??? Why would you let her eat like that? Stop her. Don't let her gorge.

A couple of weeks ago we went to another party. Every time I turned around I found her grabbing food off the buffet table. I would redirect her and send her off to play. And then I would find her there again. Finally I told her she was done. No more food. She had had enough. Another person -- a friend of a friend I did not know -- stepped in and said "She is hungry. Let her eat." Why why why do I always find myself justifying my parenting decisions?

She was not hungry. There is no way the girl could have consumed the amount of food I SAW her consume in one day and be even slightly hungry. There is no way I would feel hungry. Her need to eat had nothing to do with hunger. At least not physical hunger. She is my child. I do watch her (not just let her run around unsupervised). She was not eating because she was hungry. And I shouldn't have to justify that.

But the problem is... I don't know how to resolve this. She has an issue. But do I let it ride and hope it resolves itself? Do I try to deal with it? And if so, how? Does this require professional help? Is this something she will struggle with her entire life?

Mean Mama