Totally Wine

The holiday frenzy starts. I am having Thanksgiving at my house. In a moment of weakness I made the offer. My first. Well, with family. I have had several with friends.

One of the things that I had to do was buy wine. I don't drink much. I once had to take a lie detector test for a job. They go over the questions with you prior to administering the test. They don't want to register a surprise. They want to register an untruth. When it got to drinking habits he laughed at me. He asked me to categorize my drinking habits. Alcoholic? Heavy drinker? Social drinker? Non drinker? I told him I was a social drinker. He asked me to define social drinker. 3-4 drinks per month? 3-4 drinks per week? 3-4 drinks per day? I told him maybe 6 drinks per year. He laughed. I mean roll on the floor, tears rolling down his cheeks laughing. Once he calmed down he explained that would make me a non-drinker.

I hate beer. Hate. All. Can't even pretend to choke down the stuff. I have tried wines. And people laugh at me about that too. I like sweet wines. Ridiculously sweet. Grape juice with alcohol. Not very sophisticated. But it is what I like. I also love sweet drinks. But for the holiday dinner I need wine. So I headed out to the wine store. With a list.

I need a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc or Pinot Grigio for my step mom. I need a bottle of Cabernet or Malbec for my dad. I can do that. So I go to the wine store. Not a liquor store. Not a grocery store. A wine store. There is a whole aisle devoted to each of those types of wines. A whole aisle. For each. Luckily each one has a description of the taste. Unfortunately that means nothing to me. Do I want oak or citrus or... I don't know.

And apparently I look like I don't know. Because not one but 2 sales people come at me offering help. One backs off and the other one helps me. He is preppy and peppy. I think he needs some of the wine he sells. But he is also 12. NO! I swear. Okay, maybe 13. He definitely hasn't started shaving yet. I am so old. I am taking alcohol advice from a 12 year old. But I swallow my pride and listen to him. He finds me a Sauvignon Blanc and a Malbec. You will have to wait a week to see if they are any good.

I then decide that I need a bottle of wine for myself too. I can at least play sophisticated for a day. So I tell him I need a ridiculously sweet wine. He takes me back to the tasting station. Who knew! I can have samples of wine before I make a decision. He pours a red. I taste. It is good. He drinks it too. Maybe he isn't 12? He pours me a second wine. White. Oh my!! Talk about ridiculously sweet. It is like drinking syrup. It is good. But a little too sweet. Even for me. I opt for wine number..... 1.

And right before I leave my preteen wine genius I remember that my bottle opener is in storage...at my mom's...700 miles away. So I ask my boy genius where I can find a bottle opener that does not require a college degree to use. I figure he must know that since he is 12. He hands me one and tells me... "I have been using this one since I was 11." No joke. Direct quote. Must be good. He has been using it for an entire year. So I bought it.

One holiday errand done -- too many to count left to do.

Mean Mama