get up

I took a few days off of blogging.  Not intentionally.  It just happened.  Because my life was depressing.  And it was beginning to paralyze me.  I watched a lot of TV.  Played a few hidden object games on the computer.  Lost my temper with Ladybug.  I could not shake the funk.  The job -- or lack there of.  The money -- or lack there of.  The bills -- not lack there of. 

I have to say that it is amazing how quickly my house went from nice to barely livable.  I did not fold the clean clothes and they sat on the kitchen table all week.  Ladybug came running downstairs last night naked.  When I questioned her about it she just retorted that all her clean clothes were in the kitchen.  And even that didn't motivate me.  She did the same thing this morning.  The dishes were piled high in sink.  I had no food in the house -- almost literally.  There were crayons and barbies strewn around the living room.  I haven't vacuumed in weeks.  And there were piles of dirty clothes in my room, in her room, in the laundry room. 

And I didn't care.   Okay that is not really true.  I cared.  But I did nothing.  I sat down and did nothing.

Finally I sucked it up last night and did something.  I paid bills.  Which was depressing.  I made a few phone calls.  I did the dishes.  And I went to bed early -- just 30 minutes but still early.  I woke up feeling like I could face the world again.  I put a load of laundry in.  I made pancakes. 

And then I sat down again.  Really.  It is like there is super glue on my ass when I sit down.  Nothing gets me up.   I sat there for about 4 hours.  I knew I should get up.  But I didn't.  Then my step mom called.  Twice.  And I finally got up.  I went food shopping.  I did a few more loads of laundry.  And I cooked. 

If I can keep moving maybe I will soon have my life back in order.  And if I can get my life back in order maybe I will feel better.

Mean Mama