She then pointed me in the direction of some workshops. She wanted me to go to an evening workshop on Positive Discipline. I had a few issues with this. First, it is evening. I am single. And I am also anti-social so I have nobody to watch my child. And this is not about discipline...although I am not sure what it is about. I didn't go.
Now she has invited me to a 6 week workshop. This time it is during the day. The day. Haven't I mentioned that I work? Mondays. 11am-12:30pm. It is a class for parents about how to have successful play sessions with their children that accomplishes several things, including the child having one-on-one time; child feeling heard and appreciated; child seeing parent as wanting to develop a closer relationship (the child's perception, not that there isn't already a good relationship); helping the child become more cooperative due to the focused attention and the language.
Okay. Am I paranoid? Is the second time she has told me that this is all about me? I am a bad parent. Apparently. But after some initial hesitation, I have decided to do it. And my boss has given me permission. I do have some worries about starting this program at the same as the therapy -- which starts in about 10 days.
But while I had her on the phone I let her know that I signed a release for her to talk with the new therapist. She said she got a copy of the release. And then she asked what I was hoping for from therapy. What???? Isn't that how I got hooked up with her in the first place? I don't know. Do you think they are going to lay out an entire plan after meeting with me for just an hour? So I said -- may be looking ADHD or attachment or something like that.
And her response was...
Oh no. I don't see that at all. She is a perfectly normal child. She is great. I have met with her for about 5 or 6 weeks now. I am very busy and I have a lot of kids to see each week but I make her a priority each week. She is a perfectly normal child and she has no real issues.
And there it is again. I am the crazy one. She is normal. So I am crazy. But wait...did I miss something? My perfectly normal child is a priority for an extremely busy school counselor? Why is my perfectly normal child a priority for her? Oh wait... I know why this doesn't make sense to me ... I am the crazy one.
Mean Mama
Oh, that has attachment disorder written all over it!!!
ReplyDeleteTrust your gut. You are NOT crazy. Your child behaves differently with you than with the counselor, and that is NOT your fault. She fears the intimacy with you, so she pushes you away. She charms the counselor. It is textbook.
That said-- the parenting workshops might be GREAT. Definitely at least worth a try. The only thing I am sure of on this journey with my son is that I cannot change him, I cannot change his behavior or his response to me, I can only change myself, and how I deal with him. That does NOT mean I am the problem. His problems were there long before we met. But I can only control me- so learning new parenting strategies is a good thing.
Good luck! You are not crazy!
Welcome to the crazy club. I am in the club too. Tators school can't understand why she misses so much school for therapy appointments. She's a perfectly normal child for them. I want to tell them to touch her and look into her eyes everytime they talk to her. Then see what happens.
ReplyDeleteWhen she is in a loving, cooperative mood and I put my hands on her face and ask her to look at me she smiles at me (with her eyes) and looks directly into my eyes. When she is not in a good place (which is when I usually need that eye contact) and I put my hands on her face and ask her to look at me, she turns her face to me, grins like a growling dog, and rolls her eyes to any corner she can. Eye contact is impossible for her most of the time.
ReplyDeleteThat counselor is full of shit. And I don't say shit very often.
ReplyDeleteListen to your gut. Kids learn to manipulate and fool adults all the time. You know her best.
That eye contact thing is textbook. Hope you can find someone to work with you that instead of blaming you can help bring out the best in your parenting a kiddo with attachment issues.
Maybe you've already read this, but I really liked the book The Connected Child by Dr Karyn Purvis.
She is a champion of helping attachment disordered kids and their families.
She also has videos online about attachment that are like, hours long. Free workshops. Late at night on your own time. In your sweatpants. A drink in one hand and notepad/pen in the other.
I know some parents that swear by her.
If I can find the link I will come back and let you know.