Special Needs

There have been some really rather heated discussions on some of my groups this week. I have stayed out of it. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. I am not really known for keeping my mouth shut but it seems to be happening lately. They are all good discussions but sometimes I take a statement out of context and all of a sudden what is written does not make any sense. And I have to wonder if it is what they meant to say.

In order to understand my state of mind you must first know what I did yesterday. I was sick. Fevers, chills, aches. Overall miserable. So I set the child up with movies in the living room and retreated to my room. One of the major disadvantages to being a single mom to an only child is that when I can not crawl out of bed she gets a lot of screen time. She loves it. I don't. When I retreated to my bed I took my computer and I watched a few movies on instant Netflix. One of the movies I watched was Babies. Let me just say, every person who is a parent, wants to be a parent, is considering being a parent, or knows a parent should watch this movie. It makes you think. And the little baby from Africa is so freaking cute and just loved watching her.

The discussion on my group started (I think) on the topic of ethics in adoption. Things like agency fees and practices, relinquishment, and disruptions came up. In the midst of all this someone said something like (and this is not a direct quote) every international adoption should be considered a special needs adoption even if the child is completely healthy because they haven't experienced everyday things like watching television, using a telephone or even riding in a car several times a day.

Crickets...

When Ladybug came home at 21 months she had never seen running water (even her orphanage did not have running water because the streets were under construction and the water had been turned off for a few months), she had never seen a televisions until the plane ride home (I had to turn it off because she kept hitting it and annoying the guy in front of us) and had ridden in a car only a few times. But everything was a phone. She held everything up to her ear and babbled. So that made her special needs? Don't get me wrong -- I am not offended by the term "special needs." I just don't think it is appropriate to be so broad in our definitions. As a matter of fact I think that making the definition that broad makes it very egocentric. If a child has not had all the advantages of an American childhood they are special needs? Because they do not have everything that we do?

Who said our life is the best? Who said the American life is the standard? And everyone who does not have that is less? Special needs? It just doesn't sit well with me.

Ladybug is not an easy child. She has a stubborn personality that challenges me. I struggle. She is even diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder. She was adopted. From Africa. As a toddler. I am still trying to see anything that makes her a special need. She is a child. A little different from the norm or average. But every child is a little different from the norm or average. Maybe every child is a special need? But don't call her special needs just because she was born somewhere other than America.

Mean Mama