one step back

Today went well.

I cleaned -- because it had to be done.  She colored.  Started a journal for her summer vacation (which I was going to suggest but she thought up all on her own).  She watched a little TV.  She played dress up.  She was cooperative with photos.

Then we headed out to Target to get a few things she needed for summer camp.  She was sure she had everything she needed.  I was not so sure.  I asked her to just trust me.  She shut up but I could see the doubt written all over her face.  When we arrived I asked her to work with me in the store.  We were there to get things for her -- please cooperate.  And she did.  For the most part.  She got pissy with me when I told her we would not be going to the pool today (she lost that yesterday when she would not listen to me at the pool).  But she got over it.

The we headed out to go grocery shopping.  She danced every where -- typical.  She wanted anything that is junk food -- typical.  She wanted to go stare at the cakes -- typical.  She sang along with the radio playing on the loud speaker -- then got stuck on a song -- annoying.  But overall it was one of our best food shopping trips in a long while.

We were driving home.  We were almost home.  When this conversation happened:

Ladybug: You know Mom, I don't really care about you. (said deadpan and serious)
Mama: (ignore -- do not engage)
Ladybug: Mom, I don't love you.
Mama: (keep ignoring -- do not engage)
Ladybug: I just want you to know that I do not care for you.
Mama: How do you want me to react to that?
Ladybug: I don't care if you react.
Mama: So what should I say?
Ladybug: I don't care.
Mama: (by this time we have arrive home) Well I am going to put the food away and I think maybe you need to think about what you are hoping for by saying that.

She sits down at the kitchen table as I put away the food.  When I am almost done, I continue the conversation.

Mama: So have you thought about it?
Ladybug: What?
Mama: What were you hoping for when you said that?
Ladybug: It was an accident.  I didn't mean to say it.
Mama: You can not accidentally say something 3 times.  You said it.  You meant it.  It was not an accident.
Ladybug: If that is what you want to believe.
Mama: Go to bed.

I didn't care that it was only 6pm.  I didn't care that she hadn't had dinner.  She didn't fight it.  She just went.  And stayed.  It is nearly 4 hours later.  She is asleep.  I have a feeling she was asleep soon after she got to her room.

It makes me scared for tomorrow.  She starts summer camp tomorrow.  She might blow out.  But the other 2 women in my office are on vacation all week.  I have no ability to leave the office during the day.  I must stay in the office.  I hope she doesn't blow out.  Please don't let her blow out. 

I guess that depends how I handle the morning.

Mean Mama