Unpopular opinion

Take the title seriously.  What I am about to write will define me as a bad mama -- not just a mean mama.  And specifically I am a bad adoptive mama.

Oh and one more warning... spoilers for Kung Fu Panda 2.  Do not read if you like being surprised by animated movies.

We went to King Fu Panda 2 this weekend.  Ladybug was looking forward to it.  We enjoyed the first one.  She wanted to see the second one.  For the record...we liked this one too.  She can't wait for 3 to come out.  And I do think there will be a 3 because of how the movie ends.

And somehow that makes me a bad mama.  At least in the adoption world.  My groups, boards, and list serves have exploded in outrage over this movie.  The implication is that the adoption language and ideas are so bad that no adoptive mom would take their child to this movie.  It will, after all, scar the child for life.

So what is so bad about the movie? 

Well, Po is a Panda.  Adopted by his dad who is a goose.  Only apparently he doesn't know he is adopted.  Really?  Panda...goose...panda...goose.  How did he miss it?  Trans species adoption.  There is a part in the movie when Tigress says something like, "You didn't know you were adopted??" dripping with sarcasm.  The implication is...how did he miss it?  I laughed.  And Ladybug looked at me with a quizzical look and said, "How did he not know he was adopted."  Duh!  Even my 6 year old understood he had to have been adopted. 

It reminded me of just before Ladybug came home and I was out to breakfast with friends.  One of my friends brought her daughter -- who was about 13 at the time.  The daughter looked at me and said, "Do plan on telling her that she is adopted?"  I paused and thought -- do not say something sarcastic, she is just a kid.  So I pulled myself together and said something more like, "Well, given the difference in our races I think it will be obvious but adoption will be an open topic in the house."  And then all of my friends laughed. 

And then there is the scene where his dad tells Po how he came to him.  Okay, he is not really adopted.  He showed up on the back stoop and the goose raised him.  Close enough to adoption.  The complaint I have heard from adoptive moms this week?  As the goose is telling the story of how he got Po, the goose is clearly uncomfortable and afraid.  And tender and caring.  The complaint?  How could the dad be ashamed to tell Po the story?  Really?  We are parents.  Not robots.  We get uncomfortable.  I got uncomfortable telling Ladybug about giving birth the other day.  Maybe the goose was not ashamed of the adoption story.  Maybe he was ashamed that he hadn't told the story sooner.  Maybe he was scared how his beloved child would react.  Maybe he was scared Po would leave him.  I saw no problem with this scene.

If you think you can handle any conversation with someone you love, try it.  Try explaining tampons to you kindergartener.  Try talking about oral sex with your grandmother.   Or maybe those things only happen in my life?

One more scene that has been criticized by several adoptive moms...the ending.  After all is said and done the movie ends (presumably as a lead to movie number 3), you see Po's biological father say, "My son is alive."  Throw up your arms in disgrace.  How dare a movie suggest that the fantasy that a birth parent is out there looking for the child they gave up.  Okay, first a spoiler.  Po was not given up for adoption.  He was lost.  There was no adoption plan.  This is a parent who would have raised his son, if given the chance.  So maybe it is realistic that a bio parent is searching for the child?  And guess what...welcome to reality...some bio parents do search for their bio children.

When Tangled came out (another story connected to adoption because Rapunzel is stolen from her parents and raised by a quasi-adoptive mom -- evil as she may be), I read all these bad adoptive mom reviews if we dared to take our children.  Now we have it again. 

Chill out.  Relax.  It is a kid's movie.

Remember that adoption is not THE thing that has happened to your child... it is ONE of the things that has happened in your child's life.  Adoption doesn't have to be serious - all the time.  I mean, it was a process that I took seriously.  But it doesn't have to be a heavy topic.  Lighten up.  I annoy my aunt when I say in one breath that it must be genetic when I do something similar to my adoptive mom and in the next breath I say that I am so glad I am adopted when she does something crazy.  My aunt says I can't have it both ways but that is one of the beautiful things about adoption -- I can have it both ways.  Sometimes when Ladybug is really silly I will say to her, "Where did you come from?"  And she will say with all the exasperation of a teenager, "Mom! You know.  Africa!" like she is really saying -- how many times do I have to tell her this before she remembers it.  Am I scarring my child?  Well...maybe.  I mean, she is in therapy for attachment issues.

Whatever!  It is a movie.  A kid's movie.  Lighten up!  Enjoy the movie.  Be happy.  And stop complaining about everything adoption if it is not said, done or portrayed in a perfect manner.

Just my opinion.

Mean Mama