some days are hard

Last Friday was one of those days.  I probably should have known it was going to be a hard day.  But I didn't.  We had gone to an outdoor movie the night before and we got home really late.  So she was going to be tired.  And that is never a good thing.

But I woke up late and started rushing around getting ready for work.  I did not pay attention to her.  Not in the way I needed to to understand what was going on for her.  I made her breakfast.  I showered and dressed.  I made my breakfast.  I made her lunch and snacks.  I did the dishes.  I made tea.  She got dressed.  She hadn't finished breakfast.  I threw her in the car and told her to finish it in the car.  We drove to summer camp.  She didn't eat.  I began to panic.  She was tired.  She couldn't be hungry too.  She needed to eat.  Or she would blow out of camp. 

I couldn't have her blowing out of camp.  Not that day.  There are 5 people in my office.  Two attorneys, two paralegals, and a secretary.  The secretary and the other paralegal had been on vacation all week.  I did not have the ability to miss work to go pick her up because of a blow out. 

Just eat. 

I was getting pissed.  And she just sat there.  Doing nothing.  A big bite in her mouth.  But not chewing.  Not smiling.  Not getting mad.  Nothing.  Just sitting there.  And it was getting later and later.  After half hour I gave up.

Let me define "gave up" for you.  I left the camp with Ladybug.  She was going to work with me.  She was going to be bored.  But I couldn't deal with a blow out.

She came to the office with me and sat on the phone.  She did nothing.  I gave her no entertainment.  This was not there for fun. 

But she was determined to win.  She didn't complain.  She didn't test.  She was going to sit there and wait me out.  But at about 10 she looked at me and said...

Mama, I am hungry.

And I thought...please don't let me head explode.

Then "mini" boss came in.  He is not a parent.  He has no social skills.  He is a self absorbed brat.  He asked Ladybug why she was there and she said because she refused to eat her breakfast.  Then he turned to me and asked -- in front of her -- "That is it?  You bring her to work because she refuses breakfast."  Like I hadn't been beating myself up all morning.  I was not at all sure I was doing the right thing.  I just didn't know what I should be doing.  But either way, don't question my parenting in front of my child.

At about 11 she looked at me and apologized.  I asked her what she was apologizing for.  She gave me a song and dance at the same time she was dismissive and rude to me.  I took about 30 seconds of that.  Then shut her down again.

At about 11:30 she really apologized.  She as sorry.  From head to toe.  With her words and her actions.  And then everything changed.  She turned it all around.  She tried.  All afternoon.  All day.  All weekend. 

I don't know if I did the right thing on Friday.  I don't know if there was a better way of handling things.  But something worked in her.  She told me tonight that I am the boss.  Yes.  I am the boss.

This parenting thing is all a crap shoot.

Mean Mama