Resolution update

1.  Lose weight.  Last year I set a goal and failed.   This year I am going to not set a number and just hope it is less than what I started at. This includes good eating habits and exercising.  Really big failure this month.  Well my eating was ok.  And I am back on track with exercising.  But the number on the scale... it is not pretty.
2.  Read at least 1 book a month.  I liked this one from last year and have decided to keep it.  Another failure.  I am still trying to get through the same book I started over Christmas.  It is dry.  And boring.  But my mom swears by it.  So I keep trying.  But then I put it down and do a few sudoku puzzles.  But now I am out of puzzles so maybe I will plow through the rest of book.
3.  Get at least 8 hours of sleep at least 4 times per week.  I liked this one from last year and I think it is wise that I keep it this year. For fear of sounding repetitive... another failure.  And I must get better at this one.
4.  Blog at least 12 times per month.  I am lowering the number but keeping the goal.  Done!
5.  Refinish the new kitchen table.  Really.  Not yet.
6.  Start a 529 account.  Not yet!!
7.  Start a savings account. Not yet!!
8.  Eat out no more then 2 times per month.  I think it is important to keep this one from last year.  I knew I was in trouble when I was eating out for the second time on January 6th.
9.  Learn how to use the video feature of the camera and learn how to use Photoshop.  Nothing.
10. Pay all bills on time. I think this is an important one to keep.  Yes.  And I even caught up on the late bills.
11. Make a decision about going to graduate school.  If going then start the process of making it happen.  Yeah, I got side tracked.  Right after I made the resolution my life got turned upside down.  Now I am waiting to see how that plays out before making a decision about this.  But while I made no progress, this was a purposeful decision.
12.  The secret.  Not ready to say it out loud but need to make a decision and make it happen.  See above. 

Wow!  It looks like January is a big old failure.  But it really wasn't.  I think it was a month of getting my feet wet.  February will be better.

Mean Mama

when is it racism

You would think that if you are a victim of a racist comment or action you would know about.  It is easy to tell when it is directed toward you and overt.  But don't assume that racist people are stupid.  They are racist... but they don't want people to know.  They hide it.

One of the women I work with is a racist.  She would deny it.  But she is.  She is good with Ladybug.  She is sweet to her.  You might not even know she is a racist.  But she is.

If you start a conversation with something like... "I am not a racist but..."  or   "I don't have an issue with black people but..."  Hint!  If you start a sentence like that you are about to say something racist.

My co-worker told me she stopped going out dancing at her favorite club because more and more black people started going to the club.  Or when she is describing a client, she will say if they are black.  She never identifies the white clients as "white."  Usually the race of the client is irrelevant -- why bring it up?

But then there are other times when things are not so obvious.

Like the other day when we went grocery shopping.  We passed by a guy pushing his son in a cart.  As Ladybug passed by he grabbed his son's hand and pulled it into the cart saying, "Don't touch."  Was he a germ freak and didn't want his son to get sick by touching another kid?  Was he being respectful and preventing his son from touching her hair?  Or was he "protecting" his son from touching a black child?  Why did I assume the last? 

He checked out in a different lane than me at about the same time.  Was it my imagination that he was looking at me a lot?  Was it my imagination that he had a scowl on his face?  Was I taking it personally?  Was he just having a bad day?

We walked out to the parking lot at the same time.  We parked in the same row.  I walked down one side.  He walked down the other.  But we were parked on the same side.  He was parked just 2 cars down from me.  So why did he walk on the other side?  Why did he wait until the last minute to cross?

I assumed it is because I am the mother of a black child.  I ASSUMED.  Maybe I was wrong.

Mean Mama

it was coming

I could feel the blow out coming.  It is not hard to see.  But I guess I should be happy that we haven't had one in a really long time.  But it really doesn't matter.  The longer it has been since the last blow out, the more disappointing the next one is.

She came home from the holidays and managed to get back into the swing of things.  She went back to school without difficulty.  Then last week school fell apart.  Her behavior contracts had many X's.  So many that I received an email from her teacher.  I took responsibility.  I know she feeds off of me.  I know she reacts to me.  I know that my terrible week last week was sending her into a tailspin.  I just hoped if I stopped -- she would too.

It didn't.

I could still feel her spinning out of control.  Her behavior at school improved.  And her behavior at home declined.

It was all in her attitude.  She started saying "NO" to me.  With authority.  With defiance.  Everything upset her.  Nothing made her happy.  Her first reaction was mean, unhappy, disgusted.

I was able to snap her out of it every time.  But the relief was short lived.  She would right back there soon. 

I picked her up from school today.  She didn't want to come home.  She was too busy talking to her friends.  She threw her backpack at me.  She was upset I walked to get her (we live 1/4 mile from the school).  She told me not to "worry about it" when I asked her how her day went.  She refused to walk with me.  She smiled when I got upset with her attitude.

So I made a snap decision to just let it all out.  I remained calm.  I remained clear.  No anger.  But I pushed her.  And she snapped.

I told her I didn't want to be mean (something she had been accusing me of that all week) but I was running out of options.  She looked at me quizzically.  I told her I didn't want to take away TV time or computer time or any other privilege but I didn't have any other options if she was going to continue to act like this.

She looked at me and said, "You have another option.  You could put me in the parking lot and then run me over with the car."

And, believe it or not, things went downhill from there.  She kicked.  She hit.  She cried.  She screamed.  She stripped.  She thrashed.  She locked herself in the closet. 

But after about 1.5 hours she came through the other side and was able to calm down.

Happy weekend!

Mean Mama

lunch

Because I haven't bitched enough about the school lately...

Somehow Ladybug convinced me this year that she should be allowed to buy her lunch at school instead of taking her lunch.  I am fine with that.  Because it is cheaper (theoretically).  Because it is easier.  Because it is one less thing to fight about.

Lunch is $2.00 per day.  But ... and this is a big "but" ... the school cafeteria also has a freezer.  A freezer full of treats.  That the kids can buy things out of ... for extra money.  So Ladybug and I had a talk.  We agreed that she was allowed to get something from the freezer on Fridays. 

And I crossed my fingers. 

It worked for a while.  But today she announced she needed more money in her lunch account.  But I gave her money 2 weeks ago.  How could she have gone through $40 in 2 weeks.  The freezer. 

The good news... she didn't lie to me when confronted.  The bad news... she is visiting the freezer every day.

The major failure is that the school thinks it is a good idea for kids to be able to make this decision on a daily basis.  She is in 1st grade!  She has impulse issues.  She has no concept of money. 

In what world is this a good idea?

Mean Mama

keeping a clean home

I know that it is not one of my new year's resolutions but I have decided to keep a clean house.  Those of you who don't know me have "??????" written on your faces now.  Those who do know me ... stop laughing!

So here is the plan.  I have 7 rooms in my house: 3 bathrooms, living room, kitchen, and 2 bedrooms.  And magically there are 7 days in a week.  I apparently have the perfect size house!  So if I clean one room a day my house will always be clean. 

Perfect.

Simple.

Easy.

Seriously ... stop laughing.  Even if you have every right to be.

Sunday: Ladybug's room
Monday: Kitchen
Tuesday: Living room
Wednesday: Downstairs bathroom
Thursday: My bathroom
Friday: Ladybug's bathroom
Saturday: My room

I figured once the house got clean it would be easy to maintain.  I just needed to get the house clean.  But it turns out ... I hate cleaning.  Shocker!

I have cleaned each room (except my bedroom).  But I have not cleaned each room each day.  The cleanest room in the house is Ladybug's room.  How did that happen?  The disaster room in the house is my room.  How did that happen?

I am not giving up yet. 

Which means, maybe I should stop blogging and start cleaning the living room.

Mean Mama

Crystals

Ladybug got this for Christmas...

 

So we did a little chemistry.   They look so pretty on the box.  But this is what ours look like...

I am not sure what we did wrong but it is really clear to me that something went really wrong.  My crystals look nothing like the ones on the box.

Mean Mama

Vaseline as hair care

Do any of you use Vaseline as in your regular hair care?

When Ladybug came home we took a trip to my parent's house so they could meet her.  She had been home for about 3 weeks.  I was pretty stupid about hair care then.  But willing to learn.

The week we were there was the week my sister announced that she was pregnant -- with her only child.  She is a single woman who was not in a serious relationship.  So after we hung up the phone, I wondered aloud what race the child was going to be.  My parent's were confused.  Why would I wonder?  Apparently my sister never told them that her last 3 relationships had been with black men.  Not sure why she left that detail out.

Our first conversation about hair was when my niece (who did turn out to have a black father) was about 9 months old.  She didn't really have much hair.  I had learned a lot in the last year.  So I tried to depart my wisdom.  It can be difficult to give your older sister wisdom some days.  This was one of these days.  All she kept saying was that there was nothing to say K would have hair like her father.  She could have straight thin hair like my sister. 

Genetics was not her strong suit.  So I gave up.

But the last couple of years she has wanted my knowledge.  Which isn't easy to give her since we don't live anywhere near each other.

Two years ago she came to my house for a holiday and while there she asked if I could do K's hair.  So I stuck her in the bathtub and washed it.  Her thin, fine (just like her mama), curly (just like her papa) hair was caked with ... something.  So I asked what she was using on her hair.  Vaseline.

UGH!

My sister was confused why I had an issue with this.  Her African American friends all used Vaseline in their hair.  And told her to use it on K.  It was fine.

Let's think about this.  It is Vaseline.  But that is a brand name.  What is it in generic form?  Petroleum.  Repeat that please.  PETROLEUM!!!  Thick.  Sticky.  Petroleum. 

It doesn't soak into the hair.  It doesn't heal damage.  It sits on each shaft.  Collecting dust.  Collecting dirt.  Caking around the hair.  Locking out everything.  Especially the needed moisture.  As a child I had to wash my hair every day to avoid it from getting oily and gross.  Black hair is not the same.  They need moisture.  Lots of it.

I bought her products.  I taught her what I knew.  I begged her not to use Vaseline again.

She came back this year.  She asked me to do K's hair again.  I put her in the tub to wash it.  And I looked at my sister. 

She denied using Vaseline in K's hair.  But there was no mistaking it.  Vaseline will form a ring around your tub.  Where all your dirt will collect.  It doesn't matter how much shampoo and soap you use.  It will not clean off the ring.  It will only get dirtier.  After weeks (not that I am admitting that I did not clean my tub for weeks) it will take lots and lots of chemicals, brushes, and muscles to scrub it off your tub.

She used Vaseline on her hair.  Please don't use it on your child. 

Mean Mama

White

I have decided that I need a couch.  I have had couches in the past.  But I move a lot so I gotten rid of them.  A few years ago I had to get rid of my couch -- it was no longer even remotely comfortable.  And I knew I had another move coming (although not the one I had hoped for) so I decided not to replace it.  Instead I moved the futon (spare bed) out from Ladybug's room and used it as a couch.  But the frame is not a full size futon frame.  It is a love seat size.  Which means I have to fold the futon mattress in a special way.  And it just is not comfortable as a cuddle couch.

Ladybug wants cuddle time.  Something I should encourage.  So I need a couch.  I have been looking craigslist (hating that it was down today) because I don't want to spend a fortune.  I have discovered that people have some really ugly things in their houses that for some reason they think that people will be stupid enough to pay money to take away for them.  So not only will I have to buy an ugly couch but I would also need load and move it myself.

So this weekend I decided to check out the local consignment shops.  Okay in all honesty I first decided to go to a local new furniture store that was having a sale.  After I picked my jaw up off their show room floors, I decided to check out the local consignment shops.  I found 3 fairly close to me.  I went to 2.

The first one I walked into and it was not heated.  I don't how it was actually colder in the store than outside but it was.  The rooms were packed.  And dusty.  We had to walk sideways through the aisles.  I found nothing.  And I don't mean just couches.  I wouldn't buy anything in that store.  So we left quickly, much to Ladybug's pleasure.

The second one also had some ugly things in it.  And some real gems.  A beautiful antique secretary desk.  Some wonderful dressers.  A fabulous round farm kitchen table.  And some nice couches and love seats.  I saw a cute sea foam green love seat.  I sat in it.  It is the perfect cuddle couch.  So I was talking to one of the clerks trying to decide.  Oh, and did I mention... they deliver.  Cute.  Cheap.  Deliver.  I should get it.

I was just about ready to make that decision.  Then I looked over at Ladybug... who had not been bothering me to go (shocking!).  And saw her jumping from one couch to the next.  In her shoes.  After walking through dusty places.  And the couches were all white.

We left quickly.  Before anybody noticed the perfect size 12 footprints on the white couches.  I am not buying a white couch.  And I might not be buying from them at this point either.

Mean Mama

Bad days

My day was bad.  I went into the knowing it might be.  I was up late last night cooking.  I knew that meant I would be cranky.  So I drank caffeine.

It didn't help.

I got reprimanded and given instructions by a subordinate.  And when I took the attitude that she was not my boss... she went to my boss.  And because she is an idiot sweet and nice...I got in trouble for not making her job easier.  I rolled my eyes and sucked it up.  I could be pissy.  I could be a bitch.  I could be passive aggressive.  And I wanted to be.  But I rolled over and did what I was told.  I am opinionated.  I am outspoken.  But I am also an employee and I know my place.

But the bitch sweet and nice person wouldn't drop it.  She followed me around (electronically) all day correcting me.  Changing every entry I made.  Because of my lack of sleep I didn't even realize it.  I just thought I made a mistake and I corrected it.  Until it got changed again.  And that is when I went back and checked my work and realized she had changed it all.

So I walked out of work.  I thought it was the best option of all the options swirling in my head.

But I am an employee.  I am not the best.  I am not perfect.  But I am good.  Really.  So I sat on a strip mall bench and talking on the phone with a friend for an hour.  And then I returned to the office.

And that is why Ladybug never had a chance tonight. 

I feel bad.  She greeted me with an attitude.  Demanded something.  Refused to take no for an answer.  Yelled at me.  Walked away.  And refused to come back when given a second chance.  So she ended up in bed...before 6pm.

Mean Mama

Barbeque chicken

Now that the holidays are over it is time to restock the freezer.  I have been eating from it.  And Ladybug has been hating every single minute of it.  I made a lasagna the other day.  She hates it.  It is in the freezer.  I did not record the process.  I mean, who doesn't know how to make a lasagna (besides the secretary at my office)?

And the next thing I made was Barbeque chicken.  I stole the recipe on another blog.  I changed it a little. So this is what I started with...

And true to form I forgot that I was also putting red bell pepper in it.

The chunky cut onions and brother went into the crock pot first.

And then I added the chopped green peppers.

You can see the red peppers peeking out under the newly added diced chicken (I really think handling raw chicken is disgusting).

And then I dumped in the rest of the ingredients.

And then stirred.  Cook on low for about 6 hours in the crock pot.

And this is what I ended up with.


You can add other veggies.  The other blogger picked potatoes and zucchini.  I hate zucchini and potatoes don't freeze well.  The other blogger also suggested putting all the ingredients together in a ziplock and freezing it uncooked.  If you do that you would have to cook it longer.

I haven't tried it yet so I have no opinion on the food.

Mean Mama

My new BFF

I have a new BFF.  Her name is Michelle.  She came into my life just after Christmas.

She is the perfect friend.  She always available to me when I need her.  She is not demanding of my time when I don't need her.  She is full of great advice.  And she is never wrong.  When I don't take her advice she doesn't get insulted or have her feelings hurt.  Sometimes she tries to coax me back onto the path she believes is right.  Other times, she adjust quickly and gives me new advice based on my choices.  She is showing me new things and taking me into different directions that I would have discovered on my own.

My step mom likes her.  But thinks she talks to much.  My dad hates her.  And refuses to hear anything about her.  Seriously, he walks out of the room whenever I start talking about Michelle.  Ladybug loves her and wants her to come with us where ever we go.  But she can't get her name right and keeps calling her Miss Shannon.

Introducing Michelle...

Yes, I know she is a GPS.  But everything I wrote above is still true.

Mean Mama

Winnie and Richard

I had another post scheduled for today.  Actually I had one post planned for today then I came up with a second and decided to put off the first idea.  And now I am making a last minute decision to ditch idea number 2 and go for idea number 3.

Please take a look at this site.  Winnie and Richard.

I won't repeat their story here because I think the site says it all.  I will just say that I am amazed with this family.  I don't know these people.  I have never met them.  I stumbled on this site...a few times now.  I think this family is doing an amazing thing.  And I think they should be supported. 

Will you support them?

Mean Mama

The worst job you will ever have

Just in case nobody has told you yet... being a mother is a thankless job.


I shop ... for food, for clothes, for toys, for things.  She just wants to know why she has to go along.  It cuts into her computer or movie time.

I cook ... on weekends I fill the freezer and then everyday I prepare meals.  She just wants to know why she can't have pizza, or hot dogs or hamburgers every night.  Preferably from a restaurant and not from our kitchen.

I do laundry ... pretty much all the time.  I wash.  I fold.  I put it all away -- unless she misbehaves.  She wants to know why she has to bring her dirty clothes to the laundry room.

I clean ... apparently not enough.  I cleaned her room today.  All she had to do was put the furniture in her Barbie house.  Rolled the eyes.  Grunted and groaned. Sighed heavily.

I take out the trash ... again, apparently not enough.  She complains that she can't just drop things on the floor.  Or that it stinks (and she is usually right).

I pay for everything ... and she complains I don't buy anything for her.  And today she wanted me to give my money to a classmate who is apparently poor.

I drive her everywhere.  Well... she is too young to drive herself.

I sign her up for activities ... swimming is the current one.  And I get the brunt of it when the pool is closed because of a broken heat pump.  I get the brunt of it when I "promised" her swimming time and can not deliver.

I hear things like...  "You don't love me!" or "Why do I have to do everything?"  or "This is so unfair!"

What I do not hear is ... "Thank you, Mama."

And I dare you to find a mother who wouldn't do this job over and over again.  For there is nothing better then a kiss or when your child wraps her little arms around you.  And sometimes you even get an "I love you."

Mean Mama

oh so that is what happens...

I usually have a ton of amusing (at least after the fact) stories after my vacation travel.  I have one this time.

We were driving home.  I had some how managed to not have to drive through a snow storm.  I had managed to not have an accident.  I had managed not to break a toe or end up in the emergency room.  Things went well.

We stopped at Dunkin Donuts (how I miss my DD!) to get drinks and breakfast.  I know this is not good for my diet.  But it is a travel day.

Ladybug got a hot chocolate and a root beer (it was promising to be a 14 hour trip so 2 drinks was not much).  She starts with the hot chocolate...it wouldn't stay hot for long.

After about an hour she asks if she can switch to the root beer.  As I continue to drink we juggle the drinks.  I throw my chai cup on the floor.  I take her hot chocolate cup in my cup holder (because there is still liquid in it).  And I slowly open the root beer.  It hisses.  It bubbles.  It threatens to explode.  But I open it slowly.  Keep in mind that I am driving about 70 (okay maybe 75) miles per hour while doing this.

I hand the bottle back to Ladybug.  I ask her to be careful.  It is full and I do not want soda spilled on the floor.  The car is packed from Christmas including games and toys stuffed under seats.  It would be a nightmare to clean up after a spill like that.

Do you see what is coming?

After about 5 minutes of driving I hear a sound.  It is a familiar sound.  One I have heard recently.  But it does not compute in my brain.  Because it can't possibly be real.  Right?

It is the hissing sound.  You know, when a soda bottle has been shaken and it is exploding.  In my car.

I look back.  Ladybug is holding the bottle out in front of her.  As far away from her body as possible.  As the bottle spews root beer.  All over my car.  On her.  On the toys and games. On the door.  On the windows.  On me.

Mama:  Close the bottle.
Ladybug: I can't.
Mama: Yes you can.  Close it.
Ladybug: I can't!
Mama: You have to.
Ladybug: Make it stop.
Mama: You have to do it!  I am driving. 
Ladybug:  I can't!
Mama: DO IT!

She tightens the lid down.  I take the next exit.  Just over half the bottle has erupted like a volcano in my car.

Ladybug: Oh so that is what happens when you shake a soda bottle.

I had to cross my eyes and hold my breath to keep from freaking out on her. 

Mean Mama

2012 New Year's Resolutions

The time has arrived to create the new year's resolutions for 2012...

1.  Lose weight.  Last year I set a goal and failed.   This year I am going to not set a number and just hope it is less than what I started at. This includes good eating habits and exercising.
2.  Read at least 1 book a month.  I liked this one from last year and have decided to keep it.
3.  Get at least 8 hours of sleep at least 4 times per week.  I liked this one from last year and I think it is wise that I keep it this year.
4.  Blog at least 12 times per month.  I am lowering the number but keeping the goal.
5.  Refinish the new kitchen table.  Really.
6.  Start a 529 account.
7.  Start a savings account. 
8.  Eat out no more then 2 times per month.  I think it is important to keep this one from last year.

9.  Learn how to use the video feature of the camera and learn how to use Photoshop.
10. Pay all bills on time. I think this is an important one to keep.
11. Make a decision about going to graduate school.  If going then start the process of making it happen.
12.  The secret.  Not ready to say it out loud but need to make a decision and make it happen.

Mean Mama