a month gone

1.  Lose 123 50 pounds. Keep trying
2.  Read at least 1 book a month.  At least one of them must be a self help book but not all can be self help.  Come Find Me -- by some author I have forgotten.  Not a great book.  Sing Me Home -- by Jodi P-something.  Good book.  I enjoyed it.
3.  Write the next great American novel a short story.  I am having a hard enough time writing the necessary legal documents I am required to write for my job.
4.  Find a new job.  Took a break from looking.  Will start again in September -- hopefully.
5.  Move.  Still on square one on this one.
6.  Buy my first home.  Again, this one has to wait until 4 & 5 are done.
7.  Pay off all credit cards FIA credit card.  Done!
8.  Make at least one pair of earrings a week.  Removed.
9.  Get at least 8 hours of sleep at least 4 times per week.  I got so much sleep while on vacation.  Otherwise I didn't do so well.
10. Blog at least 15 times per month.  Easy.
11.  Get child enrolled in a sport. She wants dancing, karate, gymnastics, swimming, ice skating, and singing.  Oh boy!
12.  Get involved with a charity.  Nothing.
13.  Refinish the new kitchen table.  I have a plan.  I bought some of the necessary tools. 
14.  Enroll in a creative class -- writing, jewelry making, pottery...  Removed.
15.  Start a 529 account.  I will open this account in September.  Seriously.
16.  Clean the house once a month.  Did good. 
17.  Eat out no more then 2 times per month.  Surprisingly easy this month.   Well, if you don't count the eating out during travel time.
18.  Call my friends and family more often -- rely on the internet less.  Removed -- because it is too simple.
19.  Start training for the Boston Marathon.  I know this seems out of the blue for most but it has been a long term dream of mine. Too flipping hot.  soon -- i promise.
20.  Fold and put away the laundry within 24 hours of washing it each week.  Removed.  And I refuse to feel bad about my complete inability to do this.
21.  Buy a new camera and take more photos of Ladybug.  I took a ridiculous amount of photos this month.
22.  Pay all bills on time. HA!
23.  Become caffeine free.  Overall good on this one.  I mean, I had some sodas but not because I was trying to pour caffeine into my body (most days) - except for travel days.

So some success and some failure.  Check in again next month.

Mean Mama

the day after we met

Ladybug and I recently had our 5 year anniversary of being a family.  It is an important day in my life. 

I was clueless.  Really.  First time mom.  Tired.  On the verge of being sick.  In a a foreign country.  Jet lagged.  And questioning just how I got to that point.  As big as that day is for me...it is the second day story that she prefers to hear about.

I went back to the orphanage after a fitful night of sleep.  Wondering if the day held more promises.  I waited out in the courtyard as the nanny's dressed her.  In many, many, many layers.  Ethiopians don't want their children to be cold.  Later in the day I would find that Ladybug was dressed in an undershirt, tights, a t-shirt, a pair of pants, a long sleeve shirt, and a jacket.  No wonder she was  sweating.

They dressed her.  They opened the door to toddler building.  They helped her off the front stoop.  They pointed her in my direction.  She began to toddle in my direction.  She wandered toward me.  Then she saw me.  She stopped. 

Then she turned and ran in the opposite direction. 

I had to chase her to catch her.  She was having none of this.  She didn't know who this strange white woman was but she wanted no part of me.

I got out my hip sling, stuck her in it, and didn't let her down all day.  She slept on me.  She peed on me -- no really -- peed right through her many layers and onto me.  She pooped on me -- she had belly issues.  She ate while sitting on my hip.  And she wailed for her first mom while she clung to me.

And I learned fast.  Sink or swim.

Mean Mama

baby steps

What I haven't mentioned is that through all of this wonderful vacation and family time is that... well... she has been driving me insane. 

We have entered this place where I am always wrong...even when I am not.  She will ask questions that I don't know the answer to and then she will make up answers.  Always wrong.  Or she will tell me "facts" that aren't true.  Or she will fight me on stupid things.  She has the need to be right.  Must be right.  Must be knowledgeable.  Must know everything. 

It is no fun to be around a "know it all."

And it was rapidly getting worse...and then it dawned on me.

She was scared.  Of school starting.  Of first grade.  And the morning of the first day of school she even said so.  Before we crawled out of bed.  And I thought, "Well, duh!"

And then it got better.  Until today.  We got home from errands -- some of which she likes.  She turned on the TV.  I turned it off.  She gave me attitude.  I ignored it.  I started cleaning.  She pouted.  I asked her to find something to do.  She refused.  I told her to go clean her room.  She said she didn't want to.  I told her I wasn't asking, I was telling.  She through the teddy bear across the living room, jumped off the couch, tossed me a dirty look, and proceeded to stomp across the room.  Or tried.  I stopped her and sat her back on the couch.  I looked her straight in the face and spoke to her.

She cried.  It wasn't the "I'm so sorry" cry.  It wasn't the "I've messed up" crying.  It was fear.  Pure.  Simple.  Fear.  I gave her a choice.  She could go to bed or she could change her attitude and clean her room.  She cleaned her room.

And then we talked.

The problem is...she doesn't want to be punished.  She doesn't want to be wrong.  She is scared I will not like her if she is not perfect.

Five years today.  Five years as a family.  And she still questions my love for her.

Mean Mama

Lyrics

Have you ever discovered that the words you have been singing to a song are wrong.  I have.  Many times.

On our trip home we listened to a lot of Adele.  Okay, I listened to most of it.  Ladybug only paid attention to one song -- I think it is called Rumor.  She fell in love with the song on the way up.  But she got the words wrong.  While Adele sings the song, through most of it, her back ground singers sing, " Rumor has it."  I listened to her singing.  I was pretty sure she was not singing the right words.

Mama:  Honey, what are you singing?
Ladybug:  The song.
Mama: Yeah, but what words are you singing?
Ladybug: Tumor has it.

Of course that lead to an explanation as to what a tumor was.  And then I told her the correct words.  Which lead to an explanation of what a rumor was.

On the way home I played a lot of Adele too.  And when that song came on again I listened to her sing.

Ladybug:  Goober has it.  Goober has it.  Goober has it.

I opted not to correct her this time.

Mean Mama

A day at the beach

We finished off our vacation with a day at the beach.

No, not the in-town beach where you park in a parking lot and walk 10 feet to the water.  But the one where we drove 9 miles out of town, parked, walked a mile through the woods and came to a beautiful beach.  I took a book and a chair and sat in the shade.  Ladybug and my mom swam.  And the dog kept strangers away.

 allowing the dog a chance to cool down

 The view from my chair

 playing in the shallow end

 I had to use the super zoom -- that is how far out they were

 building a castle

And then we walked a mile back through the woods, drove the 9 miles home, and I packed everything to return to the real world.

Mean Mama

On Top of Old Smokey

And since vacation time is meant for doing... and not sitting around relaxing... we took a gondola ride to the top of a mountain on the next day.  Luckily I did have to hike up the mountain, I guess.  We took a ride up.  And a ride down.  Some people rode their bikes down.

Afterwards we stopped at a local A&W for a burger and fresh root beer -- made fresh at the store every day.  Yum!

Mean Mama

The VIC

In TV land when people refer to the "Vic" it means the victim of some crime.  In the mountains the "VIC" means Visitor Information Center.

After returning from my grandmother's my mom decided we needed another activity.  We settled on going to the VIC.  Once we arrived she tried to talk me into an 8 mile hike up the mountain.  I convinced her that the 2 mile loop around the pond was a much better option.

First we stopped by the butterfly house.

And then we started the walk around the pond.

 Ladybug saw this in the distance and I had to use the super zoom

 Ladybug has become an expert berry hunter

About 1/2 through the walk I found some ducks swimming.

 Another Ladybug find that required the super zoom

By the end of the 2 miles Ladybug really had to pee and had no tolerance for me stopping to take a few pictures.  So I only got a few. 

On the way home we stopped at a fabulous ice cream place.  It is a farm.  The ice cream is made fresh there.  There is only one flavor available each day.  The only decision you need to make is what size you want.  The flavor of the day was lemon.  It was amazing.  I wanted to go back for seconds -- but I didn't.

Mean Mama