bath time

While I had Ladybug in the tub, a captivated audience, combing out her hair, she decided to have a serious conversation.  Maybe I was the captivated audience.

Ladybug: When I have a baby will my baby be African?
Mama: Yes.  No. I mean... What exactly are you asking?
Ladybug: Will my baby be Ethiopian?
Mama:  Yes.  Any child you give birth to will be a least part Ethiopian.
Ladybug:  So doesn't that make my child African?
Mama: Well yes.  I mean, black people who live in America are called African-American.  But it doesn't mean they have ever been t Africa.  It just means that have some relatives you use to be from Africa.
Ladybug:  Well how did their relatives get here?
Mama: A long time ago people went to Africa and took them. 
Ladybug: Like you brought me to America?
Mama: No.  I adopted you.  A long time ago people went to Africa and took people and brought them to America to work for them.
Ladybug: Were they part of their family?
Mama: No.
Ladybug: Did they get paid for working?
Mama: No.
Ladybug: Well how did they eat?
Mama: I don't really know.
Ladybug:  Did they get table scraps?
Mama:  I don't really know.
Ladybug: Were they nice to the African people?
Mama: Not always.
Ladybug: What kinds of things would they do to them?
Mama: Well they didn't always see the black people are "people".  Sometimes they saw them as property.  So since the Africans were not "people" the white people didn't think they had to be nice to the black people.
Ladybug: Would the white people hurt the Africans?
Mama: Sometimes.
Ladybug: I don't want to talk about this anymore.

I have a feeling these conversations will be more and more difficult.

Mean Mama

Sometimes your words can bite you on the...

About a month ago I spent some time watching the Olympic trials.  Ladybug didn't have much interest.  At first.  Toward the end of the track and field trials she noticed what was on the TV.

Ladybug:  They are all black.
Mama: Yep.
Ladybug: I mean ALL!
Mama: I know.
Ladybug: Why?
Mama:  Well, generally speaking black athletes tend to be faster sprinters.  You will notice that I lot of the sprinters are black.

A little later we watched some of the swimming trials.

Ladybug: None of them are black.
Mama: True.
Ladybug:  I mean NONE!
Mama: I know.
Ladybug: Why?
Mama: Well, generally speaking you will find that most world class swimmers are white.

Which might explain the conversation she had a camp this week during their mini Olympics.

Teacher: Ladybug do you want to run this race?
Ladybug: I don't race against white kids.
Teacher: What?
Ladybug: I am black.  No white person can beat me.

That is not what I meant.

Mean Mama

Summer torture

I have been torturing Ladybug this summer with math.  It is not just for fun.  Her final grades of 1st grade showed that she was struggling with math.  They don't like giving letter grades so she didn't get an A, B, C or D.  Instead they give a number grade.  She could have earned a 1, 2, 3 or 4 -- with 4 being the best.  She got a 2.  I think that would put her at about a C-. 

So I made the decision that she either needed to learn math this summer or she needed to prove to me that she already knew it.  It helps to know you child.  I know she is smart.  I know she is more intuitive than a child her age should ever be.  I also know she is not academically inclined.  I believed she knew the math.  I also believed she didn't want to do the math.  So I bought a 1st grade math book and I have made her spend each afternoon for the last month doing math. 

She fought it.  She cried.  She pouted.  She refused.  She yelled.  I am apparently the meanest mother ever.  As a matter fact she stated that no other mother would even think about giving her child homework during the summer vacation.  She even stated that it was obvious that I didn't love her or I would not be torturing her like this.  This is where I told her that if I didn't love her I would NOT make her do the homework.  My undying intense love for her was the reason why she needed to do the math.

I figured I would let her do each chapter until she ran into a lesson she didn't know.  Their were little tests at the end of each chapter.  So I sat back and waited to hit a chapter that she struggled with.  I never found that chapter.

She finished the 1st grade book today.  She had 8 chapter tests, a midterm, and a final exam.  Her scores?

Chapter 1: 16 or 17 questions correct on the first try.
Chapter 2: 40 of 42 questions correct on the first try.
Chapter 3: 42 of 42 questions correct on the first try.
Chapter 4: 48 of 48 questions correct on the first try.
Chapter 5: 39 of 41 questions correct on the first try.
Chapter 6: 20 of 22 questions correct on the first try.
Chapter 7: 19 of 19 questions correct on the first try.
Chapter 8: 20 of 20 questions correct on the first try.
Midterm: 131 of 136 questions correct on the first try.
Final: 112 of 117 questions correct on the first try.

I also bought the 2nd grade math book.

Mean Mama

Hair!

It was time to take out the hair style.  I was hesitant this time.  Partially because I was dumb enough to put micro braids in for the summer.  Partially because camp has a break out of lice.  But it has been 5-6 weeks and she has been swimming almost everyday.  And it was looking shabby.

So on Friday I started the process of unbraiding.  I hate micro braids.

Let me say that again... I HATE micro braids.

But I took the beads out on Friday.  And then I started the process of taking out the braids.  I continued on Saturday... for a good portion of the day.  And I finished it today. 

10 hours!  To take the style out.  That is just wrong.

Then I had to wash and condition and moisturize and style again.  Because there is lice.  And her hair gets tangled. 

So I stuck her in the tub.  Her hair was in 4 chunky braids.  I wanted to avoid combing of the hair as much as possible so as I finished unbraiding a section of hair I would braid it before it had a chance to tangle.  So I took one braid out at a time and washed it and then slathered on conditioner and combed it out with a pick in the tub.  Then I braided it again... without rinsing the conditioner out.  When all 4 sections had been done I unbraided them again and straightened out the part.  And french braided 2 big chunky braids from front to back.

Done. 

It took 10 hours to take out and 20 minutes to put in. 

It won't last the week but I don't care because she can go off to camp tomorrow and not worry about it.

And I loved combing it out in the tub with all that water and conditioner.  I need to remember to do that more often.

Mean Mama

within reason

I have a vague recollection that perhaps I am already talked about this topic but I am not going to go searching through the blog.  I have an urge to bitch talk about it again.

I read an article this week.  I would link to it but I read it at work and I don't remember the link.  And I don't necessarily want to share it.  The article was about the difference between raising a child that you adopted and a child that you gave birth to.

Early in the article there was a quote that made my blood begin to boil.  The quote was something like... I will do anything within reason for my adopted child but I will do anything without reason for my biological children.

Now maybe I have a unique view on this.  Maybe because I am an adopted child and a parent of an adopted child I don't know the bond a parent will have with a biological child.  Maybe I have this all wrong.  Maybe I don't know.

What I do know is that my parents -- adoptive and step, but certainly not biological -- would have done anything for me.  My extended family -- adoptive -- always considered me family.  My biological extended family told me they couldn't have contact with me as an adult because they were afraid I was like my biological mother and they couldn't have that in their lives.  Even now as a 40+ year old woman -- my adoptive family is my family.  Not my biological family.

What I do know is that my child -- yes, adoptive -- is my child.  I would do anything for her.  She is my life.  My love.  My world.  I can not imagine loving her more if I had given birth.  I can't imagine feeling more connected to her if I had given birth to her.  I can't imagine loving another child more than her because I gave birth.

This may be an unpopular view but I believe that if you can not love an adoptive child the same as a biological child -- you should not be given the privilege of being a parent to an adoptive child.

Mean Mama

she amuses me

I recently made the decision to make a few changes to Ladybug's room.  I know I just finished it a few weeks ago but you may also recall that I needed to get new curtains for her room.  And my mom had offered to buy a rug for her room -- since winter is about 10 months in this part of the country.

So last weekend I sat down to order (or re-order) the curtains for her room.  I also found a rug option I decided to buy.  Both are a black and silver option (hopefully).  And I began to think... black and silver.  Very grown up.  With a princess bedspread?  I worried if that would look good.  Not very grown up.  But was it worth spending money?  Probably not.  But then I thought ... her bedspread is thin and old and probably not good enough for winter.  So I bought a new bedspread.  I decided on a vibrant splash (or two) of color.

The rug arrived the other day.  I haven't unrolled yet -- waiting for the weekend since it requires emptying her room to put it down.  Today her bedspread arrived.

She was giddy.  I mean literally giddy.  She jumped up and down.  She danced around the box.  She giggled.  She begged to put it on her bed TONIGHT!  I saw no reason not to.

As she got ready for bed I made her bed.  She jumped into it.

Ladybug:  I can't believe this is my bed.  It is so beautiful.  It is a bed made for a queen.  I love it.  I love it so much.  As a matter of fact I love it so much that I want to marry it.  This is the kind of bed worth marrying.

I will post updated photos of her room once the curtains and rug are in place.

Mean Mama

Where are you from?

I left work a little early today.  We were suppose to have a storm and I had a 45 minute drive.  And I have a little comp time saved up.

The storm never really came.  But since I arrived a little early to pick up Ladybug, I sat down and chatted for a while.

As I was chatting with the kids and the staff a woman came in behind me.  She also started chatting but I didn't really pay attention until she said 1 word.  It was innocent enough.  The word?  WATER.

But it didn't sound like "water".  It sounded like "wurter".  I turned around as one of the staff was telling her that her accent gave away where she was from.

Me:  I know it really does.
Staff: Such a heavy Boston accent.
Me:  Boston?  That isn't a Boston accent.
Staff:  It's not??  Then were is she from?
Me: Pennsylvania.  Nobody says wurter unless they are from PA.
Other Mama:  So close!
Me: You are not from PA?  Where are you from?
Other Mama: I am from Philadelphia.  But PA was a good guess.

Ummm... I hate to have a geography lesson here but isn't Philadelphia in PA?

Mean Mama

Making friends use to be easy

Remember when you were a kid?  You met someone.  You became friends.  End of story.

When did that change?

I have friends.  Long term friends.  So I think I might have forgotten how to make friends.  Which is not a good think considering that I just moved... 900 miles.  I need to make friends.  I need to have people I can call. 

I am trying.  But I suck at this.

I could make friends with the other person in the state (yes there is only one other person in the state) who does my job.  But she lives over an hour away.  And she is about 12 years younger than me.  And she just got married.  And she prefers chickens to kids.  I like her.  But let's face, we don't have a lot in common.

I could make friends with my supervisor.  I like her.  She lives about 1.5 hours away.  I keep thinking that she would really be good friends with my mom.  I think they would have a lot in common.  She is not single -- married (to a woman) with no kids.  Not really a local friend.

Co-workers?  Well I am making progress but I am not yet convinced that any will be my friend.

My day care provider, B?  Yep.  She may be a good option.  She is a single mother.  A professional.  A local.  This might work.

Now how do I make friends?

Mean Mama 

Juicing update

I tried juicing.  I am not sure it is for me.  I will try again next week.  I have taken a break.  Because I ran into a few problems.

I was juicing regularly.  I liked it.  I missed eating.  But I liked it.  I found some juices I liked.  It is not easy -- emotionally or all the clean-up required.

But the real problem came one day as I sat in my office and realized something wasn't right in my mouth.  Over the course of the day it got worse.  I finally realized I had ulcers all over the roof of my mouth.  So since it was a slow day at work I spent some time on the internet and attempted to diagnose the problem.  The end decision was that apparently too much pineapple can cause ulcers in some people. Apparently I am one of those people. 

So I had to take a break.  Every single one of my recipes involved pineapple.  It adds a little sweet.  So I took a break from juicing and waited for my mouth to heal.  It actually healed quickly.  Within about 5 days the ulcers were all gone.  And then I made a juice with pineapple -- just to test my self diagnosis.  Just one juice with just a little pineapple and the ulcers were back in an instant. 

I decided I could continue.  I would drop the pineapple but I would add some sweet with banana.  You can't actually juice a banana.  So after juicing the rest of the fruits and veggies I throw the juice into a blender with a banana and blend.

And then my blender broke.

So I am taking another juicing break.  My real blender (the one I was using was a little cheapy thing I bought about a year ago) is arriving on Saturday.  It has been in storage for about 2.5 years.  But now that I am settled my mom is bringing it all over to me. No need to buy a new one when my old one is on the way.

Monday I will try again.

Mean Mama

This may seem hypocritical

Okay this may seem like I have no room to talk... but we all know I will talk anyway.

I got to spend the weekend with my niece.  She lives about 1000 miles from me so I see her about twice a year.

She is happy and smart and funny.  I really do like her a lot.

But I am concerned about something.

She is 5 years and 4 months old.

She is 46 inches tall.

She wears a size 2 shoe.

And she weighs 86 pounds.

86 pounds at the age of 5 years old!!!!

She has gained 15 pounds since I last saw her at Thanksgiving.

But I dare not say anything because my sister and I do not have a good relationship.  But I am worried for my niece.

Mean Mama

Just a few photos

Now if only I could get my photoshop to work.

Mean Mama

June update

I took a long look at my goals that I set out in the beginning of January.  So many things have changed in my life since then -- it is like a different world.  So I decided it was best to make some changes.  New goals.  New things to work toward.  So here are the mid year goals.

1.  Loose 55 pounds by December 31, 2012.  I am down 12 pounds from my highest point at the beginning of the year.  Only 43 to go now.
2.  Begin writing a book.  I have a fiction and non-fiction option.  Giving myself 2 years to complete it.  I started writing one of the books.  And I am planning and plotting it in my head.
3.  In June I need to get 8 hours of sleep at least one night a week. Each month after I must add one more night per week.  Done.  Simple.  One night a week.  July I will need to get 8 hours of sleep at least 2 nights a week.
4.  Blog at least 12 times per month.  Success!
5.  Finish unpacking and putting together rooms in the house.  One room a month.  Problem is I have more rooms than months this year.  June is Ladybug's room.   Done!  And here are the pictures to prove it.  Well almost done.  I ordered curtains but they sent the wrong thing.  So I need to order new ones.  My mom is buying her a rug but that hasn't arrived.  And I am seriously debating the idea of building a loft and getting rid of her bed.  July will be either the upstairs bathroom or the study.  Tune in to see the results.

6.  Start a 529 account.  No.  But my employer might do it for me. It is on the list of things to do this week.  Maybe even tomorrow... since I have to be at the bank for something else.
7.  Start a savings account. I am still adjusting to the new finances.  I will worry about this in the fall.  I really need to get a few things under control this summer.
8.  Eat out no more then 2 times per month.  I think it is important to keep this one from last year.  Turns out this is fairly easy to accomplish when you live in a tiny town.
9.  Reinstall Photoshop and start editing photos again.  Nope.  But look what I did with some of the photos I had already photoshopped.  Nice idea but poor execution.  I have better ideas for future art projects.

10. Pay all bills on time. Nope. But I am all caught up.
11. Make at least 1 pair of earrings each week.  Nope.  But in my defense I haven't actually found the beads yet.  I think they are in the study closet.  And that needs to be cleaned... and is on the list of things to do while Ladybug is at my parent's house.


So there you have the new plan.  Hoping I can be successful at it.

Mean Mama