Travel karma

I decided this year that in my holiday travels I would not cart along my computer.  This means that I have not kept up with email, checked facebook, or blogged.  But today I am at a friend's house (still traveling) and while she is being tortured by the kids (they set up a spa for her to get her hair done, get a back rub, and receive a foot massage), I have a few moments to blog. 

We are having a good Christmas vacation.  In order to fully understand the meaning of this you must understand my travel karma.  Most of my friends refuse to travel with me.  They will meet me at destinations but they will not travel with me.  And it is a wise decision on their part.  This can best be described by telling you of Christmas vacation 2 years ago.

I set out on the first day to travel.  I had about a 15 hour drive to my friend's house.  I was prepared.  I packed.  I medicated (pukey girl was not going to be puking).  I had money.  I had gas.  As I started out on my drive it was raining.  And for some reason it did not occur to me that it was raining which good only mean snow as I headed north.  Through the mountains.  Or maybe it was that I am cocky -- I have lived in snow most of my life.  About 5 hours into the drive I realized it was really snowing hard.  And I was stressed.  And that maybe the safest thing for me to do was to stop at a hotel and wait out the storm.  As I made this decision I saw a sign for a hotel at the next exit.  I took the exit and found the hotel.  In a ditch.  There was no way I was going to drive my car down a ditch even for a hotel in a snow storm.  I would be stuck for days.  So I pulled into the gas station across the road. 

I sat debating what to do but in the end... the answer was still the same.  I needed to find another hotel.  Close by.  It was getting worse by the moment.  I went into the convenience store and asked for directions to the nearest hotel -- that isn't in a ditch.  Why is it that no person that works in a convenience store ever knows directions to any place?  It could be right next door and they never know how to get there.  Well that is the answer that I got.  They had no idea where a hotel was.  Luckily there was a fireman in the store and he gave me directions to the nearest hotel.  Moral -- stop at the fire station.  He pointed me in a direction of the nearest hotel -- which required some back tracking.

We eventually arrived at the hotel and I slid into the parking lot.  As I waited for the attendant to give me a room I watched several men pushing many cars around the parking lot into what might be determined to be parking spots.  After checking in, they got to push my car into a snow bank parking spot.  We unloaded into the car into the hotel, made a few phone calls to let people know we were safe and staying put, and wading across the slushy road to the convenience store to get something for dinner.  Oh yeah, the hotel was really a "motel."  I gave Ladybug a bath, washed her hair, and put in a new hair style.  I didn't worry about the water she splashed every where in the bathroom.  I let her jump on the bed.  We watched movies.  We cranked the heat.  Sometime before settling into bed for the night I discovered bugs.  Lots and lots of bugs.  Immature cock roaches.  Everywhere.  And there was nothing I could do about it.  NOTHING!  I was there because of a snow storm.  Me, Ladybug, and a million cock roaches were just going to have to spend the night together.  I decided I would just have to be okay with it.

Sometime in the middle of the night, as I woke up and freaked out by brushing the cock roaches from my face...then freaking out that I must have brushed them on to Ladybug, I decided I was no longer okay with sharing a room with a million teenage cock roaches.  We left the roach motel as soon as it got light out.  We slid our way out of the snow bank and out of the parking lot.  We inched our way back onto the highway.  We weaved our way up the hills, through the mountains, and through the dozens and dozens of abandoned cars.   Seriously, cars were everywhere along the road.  On the road.  Parked.  Abandoned.  And I wondered ... where did all the people go?  Seriously.  We were in the middle of no where.  Where did the people go when they left their car?  It makes no sense.

In stead of going to my friend's house that day I stopped at my aunt's house.  I emptied everything on the front lawn and shook until I was sure there were no more bugs in my things.  I washed everything.  I spent the night. 

The adventures did not end there.  I ended up with pneumonia that year while I was traveling.  I also ended up breaking a toe (and dislocated it) and spending a day in the ER while a nurse tortured me by trying to put it back into the right position.  My tires were bald (I was not aware of this) and drove through every snow storm in the area.  It snowed even when it wasn't suppose to just because I was driving.

So, it is a good Christmas this year... much better than that year.  But I will save those adventures for another blog entry -- mostly because they are not over yet -- still traveling.

Mean Mama

oh fudge

Every year at Christmas time I make fudge.  It is the easy kind -- with fluff.   It is good.  Everybody asks for it.  Nobody knows that I cheat.  Well, I do tell them if they ask.  We, Ladybug and I, made our first batch this year.

You need to start with these things.

3 cups of sugar
1.5 sticks of butter
1 5 ounce can of condensed milk

Put them in a pan and heat under medium heat.  Stir constantly.  CONSTANTLY!

Note the large pan I use.  It is better to be in a larger pan.  Also note that I use a teflon pan -- this makes it much easier later when you are transferring the fudge from this pan to the pan it is setting in.

Stir until the butter is melted.  Still until it starts to bubble.  Once it is boiling stir and boil for 4 minutes.  Do not let it burn.

After 4 minutes of boiling remove from the heat and add the next set of ingredients.

One small jar of fluff (I think it is 7 ounces)
1 teaspoon of vanilla
Semisweet chocolate

Typically I use squares of bakers chocolate but apparently everybody else in my area was making something with chocolate today and there was none in the store.  So I used chips.  We used the whole 12 ounce bag (minus the ones Ladybug ate to check and make sure they were not poisonous).

This is a very fast process.  I suggest getting everything ready to go.  I opened the bag of chocolate (or unwrap the squares), loosened the top on the vanilla, had a teaspoon ready, opened the fluff, and had the spatula ready.  Once you remove the boiling mixture from the heat it begins to cool and set.  Once you remove it pour in the fluff, chocolate, and vanilla.  And stir.  Fast.

I tried to take a picture of this but my camera is dying and refuses to stay on.  So after several attempts I realized I was running out of time to stir and I had to focus on the fudge.  Once it is fully stirred pour into a greased 9x9 pan.  Let cool completely before removing from the pan and cutting into servings.

I let Ladybug lick the spoon and she was delighted.

Me: This is the best part of Christmas...making fudge.
Ladybug: I like the fudge, Mama, but the best part of Christmas is showing love.

She's right.

Mean Mama

Getting personal

I was out braving the Christmas shopping today.  Not because I had a desire to deal with angry, frustrated people.  But because I was kid free.  It was likely my only time I would be kid free between now and Christmas.  And I need to start the Santa process.  I was focused -- time limits will do that to me.  Ladybug spent the night with a friend last night and they are both spending the night here tonight.  Single mamas sharing responsibilities.

I was not feeling great this morning.  I drank a little too much last night.  It made me sleep terrible.  But with time constraints it does not matter.  I started out at the mall.  Just a short trip.  There was one store I needed to go in.  In.  Buy.  Out.  Then I headed to the hair product and supply store.  My niece is getting stuff so her mama can learn how to do pretty hair.  Then I went to bookstore number 1.  And because I did not find what I wanted I headed to bookstore number 2.

This is where it got interesting.  I was walking toward the store -- long walk because this time of year there is absolutely not chance of getting a close parking space.  A man coming out of the store caught my eye.  He was tall -- well over 6 feet.  He was slender -- I am guessing less then 5% body fat.  He was muscular -- not beefed up but well taken care of.  I am sure he bikes well over 100 miles a week and then runs 20 miles just for fun.  He caught my eye not because he was some hot guy I would be interested in.  He caught my eye because he had an air about him.  The air was saying, "I take care of myself and therefore I am better than you."  And it appeared as if I had caught his eye too (okay in reality we happened to be the only 2 people walking through the parking lot at that moment), but I am not delusional enough to think he was interested. 

As he got closer to me it became apparent he was going to say something to me.  Was he going to try to sell me something?  Was he going to say Merry Christmas?  Was he going to comment on my scowl on my face despite my best efforts to stay positive?

Him: You know, you would feel better if you lost some weight.

He what???  A complete stranger?  Called me fat??  In the parking lot! 

For the first time in my life I had a quick response.  You wanna get personal?  Let's get personal.

Me: True.  It would also help if I didn't have cramps, a back ache, and wasn't bleeding like a stuck pig.

My mood improved.  I popped some Tylenol.  And I finished my shopping day with a smile on my face.

Mean Mama

Oops

I woke up this morning knowing there was a possibility that school was canceled for Ladybug.  So the first thing I did was log on to the computer and check the status.  Remember the time when we would wait perched by the radio hoping just to hear the name of our school?  Mine never got canceled -- the superintendent of my school was from Alaska so he would look out the window and think "I've seen worse."  Ladybug's was canceled. 

I was only working until noon today so I could take the afternoon off to get my hair cut and do a little Christmas shopping.  As much as I complain about my boss, I have to admit I have some perks.  I knew I could take her into the office and he would not freak.  So I packed her up and we traveled into work. 

I was the first to arrive.  In the building -- not just my office.  They were still cleaning the parking lot when I arrived and they all stopped and looked at me.  I know they were thinking I was crazy.  This should have been clue number 1.  I started work.  She watched movies.  And drew pictures of horses and rein deers. 

At some point it occurred to me that nobody else was there.  NOBODY! This should have been clue number 2.  The other paralegal was on a vacation day so I wasn't expecting her.  I checked the messages on the phone.  The secretary said the roads were bad and she would try to be in by noon.  The attorneys?  Who knew.  At about 11:30 am (yes, I am a slow learner), I checked my cell phone to get a phone number and discovered I had a message.  I listened to it.  It was my boss (mini) saying that I didn't have to go to work today.  It never occurred to me to check my messages.  It never occurred to me that work might be closed. 

Mean Mama

In our hearts

I recently received an email from my step mom (she has been a lot of my blogs lately) that let me know that her dog had died.  This is not a childhood dog for me -- or he would have been really old -- but he had a special spot in her heart.  And more importantly he had a special place in Ladybug's heart.  I had learned my lesson from the last time I tried to tell Ladybug about a death of a pet --- see here -- so I decided to be more thoughtful about how I told her about the dog.  I would not do this in the middle of a grocery store this time.

When she got up from her nap (something that I rarely manage to get her to do these days but I love it when I pull it off), I sat her on my lap and told her that I had some sad news for her.

Ladybug:  What?
Me: I got an email from Grandma while you were sleeping.  And she told me that Curly died last night.
Ladybug: It's okay Mama.
Me:  (A little surprised she is taking it so well).  I just thought you should know.
Ladybug: Well, he will always be in our hearts.
Me: True.
Ladybug:  So we don't need to be sad.  How did he die.
Me: He was just old.  And his body decided it could not work anymore.
Ladybug:  That happens.
Me: Yes it does.
Ladybug:  I am a little sad that I won't be able to pet him anymore but I know he will always be with me so I am not going to cry.

No wailing.  No crying.  No exclaiming that a member of her family was dead.  Just a very grown up approach to the cycle of life.

Mean Mama

making Christmas presents

The time has arrived.  The most wonderful time of the year.  I must make some Christmas presents.  And now not only do I have to make them from me... but I have to help Ladybug make some from her.  I am just not that creative normally.

About 2 years ago I decided that I needed a hobby.  Well, I needed a hobby that didn't include a computer.  I felt like I was spending too much time on the computer.  I haven't really given up computer time since then but I have gained a new skill.  I decided to start making earrings.  This has been helpful in building up my earring collection.  It has been helpful at birthdays and Christmas.

Tonight after dinner I hauled out my beads and I let Ladybug design some earrings.  These are her designs... I just did the grunt work. 

Here is the pair she designed from my step mom -- who will not only love them but needs them since she lost almost all of her jewelry this year when someone broke into their house (twice).

And here is the pair she designed for my mom (with a little encouragement that my mom is just not into pink in the same way that Ladybug is).

This weekend I plan on designing a bunch more from me to all the women in my life.  Yes, if you are related to me or seeing me this holiday you can plan on getting a Mean Mama Original pair of earrings.  This year I hope to use a set of special beads.  Last year for Christmas I received some Uganda Magazine Beads.  These are beads are made by women in Uganda who use strips of magazines to rolls into various bead shapes.  They are simple.  They are beautiful.  And they are a source of income for these women. So this year I will create some one of a kind earrings using these beads.

Mean Mama

I'm ready

It was one of those mornings.  It started out great.  And she was in a good mood.  So all structure went out the window.  Her choice -- not mine.

I made her breakfast and hopped in the shower.  I started getting dressed and she was in her bathroom.  Singing.  Nothing else.  I eventually went in and sat with her so that she would focus on brushing her teeth.  I begged, borrowed, and stole in order to put on lotion -- she hates putting it on but she itches.  I finished getting dressed and on the way downstairs told her I was going to make lunches and she needed to finish up.

I did the dishes I did not do last night.  I could hear her singing upstairs.  I made her snack.  I could still hear her singing upstairs.  I made her lunch.  Still singing -- starting to get worried.  I made my tea (I hate coffee).  Still singing -- wondering when she might come down.  Before I started making my lunch I walked to the stairs and yell up at her that I am almost done and she needs to hurry up.  She yells back that she is almost ready.  I am pleasanty surprised.

I am in the kitchen, making my lunch, when I hear her descend the stairs.  She walks in the kitchen and announces that she is ready to go.  I don't even turn around.  I just say,  "Good!  Pack you backpack please."  And then I turn around.  And she is standing completely naked in the middle of the kitchen.  She actually isn't joking.  She is serious. 

At least she has lotioned her entire body.

I send her back up to get dressed.  Some mornings are just going to be like that.

Mean Mama

FIA Card Services

One of the things that added to my depression and frustrating week last week was FIA Card Services.  And it wasn't until I got pissed that I was able to deal with it.

I opened my credit card with them 5 years ago...just before Ladybug came home.  I have stupidly loyally stayed with them.  They made my life easier.  As they raised my interest rate.  I don't remember what it started at but it is currently 27.74%.  No, you read that right.  And every year I pay off my balance when I get my tax return.  And then slowly I building up the balance.  With an interest rate like that they make a fair amount of money off of me.  This year I have had a balance on my card of between $4,000-$6,000.  That is a lot of interest. 

So last week, on Ladybug's birthday, I discovered that my card had been cut off.  I have a really high limit so I knew I had not hit that.  There is no reason that I have such a large limit.  Other than they want me to carry a large balance so they can make money off of me. 

I sat anxiously with this knowledge for a couple of days.  I needed to know what was going on but I couldn't face one more piece of depressing news.  Finally on Saturday night I called.

FIA:  We have placed a temporary hold on your account.
Me: Why?
FIA: Because your payment is late.
Me:  (True).  Um.  Yes.  By 4 days.
FIA:  No.
Me:  Yes.  My payment was due on December 5th and you shut off my card on December 9th.
FIA: True.
Me: I have had this account for over 5 years.  I have never heard of a credit card company shutting off a card because my payment is 4 days late.
FIA:  Well we also didn't receive a payment in November.
Me:  That is not true.  As a matter of fact I paid more then the required minimum payment (working on the goal to live debt free.).
FIA:  We do not have a payment recorded for you for November.
Me:  Well I have a canceled check for you in November (a little lie since I don't actually get canceled checks but I could and I know I paid).
FIA:  The last payment we have recorded for you was on November 17th.
Me:  And that would be the "November" payment.  (Am I the only one saying DUH at this point?)
FIA: No we don't have have a November payment for your account.
Me: (crickets...very loud)
FIA:  What would you like to do about your account at this point?
Me:  I would like to never have anything to do with your company again.  I have been a loyal customer.  You have made a lot of money off me.  And I can not believe I am being treated like this.  I can get a better deal almost anywhere else.
FIA:  What are you going to do about it?
Me: I will immediately look into transferring my balance to another account.

I hung up.  Do they need my money?  No.  Will they feel my threat?  No.  Will I follow through?  Already done.  I immediately called my credit union upon hanging up with FIA Card Services.  Even on a Saturday night I managed to open up a credit card account in less than 15 minutes.  With an interest rate of 10.7%.  I have to wait for the paperwork to arrive before I can transfer the balance.  But I will do it.  As soon as possible.

I encourage all of you (all 2 of my loyal readers) to drop FIA Card Services if you have an account with them.  Encourage all your friends and relatives to drop them.  They will not feel me.  But why would you support any company that treats their loyal customers like that?

Mean Mama

I have a drinking problem

I came home from the store today and wanted a drink.  And since I had just come home from the store I had options.  Lots of options.  Apparently too many options. 

I started out with the Mountain Dew I bought.  I love Mountain Dew.  I had grabbed one on the way out of the store.  So I popped it open and took a long drag.  Only one problem.  Apparently I grabbed a diet Mountain Dew.  While I love Mountain Dew, I hate diet Mountain Dew.  Hate it.  Really.   I think it tastes like dirty dish water.  It is gross.

But I decided to drink it anyway.  I got about half way through it.  I wasn't enjoying it.  So I decided to switch drinks.  I had also bought mango juice at the store.  I poured a glass.  I drank it.  But it was really sweeter than I wanted. 

I decided to switch to wine.  Yes, since Thanksgiving I have decided that I like wine.  Well, some wine.  My father left a half bottle of the wine I bought for him and I had poured a glass of that about a week ago and almost gagged.  Not pleasurable at all.  I could not even choke down a sip.  No wonder my dad left half the bottle.  Truly disgusting.  I dumped it.  But I found a dessert wine in the store today.  I popped the cork and poured a glass while I cooked -- lasagna.  How very Italian of me.  Only I am not Italian.

Now I have moved onto tea.  At some point I decided I was cold so I made a cup of tea. 

Too many options.

Mean Mama

get up

I took a few days off of blogging.  Not intentionally.  It just happened.  Because my life was depressing.  And it was beginning to paralyze me.  I watched a lot of TV.  Played a few hidden object games on the computer.  Lost my temper with Ladybug.  I could not shake the funk.  The job -- or lack there of.  The money -- or lack there of.  The bills -- not lack there of. 

I have to say that it is amazing how quickly my house went from nice to barely livable.  I did not fold the clean clothes and they sat on the kitchen table all week.  Ladybug came running downstairs last night naked.  When I questioned her about it she just retorted that all her clean clothes were in the kitchen.  And even that didn't motivate me.  She did the same thing this morning.  The dishes were piled high in sink.  I had no food in the house -- almost literally.  There were crayons and barbies strewn around the living room.  I haven't vacuumed in weeks.  And there were piles of dirty clothes in my room, in her room, in the laundry room. 

And I didn't care.   Okay that is not really true.  I cared.  But I did nothing.  I sat down and did nothing.

Finally I sucked it up last night and did something.  I paid bills.  Which was depressing.  I made a few phone calls.  I did the dishes.  And I went to bed early -- just 30 minutes but still early.  I woke up feeling like I could face the world again.  I put a load of laundry in.  I made pancakes. 

And then I sat down again.  Really.  It is like there is super glue on my ass when I sit down.  Nothing gets me up.   I sat there for about 4 hours.  I knew I should get up.  But I didn't.  Then my step mom called.  Twice.  And I finally got up.  I went food shopping.  I did a few more loads of laundry.  And I cooked. 

If I can keep moving maybe I will soon have my life back in order.  And if I can get my life back in order maybe I will feel better.

Mean Mama

disappointment

A while ago -- I long while ago -- I announced that I made the cut for a second interview for a job I was capable of doing in the area I want to move to.  I then waited.  And waited.  And waited.  I was told I would get a second interview.  I was told they would be in touch.  But they didn't actually set up the second interview.

After waiting 6-8 weeks to hear when that second interview might actually be I contacted them.  They apologized.  But said they were now in the position to move forward with scheduling the second interview.  They would be in touch soon.  So I waited some more.

Now it has been 8 weeks since the last contact.  I know this makes me sound desperate.  Waiting for this long.  But there are not a lot of jobs available.  Anywhere.  Much less in the place I want to move to.  I was willing to find other positions.  There were none.

Then today I did a little research.  And found a news article.  Which states that the position I have applied for will not be filled.  Because they are shutting down the entire program. 

I guess the only good news is that I didn't actually have a job there.  At least I still have my job here. 

But I feel hopeless.

Mean Mama

She does like me

On Monday there was a holiday open house at Ladybug's after school program.  My plan was to go.  I wanted to make sure that I go to these functions.  I know I have to work.  But she only has me.  I don't want her to think I can not make time for her.

Last week the counselors helped the kids make gingerbread houses so that they could show them off to the parents.  Ladybug asked me to go.  She asked me to like hers best.  But she did not seem excited about it. 

But Monday was a big day at work.  We had an arbitration.  I spent all last week preparing for arbitration.  I worked all day on Saturday (Ladybug in tow) preparing for arbitration.  I wanted this to go well.  I like our client.  And opposing party lied to me -- on more than one issue -- and I could prove it.  I was anxious to know how things were going.

About 1/2 hour before quitting time the bosses showed up with stories of what happened.  They both (YES!  Both) praised me for my great work.  And I heard stories.  They told me the issues that did not get reached.  We made plans on what needed to happen next.

Then I skipped out.  On time.  I found the quickest way to the after school program.  I drove up and parked.  I grabbed my coat and took a brisk walk (only partially because it was so flipping cold out) up to the front door.

And there was Ladybug.  Pacing the front lobby.  Waiting.  Talking to anybody who walked by.  When she saw me walk in she screeched with joy and ran to me.  She jumped in my arms and hung on.  She then dragged me to the gym.  Then the cafeteria.  Then back to the gym.  And back to the cafeteria.  She introduced me to all of the counselors (and not one seemed to have a reaction to the fact that I was a white mama to a black child).

It was really nice to see her excitement at my arrival.

Mean Mama

Christmas Tree

Apparently Ladybugs teacher is intent on sending home one major craft project a month.  Last month we had to decorate a turkey so that it doesn't look like a turkey.  So we turned it into a butterfly.

This month she sent home a Christmas tree.  The instructions:
1) The tree is divided into 10 sections.  Each section must contain different decorations.
2) The first section must have 1 item in it.  The second section must have 2 items in it.  And so on.
3) Do NOT buy anything to complete this project.

Easy enough?  Hopefully.  And I am happy I don't have to spend money.  Because I have none to spend.

Ladybug is so excited.  Some of the other kids have turned theirs in already and she can't wait to do hers.  She wants to put marshmallows and beans and pasta on hers.  I don't waste food.  Because I don't have a lot of extra food in the house.  I don't have marshmallows.  Ladybug is pretty sure that makes me a bad mama.  I don't have dried beans.  I do have dried split yellow peas.  I have pasta.  But it is not small macaroni.  It is farfalle and rotini. 

And then I remembered.  Last year we created all our own Christmas decorations.  I had bought things to glue on the decorations.  I rooted through her crafts and found the bag.  Full of decorations.  And hair.  Because she had spilled it last year and I scooped it off the floor along with a bunch of dog hair and just stuck it back in the bag.

In the end this is what she ended up with.  She picked each category.  I found them.  And she glued them.  Oh, and I got to clean up...again.

Mean Mama

preknick

I picked Ladybug up from after school one day last week and she asked...

Ladybug: Mama why did you want to adopt me?
Me: (Oh another one of those questions that makes me wonder what she is really asking.  Adopt HER?  Adopt, in general?  Have children?  This is a crap shoot.)  Because I wanted to be a mommy.
Ladybug: And you don't like being preknick? (because she has no ability to say the word pregnant)
Me: No, I never really wanted to be pregnant.
Ladybug: Because it hurts?
Me:  Well I don't know.  Because I have never been pregnant.
Ladybug:  But when you squeeze the baby out does it hurt?
Me: (Sometimes I regret having those honest open conversations about the facts of life).  Well, I imagine it does hurt some.  But women give birth every day so it must not be as bad as I think.

Ladybug: So you didn't want to give birth?
Me: No.  And I also can't get pregnant (sometimes I open my mouth without thinking).
Ladybug: What? (Real concern)
Me: Oh Honey, it's okay.  It's just that my body doesn't work right so I can't get pregnant.
Ladybug: Are you sick?
Me: No.  There is just something inside my body that doesn't work right so I can't get pregnant.  Everything else is fine. (Seriously how do you explain infertility to a 5 year old?)
Ladybug: (After a silence)  Will my body work right?  Will I be broken?
Me: Oh!  It is nothing you need to worry about right now.  Most women can get pregnant.  And when you are old enough I am sure you will have babies (and I am sure she would think there was nothing worse in the world then not being able to have a baby)

So here is what I accomplished that day:
1) My child thinks I am sick/broken.
2) She thinks giving birth hurts.
3) She is afraid that she might end up sick/broken.

Yeah, another good mama day.  NOT!

Mean Mama

my new puppy

As I finished my other post today, and I was reading it to see if I had made any really stupid comments, something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye.  So I casually glanced in that direction.  And I saw something crawl across the room.  Toward my cedar chest.

It was a bit of a blur.  And it crawled under the cedar chest before I got a good look at it.  But I knew what it was.  So instead of ignoring it... instead of checking it out... I first made a side trip.  I went to the laundry room.  And armed myself.  I came out with the most deadly weapon I know of.  A tall purple can.  Roach killer.

I went back to the living room and got down on my hands and knees.  Only to discover that apparently I don't spend much time on my knees.  It hurts to kneel on my knees.  So I got down on my belly.  And hoped that the thing had not climbed the stairs up to the bedrooms while I was arming myself.  In the shadows of the cedar chest I saw a little movement in the back.  So I waited.  I stalked.  I ... soon realized that if I was going to strike at some point I was not really in the prime position to attack and protect myself at the same time.  Let's face it -- I am too big to move fast from prone on the floor to up on my feet.

So I got on my feet and waited.  Waited...  I could out wait a roach.  And eventually it ventured out into the open.  And I had one thought.

That thing is the size of a small dog.

But I am the size of a small elephant.  So I pointed and I shot.

And it charged me.  I mean really charged.  Ran full force at me. 

So I stumbled backwards.  Almost lost my footing.  Tried to jump onto the couch.  Missed.  Almost fell.  scrambled up onto the couch.  Pointed and shot again. 

It turned tail and ran.  I hopped off the couch and charged after it.  Spraying the entire time.  And finally it died.

Mean Mama

How do I get into these conversations?

Really??

I was sitting here.  Minding my own business.  Playing on my computer.  Avoiding the work that must be done.

Avoiding the clean laundry thrown on the kitchen table that needs to be folded and prevented us from having dinner like a normal family (or maybe that should read abnormal family?).

Avoiding the bills piling up on my desk that are now past due and I must pay.  Soon!

Avoiding taking the clean dishes out of the dish washer.  Why did I ever think I would stay on top of doing dishes if I had a dishwasher?

Avoiding the pile of dishes now stacked (not so neatly) in the sink and is threatening to spill out on the counters at any moment.

Avoiding vacuuming -- well, because, nobody is coming to our house soon so why bother.

Avoiding putting a cute complicated hairstyle on head -- simple and out of the way would have to do for tonight.

I was successfully avoiding everything.  But there was no way I was going to avoid what was about to happen next.

Ladybug:  Mama who is in charge of of the world?
Me: (I know where this is heading.  I need to say the right thing.  Or at least not say the wrong thing.)  The whole world?
Ladybug:  Yes, who controls the world?
Me: (Yep, here we go.  Do not put your own beliefs on her!)  Well, who do you think controls the world?
Ladybug: God.
Me:  Ok. 
Ladybug: Nobody else could be the boss of the whole world.
Me: (Well, I know I wouldn't want that job).

Mean Mama

sensory issues

When Ladybug first came home we dealt with many things getting to know each other.  She had some serious sleep issues.  She refused to sleep anywhere but my bed.  I could deal with that.  She didn't need much sleep.  I could not deal with that.

Sometimes she had a hard time going to sleep.  The advice I got from other moms was to lightly rub her back and whisper to her that everything was fine.  I tried that.  It didn't work.  What I didn't know at the time was that kids with her type of sensory issues don't like soft touch and whispers.  It is not soothing to her.  I soon learned that.  I use to practically put my body weight on her and she would go to sleep. 

Strange child.

It was years later that I learned that I needed to do hard back rubs -- not light touch.  And she loves, loves, loves them. 

Tonight I was in bed with her trying to get her to go to sleep.  I let her take a late nap on the couch today so I knew this was going to be a challenge.  So I started rubbing her back.  Really rubbing.    HARD!  I was rubbing so hard that I was beginning to wonder if I was hurting her.  Her nightgown (which is a hand me down and might be as old as me) was tingling my hand and I didn't think it was comfortable for me so I didn't know how this was comfortable for her. 

She seemed to relax.  She was quiet.  She was not kicking and rolling and moving around.  And then she rolled her head in my direction and said....

Mama, put your back into it.

She wanted it harder.

Mean Mama

Too old

She cracks me up sometimes.  I mean where does she get this stuff?

We were heading out to lunch yesterday...because I had to work yesterday (yes, a Saturday -- only have working a full Friday when I was suppose to get out at 1pm) ... and we decided to go to the bagel shop.  Yeah!!! No fast food hamburgers. 

I asked her what she want on her bagel.

Ladybug: Just a plain bagel.
Me: No.  You need something other then bread.  (She is such a carb baby)
Ladybug:  Okay with butter and cheese.
Me:  Uh.  NO!  How about ham and cheese?
Ladybug:  Ok.  That works for me, Mother.

When did she get so grown up?

Mean Mama

Step mom

I like my step mom.  Really.  I should.  I am the one who brought her home.

My dad was living with another woman.  There was nothing wrong with her.  But she was focused on my dad.  We were a package deal so she accepted us but she didn't really get into the whole family thing.  She wanted my dad.  She didn't really want my sister and I. 

I use to hang out at my father's work.  He was a single father.  It was easy to get to his place.  And sometimes care needed to be inventive.  They had a lot of pot luck type parties at his work so I got to know the people.  I took a shine to one woman at work.  So I brought her home.  Literally.  I just thought it was fun to hang out.  I didn't realize my dad was enjoying it too.  Until the girlfriend moved out -- but not before she cut out her face from all the pictures left in the house.  Really.

My soon to be step mom moved in soon after that.  I guess I was a good match maker because they have now been married for over 25 years.  At least I did better than my dad did on his own since his first 2 marriages lasted about 18 months each. 

If I was so good at match making for him I wonder why I am still single???

Anyway, I liked her.  Like her.  She is calm and level headed.  She runs interference between me and my dad -- which is necessary sometimes.  She didn't play a "mom" role for us.  I mean she was an authority figure but we had a mom.  She was a step parent.  She was involved but my dad made the parental decisions.  Then she decided that she wanted kids of her own (hot topic language in the adoption world -- but it had nothing to do with biology and everything to do with actually getting to play the mom role).  She mellowed my dad in parenting too.  My younger brother and sister were raised very differently then my sister and I were -- I went off to college the same week my brother was born so we weren't raised in the house together (he married young). 

So I like her.  But she re-arranged my house.  She moved the dish drainer.  She moved my cupboards around.  She even turned my comforter around.  I am not sure why.  I am not sure why either.  I am sure it is not sinister but it is a little annoying.

Mean Mama

More on Project Hopeful

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7108307n

Mean Mama