Some successes... some stresses

I have had some successes.  I started the new medication.  I might have been a little tired this week.  I might have been sleeping like crap.  It might have been the meds.  Or it might have been the heat.  Oh MY!! The heat!  Just laying on the bed half naked and sweating.  I am blaming it on the heat.

But 2 amazing things happened this week.  One is that my swollen ankles slowly went down.  I fit into my shoes.  I am not embarrassed to show them.  Well, not as much.  Seriously.  This is wonderful.  And... yes there is more... I got an unexpected bonus.  I have bad knees.  I blew one out in my 20's.  Never healed right.  Plus I carry around a few extra pounds. HA!  I take Aleve twice a day.  I take Glucosamine and Chondrotin twice a day.  And then I realized that it was costing me about $50 a month.  That sucks.  So I decided to stop taking it.  Yikes!  And my pain went away.  Seriously!  My thyroid med got rid of my knee pain?  Apparently so.

I have had some stresses.  My house closing got delayed.  It was supposed to be on August 13th.  But it is a small community and we were having a hard time finding an appraiser who had time to come see my house.  So it is currently scheduled for August 27th now.  I have to be out of my apartment on August 31st.  This is stressing me out.  And I am freaking out over closing costs.  Oh please let this work out right.

I need to start packing.  Seriously.  I gotta stop talking about it and DO IT!

One last stress ... tomorrow I take Ladybug to her thyroid ultrasound.  Hope we get some answers.

Mean Mama

My world

Everybody is talking about big issues on their blogs.  Trayvon Martin (actually they are talking about the other guy but I refuse to call him by name).  The train explosion in Canada.  The plane crash in San Francisco.  The Equality House (again they are talking about a stupid church but I refuse to mention their name).  There is lots to talk about in today's world.

But it is my world right now.  On Friday I realized I was not actually joking when I said I would not make it 6 weeks with Ladybug in this state of mind.  Everyday was a struggle.  Every hour was a struggle.  Every minute was a struggle.  For me.  For her.  For everyone around us.  So I called her psychiatrist and told him I needed her back on the meds.  She needed to be back on the meds.  He agreed and she took her first dose on Friday night.  She takes a dose in the morning and a dose in the night.  She started to smooth out by Saturday night.  On Monday I had hope that she would have a good day at camp.  And she day.  Her primary teacher said she was a completely different children.  She is thoughtful.  She is kind.  She is loving.  She listens.  She tries.  She cuddles.

On Monday I went to my doctor for a follow-up appointment.  My labs (hypothyroid) were great.  Right on target.  I need my med.  But I don't like my med.  My feet are swelling.  A lot.  I have asked every doctor I have had for the last 15 years to switch to a natural thyroid hormone.  Every doctor has said no.  They don't trust it.  And I don't know a lot about it so I am not capable of making a good argument.  I have had at least 4 doctors say that they would not put me on.  My doctor choices are limited in a town of 5000 people.  So I went in on Monday and asked... completely unprepared to argue. 

And she said, "Sure." 

Just that.  Nothing more.  No argument.  Well that worked.  I got brave and decided to ask for more help.  I am doing so much better since being on the thyroid meds.  But doing better doesn't mean I am doing good.  So I asked if she would consider prescribing prozac for me. 

And she said, "Sure."

This does not feel like a doctor who is doing whatever I ask.  This feels like a doctor who realizes that I should have a voice in my own care.  I am not stupid.  I am not a hypochondriac.  I am trying to understand myself and my health.  I am trying to make decisions.  And with her guidance -- I can have a voice.

Oh and the good news... according to her scale I have lost 9 pounds since my last visit.  According to my scale it is 13 pounds.  Not great.  But good. And heading in the right direction.

Okay this heat is making my feet swell.  I need to put them up... this requires that my computer must be put down.

Mean Mama

The things you do on a whim

I have always wanted to own a house.  But the reality is I move too much.  And when it comes time to move it is so much easier to leave an apartment then to sell a house.  But I need to settle.  I need to stay put.  I need buy a house.

So one day at lunch I went out for a sandwich and ended up a real estate office.  That Saturday we did a tour of local houses.  There are 46 houses for sale in my price point in the town I wanted to be in.  We picked my top 8 choices and saw them all in one day.  Ladybug did not like this.  The following Tuesday I saw 2 more houses.  Of the 10 houses I saw I was considering 2 of them after the first showing. 

I decided to see both a second time.  Ladybug decided she hated one of them because she fell down the basement stairs.  She decided the only solution was to actually blow up the house.  In the end I decided that the better option was to just take the house off the list.  I mean, it had a lot of nice qualities and some features I really liked but it was listed for a much higher price than I thought it was worth. 

Down to 1 house.  To buy or not to buy?  What should I do?  Making these kinds of decisions is really hard all alone.  I asked for advice from my parents (all 3) and they all took the fifth.  Not very helpful.  So I asked to see the house for a third time.

I decided to buy the house.  But a complication came up.  I wasn't sure some of my furniture would fit in the house.  I have absolutely huge bedroom furniture.  So I decided that I would get rid of it.  I decided to take my mother's furniture -- since she is becoming a nun and all.  This was a hard decision for me because I love my furniture.  I mean I have moved the ridiculously large furniture several times -- including 700 miles in one direction and 700 miles back.  It fits me.  But it is just furniture.  So I could put on my big girl panties and get rid of it.

I mentioned this to Ladybug.  And I full on sobbing break down happened.  Why in the world would getting rid of my bed have an affect on her?  She said she wouldn't move if I got rid of my bed.  She said she was fine with not having a pet (her one main focus for 3 years now) if I would keep my bed.  She was willing to compromise by me putting my bed in storage for her to use as an adult.  What was going on?  And then I realized that my bed must be her security blanket.  It is the one thing she can trust will be there for her no matter what.  She has slept in it every night for the almost 7 years.  She feels safe there. 

So I had a decision to make.  Buy the house and deal with her meltdown.  Or not buy the house and let an 8.5 year old make a major life decision for me.  So I asked to see the house one more time. This time I took a measuring tape.  I measured all (and I mean ALL) of my furniture before going.  And I figured out a furniture layout that would allow me to put all my furniture in the house.

So I bought a house.  Well, almost.  I am in process.  The closing is scheduled for August 13th.  Fingers crossed.

It is a small house (obviously).  828 square feet.  1 bathroom.  2 bedrooms.  Open layout.  Wonderful basement.  Very little land (I hate yard work).  No garage.  At the end of a dead end street.  On a hill.

I think I will paint it purple.

Mean Mama

Life has stopped

I haven't been writing because there is nothing interesting happening in my life.  I have run out of things to write about.  That's all there is.

RIGHT!

I haven't been writing because I am overwhelmed.  Life is ... stressful. 

Ladybug finished 2nd grade.  With fantabulous grades.  Everything was going great.

Well, not really.  But I like to live in the land of delusion.

While school was ending I became aware that perhaps Ladybug had something medical going on.  The first worry was that perhaps she had diabetes -- or as the doctor called it, insulin resistance.  The good news is that the blood work (which did not require me to hold her down in a restraint for) came back perfectly normal.  The second worry was that perhaps she had a thyroid concern.  The jury is still out on this.  But with my mommy doctor degree I am already convinced she does in fact have it.  Her TSH level came back just high of the range.  Her free t4 came back in range but on the low end (she wanted to be on the end of the range).  And she had antibodies.  As the nurse said, present but not high.  It shouldn't be present at all.  So she has a neck ultrasound scheduled in a couple of weeks.  So we wait.

Nothing new for my health.  Yet.  I had blood work done yesterday for my thyroid.  I find out numbers on Monday.  I have an ultrasound of my ovaries tomorrow.  I had cysts at the last ultrasound.  But since I have PCOS it was not really a shocker.  I have not dealt with physical therapy for my knee or foot things.

Ladybug has been spending some time with her dentist.  Which is a big deal since it is a 2 hour drive to her office.  But things are going well.  She had them cleaned.  She had them sealed.  She had a cavity filled.  She had 2 sets of x-rays.  She needs one baby tooth pulled in August - unless she pulls it out first.  Then she will be done.

The real problem is that as school was ending we also decided to change her medications.  I guess when I start a paragraph like that you know this isn't going to be good.  We weaned her off the guanfacine.  And she started prozac.  It is not going well.  All the old behaviors are back.  Defiance.  Anger.  Dissatisfaction.  Her psychiatrist wants her to be like this for the next 6 weeks.  I am not sure I will make it through week one.

And with that I think it is time for me to go to bed.  So much more is happening.  But I make no promises about blogging.

Mean Mama