another month gone

1.  Lose weight.  Last year I set a goal and failed.   This year I am going to not set a number and just hope it is less than what I started at. This includes good eating habits and exercising.  The bad news is that I gained 9 pounds this month.  The good news is that I lost 9 pounds this month (in one weekend when I was sick).  The bad news is that I gained 5 pounds after getting better.  The good news is that I have managed to lose 4.6 by today.  So I am up .4 pounds this month but currently on a downward trend.
2.  Read at least 1 book a month.  I liked this one from last year and have decided to keep it.  I gave up on the book I was reading in January... even though it is still on my bedside table.  I then read 2 David Baldacci (is that how you spell his name?) books this month.  I read Hell's Corner and Sixth Man.  He is a great writer.  Fun books.
3.  Get at least 8 hours of sleep at least 4 times per week.  I liked this one from last year and I think it is wise that I keep it this year. First half of the month was really bad.  Last half was great.  Helps to be sick - I want nothing more than to sleep.
4.  Blog at least 12 times per month.  I am lowering the number but keeping the goal.  Done!
5.  Refinish the new kitchen table.  Really.  Not yet.  I fear might fail at this 2 years in a row.
6.  Start a 529 account.  Not yet!!
7.  Start a savings account. Not yet!!
8.  Eat out no more then 2 times per month.  I think it is important to keep this one from last year.  Hmmmm.  I forgot to track.  I think I did not succeed.  But I don't think I was bad.  No fast food this month though.
9.  Learn how to use the video feature of the camera and learn how to use Photoshop.  Nothing.
10. Pay all bills on time. I think this is an important one to keep.  Bills???  What's that.  Being sick has really made me lose motivation.
11. Make a decision about going to graduate school.  If going then start the process of making it happen.  Still side tracked... some developments with the side track.  I am in the running for a new job.  I have my second interview in a couple of weeks.  I am really interested in the job.  And scared.  But can't make any progress with school until I know what is happening with the job.
12.  The secret.  Not ready to say it out loud but need to make a decision and make it happen.  See above. 

Much better month this time.  And I am really proud of myself considering I spent 2 weekends in bed sick and feeling bad many more days than I allowed my to feel.  Feeling positive about what March will bring.

Mean Mama

change in hair

It is time to change her hair.  I think it has been about 4 weeks with this style.  It was really getting fuzzy.

Oh yeah, we are talking serious hair neglect.

So yesterday I took it down.  I hoped to do it all in one day.  But I feel like crap. So I got it down.  And then I was done.

It was a nice "braid out" so I did what I never do... I left it down.  Well, one ponytail overnight.  Down during the day... with just a head band.

And then I washed it tonight.

Some people have issues with washing hair.  Don't do it!  You will hear that over and over.  I wash her hair when her styles come out.  But I do wash.  Her hair begins to stink if I don't.  And now that she is swimming again I need to rinse a moisturize a lot. And I did not wash before the last style went in so it has been nearly 2 months since she has had her head fully washed.  So it was time.  Wash and conditioned. 

I am committed to doing easier, simple styles.  So I divided the hair into 16 sections and did chunky 2 stranded rope twists.  And then pulled them up into a bun. 

Simple.  Sweet.  Easy.  Which is good because doing hair when you are sick -- sucks!

Mean Mama

The slipery slope

The slope is slippery.  And we are on it.

Not really shocking.  I mean first I was sick.  Now she is sick.  And it looks like I might get sick again.  But I can not blame it on illness.  Behaviors are not acceptable no matter what the circumstance.

On Monday she spent the day with a friend and her 2 young kids.  Ladybug decided she liked the youngest but not the older.  So she was mean to the older one.  Why?  It is almost like she only needs to be nice to one person at a time.  Everyone else can incur the wrath.

And then there were the lies.  Just stories.  Making up things.  She went somewhere she didn't really go.  She knows someone she doesn't really know.  But honesty is important to me.  And it needs to be important to her.  And she thinks she is being believed.  So she makes up more.

And then there is the attitude.  Complete disgust or annoyance if she is required to do something she doesn't want to... run an errand, brush her teeth, do her homework, get dressed, ... anything. 

So I decided we needed to have a talk tonight.  During dinner.  Apparently my timing sucks.  First she ignored me by blowing bubbles in her milk.  So I took her glass away.  So then she began shoveling food in her mouth so fast I was worried she might choke.  So I took her food away.  And then she sat quietly... and belched at me.  Over and over.  She wanted to avoid the conversation.  So I sent her to her room.

Never a dull moment in this house.

Mean Mama

The power of 10

I read another blog this week.  The theme of the day was to shed.  Shed things.  Get rid of things we don't need.  Her idea was that each person in the family needed to let go of 10 items each. 

While I was sick over the weekend I watched No Impact Man.  This is a documentary about a family (yes, family ... despite the name).  That decides to spend 1 year trying to leave no impact on the earth while living in NYC.  No transportation that is not self propelled.  No food that is not locally grown.  No buying new things.  No electricity.  No paper goods.  No trash.  I liked it.  But I was really sick so I might have imagined it all.

So I decided that I can do this Power of 10 thing.  So the goal is I will give up 10 items.  Ladybug will give up 10 items.  Each week.  Until the end of March.  I think that will be 5 weeks (haven't looked at a calendar yet).  I should be down 50 items.  And so should Ladybug.  Maybe this will make packing easier if I actually get the chance to move.

So these are the items I am getting rid of tonight.

Seven shirts and 3 skirts.  The brown skirt is so old it has more holes than material.  The other 2 skirts I haven't worn in years.  And I need the hanger space.  The 7 shirts: 2 have holes in them, 1 has stains on it, 1 itches, and 3 are just not my style so I have never worn them.

These are the items Ladybug is givin up (although she doesn't know it).

Two pairs of shoes: 1 doesn't fit and 1 hurts her feet.  An apron.  An old backpack.  A skirt that no longer fits.  Three pairs of pants that she refuses to wear because she doesn't like the feeling. Swimming floatation device that she no longer needs. And 2 identical bags (I am counting this as 1).

They are in a garbage bag (those not being thrown away) waiting to be dropped off at the second hand store tomorrow morning.  The one I pass by on my way to work. 

Mean Mama

so much going on

There has been so much drama and trauma in the last couple of days and it would be easy for me to just go on and on and on.  But to be honest, I don't have the energy to do that tonight.

So after nearly 2 years of looking for a new job that will allow me to move closer to those I love, I have once again managed to start the interviewing process again.  It was just pure luck actually.  A few jobs came open.  I saw them at the right time and I applied.  There have been so few appropriate jobs for me to apply for that I was giving up hope.

Both jobs are with DSS.  In the same state but different areas of the state. 

The first interview was as a caseworker.  They were interested in me because I have a degree in social work and I am a paralegal.  However, it because obvious during the interview that they had no idea what a paralegal does.  Apparently a fair amount of the job is court involved and they wanted someone who was comfortable in front of judge.  judge's don't worry me.  But the reality is, I am a paralegal -- not a lawyer.  I don't go to court.  I don't go before a judge.  I think the interview went well.  They said they were hoping to make decisions about second interviews within a week or so.  Two weeks have passed.  The job is no longer posted.  I might not have made the cut.

The second interview was as a Domestic Violence Specialist.  Now with my background this would be a great fit.  I had the interview on Friday.  I think it went well.  An interesting thing happened in the interview.  It was a panel of people.  One woman spoke up and she told me that she had work at 2 of the same places I had worked at -- just years before me.  Which is odd because I have only had 5 professional jobs since graduating from college.  I don't know if that helped or not, just thought it was interesting.  But at the end they asked me to send my list of references... which I might need to get to tonight before going to bed.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Mean Mama

attachment update

You may be thinking that attachment stuff is no longer a problem in my house because I have not mentioned it in a while.  YES!  She is cured!  Our house is perfect.  We no longer have any issues!  Really?  Okay, if you believe that you must go back and take the basic Attachment for Dummies 101 class (if only that existed).

The reality she has been fan-flipping-tastic most of the time.  Well, for her.  She is not a sweet, little, quiet, polite, mature girl.  She never will be.  And, dare I say, I might be bored with a child like that.  I still worry about school.  Not because she isn't smart.  She is.  She just doesn't want to prove it -- likes to keep expectations low.  Not because she gets in lots of trouble.  She pointed out to me the other day that she hasn't been sent to the principal's office yet in first grade -- I had to tell her that was a good thing.  But she does get in trouble all the time at school.  For drawing when she is done with her homework.  Or shaking her head -- beads.  Or singing in the bathroom. Or yelling at lunch.

So I made her a deal today.  If she came home with only 1 "X" on her behavioral contract today I would let her watch American Idol.  She got 2.  One was noise related.  One was not playing nice with a classmate.  So technically she got 1 "X" by my standards.  But she greeted me when I went to pick her up by slamming into me at full speed.  It hurt.  And then she kicked me in the butt while I was talking to another kid.  And then she laughed at me when I got upset about it.  And then she took an attitude with me when I asked her to carry HER backpack to the car.

She knew she had lost American Idol and she was determined to make it a terrible night.

When we arrived home it got worse.  I asked her to do her homework (reading a book to me).  She stomped upstairs.  She stomped through the house.  She huffed.  She puffed.  She started reading to me.  Well... she mumbled to me. 

About half way through the book (One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish) she started sobbing.

This is where I had to go back to Attachment for Dummies.  Number 1 rule about parenting a child with attachment issues is... if it feels wrong, it is probably right.

Through her sobs she manages to ask me to stop being mean to me.  I was mean to her?  She kicked me.  She laughed at me.  She was rude to me.  And I was being mean to her?

Yes, I was mean to her.  And her sobs and tears proved it. And it just got worse.  So I asked her if she needed a hug.  She didn't know.  I asked her if I should just let her cry.  She said yes.  So I did.  That lasted about 5 minutes before she asked me for a hug -- through sobs.  So she crawled on my lap and snuggled into my chest.

And then I gave her the chance to earn American Idol back.  This is where any sane parent says something like, "Oh that is so wrong!  Stay strong.  Do not do that."

She had to finish her homework -- without complaining.  She had to fold her clean clothes and put them away -- without whining.  She had to take a shower -- without fighting.  And she had to eat her veggies -- without me begging.  If she did that she could watch idol.

She took the deal.  And she had a good night.

Mean Mama

Experimenting

I am experimenting when in comes to parenting.  Not that that is a new idea -- most parenting is a complete experiment.  But here is my latest.

Do you recognize this?

It is the pretty flower Ladybug made me buy for her hair.  She wore it on Valentine's Day.  Well, part of the day.  Then it began to annoy her so she took them off.  And stuck it in her backpack.

When we got home from school yesterday it fell out of her backpack.  In the middle of a hallway.  The hallway between the living room and kitchen.  The hallway is narrow.  And traveled a lot.

It is still there.  I am waiting until she picks it up.  I will not ask.  I will not move it.  We are just over 24 hours now.  Any bets?

Mean Mama

Dilemmas

I think I have figured out why I have "bloggers block" (there I go making up words again).  I have been struggling with each post.  I can't find topics.  I don't want to write.  I don't even visit my blog some days.  But why would I not want to blog.

It isn't that I don't want to blog.  It is that my mind is on other things.  And it is taking up all possible brain power.  Well, that and the turn of events have left me confused... depressed... paralyzed.  Kind of.

So I hinted in my new year's resolution that I had a secret.  I do have a secret.  Or I did.  I drive when I go on vacation.  Hours.  And during my last holiday travels I made a decision.  I was so sure of it.  I thought it through -- for the first day I thought about it for 14 hours.  And then I had a week to keep going back to it.  And then another 14 hours on the way home to solidify my resolution.

I decided to adopt again.  I want another child.  Ladybug wants a sibling.  I decided to adopt through foster care. I decided I wanted a 7-9 year old African American girl.  I had a lot of time to think about it.

After getting home I spent a week getting back into the swing of things.  Then I spent a week doing research.  Then I made some phone calls.  And while I was waiting for someone to call me back... my life got turned upside down.

As I was waiting I decided to just look through some of my normal job hunting sites.  I didn't expect to find anything because I hadn't found anything in almost a year.  The economy sucks.  Why would a possible suddenly pop up?  It wouldn't.  But it did.  Not just one.  But 2 jobs.

And then I didn't know what to do.  I was so sure I needed to move on with my life. I was so sure adopting again was the plan.  But all of a sudden there was a possibility of moving again.  So do I ignore the few and far between job possibilities?  Do I say here?  Do I expand my family?  Do I pursue the jobs?  Do I hope to move?  Do I possibly give up the possibility of adopting another child?

There were a couple of days that I did nothing.  I thought.  But like a rat in a maze, I got no where. I could not make up my mind.  There reality is... I wanted it all.  I want a new job.  I want to move.  I want a child.  But I couldn't seem to figure out in my head how that was all possible.  Something had to give.  Until I finally decided to sit back and just see what would happen.  I continue to wait for a call back from DSS (apparently they don't need foster/adoptive parents).  I applied for the jobs.  I did research on the 2 towns (2 jobs in different places).  I had an interview for one of the job nearly 2 weeks ago.  I have an interview for the second job at the end of this week.  Just waiting to see what will happen.

And then I will have to be proactive in my life and make a few decisions.

Mean Mama 

Hair update

Her style is holding up fairly well.  But she decided that she wanted to have something that was appropriate for the upcoming holiday.

I have seen all kinds of hairstyles this week.  Hearts everywhere.  But I am sticking to my promise -- easier, more simple styles.

So we compromised.  We kept her current style but adding holiday beads.

I am voting that she not wear the big silly pink flowers.  We will see who wins that battle tomorrow morning.

Mean Mama

I am cured!

The other day I got a call on my cell while at work.  Typically speaking I don't answer my cell at work.  Unless I recognize the number and know what I am getting myself into.  The number popped up and I thought, "I should know this number."  But I didn't.  So I took a risk and answered it.

It was a friend.  She needed a babysitter for the evening -- ironically so she could go babysit other kids.

I had no reason to say no.  I had no plans.  And she has been fabulous about taking care of Ladybug when I have been in a pinch.  And I really like her girls.  And Ladybug would love it.

It is a nice match.  Her 2 girls are adopted.  One just younger than Ladybug.  One just older than Ladybug.  They have some similar behavioral issues as Ladybug.  And the mom is good about handling Ladybug's issues.  The least I could do was return the favor.

She called me on my drive to pick the girls up.  Her words were ... You are going to hate me.  I knew that meant one or both of her girls were having a bad day.  But then I thought back to those days I had dropped Ladybug with her at a time when I really wanted to just lock her in her room.  And then through the day I would get reports about how wonderful Ladybug was.  Maybe her girls would be the same.  Maybe they would be angels for me.

Let me just say that they really were fantastic for me.  There were no major behavioral issues -- well at least not from her girls.  But as a mother of an only child, there are things I just don't have to deal with and therefore just don't think about.

Ladybug is still in the back seat.  M sat in the front seat with me.  And she was ALL hands.  Changing the radio.  Turning on or off the heat.  Windows up.  Windows down.  Glove box opened.  Center compartment opened.  I did smack her hand once -- when she reached for the gear shift (while we were moving).  Luckily, I was able to verbally stop her as she reached for the emergency brake.  We talked about it each time.  But she would forget within minutes.  I locked the window controls.  It never even occurred to me that a child would be all hands just by being in the front seat.

Then we went to our new favorite pizza place for dinner.  TWENTY-FIVE minute wait.  Are you serious?  Do you think 3 hyper, excited, out of control kids are going to be able to wait 25 minutes without ripping up the joint?  I am not that stupid.  The hostess offered space at the pizza bar.  Me??  Sitting on stools at a bar???  With 3 hyper, excited, out of control, giggly girls.  I saw disaster written all over that.  So we left and went to our second favorite pizza joint.

We arrive and one of the doors won't open.  Really?  How did we break a car door during the trip?  Then I think maybe the child lock is on.  But even I can't open it from the outside.  And it is unlocked.  I checked.  But I have 3 hyper, excited, giggly, hungry girls.  So I don't care.  Crawl our any door you can and lets go have dinner.  Luckily this place has lots of games -- partial games.  So the kids play.  And bounce.  And laugh.  And ...

The woman next to me tells me I do really well with my triplets.  LOLOLOLOL  When I tell her they are not triplets she asks me which 2 are twins.  I must look haggard.

We make it through dinner and head out.  The door to the car opens -- without issue.  How did that happen.  Ladybug and L are in the back hitting and giggling and having fun.  And poking at M who is in the front seat.  M starts to talk to me.

M: You are way cooler than my mom.
Mama: I think Ladybug would disagree with you.
M: But you are fun and my mom is so serious.
Mama: Well it is hard work being a mom.
M: What is so hard about it?
Mama: Being a mom is the hardest job you will ever have.
M: You haven't told me why it is hard.
Mama: (smart kid)

So I go through all those things moms do for the children they love.  You know... cooking, dishes, cleaning, buying things, laundry, driving them places, playing games, taking them to doctors, helping with homework, etc.

She was not impressed.  How hard could it possibly be to do all those things?

She didn't want to be convinced.  So I gave up trying.

Home.  The girls ran upstairs to play Barbies.  Finally Ladybug has a playmate to play with all her Barbie stuff.  She was so excited.  But she had decided that she only liked M now.  L was a third wheel she didn't want.  I was downstairs (folding 3 weeks of laundry before their mom showed up and saw what a wreck my house was) listening to them. L was being so sweet.  So good.  No outbursts.  No problems.  M was playing along.  Not taking a lead.  Not sitting back.  Maybe trying to parent L a little but overall doing well.

Ladybug was just mean.  L couldn't touch her stuff.  L couldn't play with them.  L was too young.  I had to pull her out and have a talk.  Sibling rivalry.  Without having siblings.

Just 2.5 hours.  With good kids.  And no major disasters.  And yet I am beginning to think 1 child might just be my limit.

Mean Mama

Hair

I have been struggling with hair lately.  I know how to care for it.  I know how to style it.  But it is a lot of work.  And I spend way too much time looking through some fabulous websites of other white mama's of black babies who do a great job with hair.  I am not in their league.  At some point I might have fancied myself in their league.  I am not.  Plaint and simple.

But I must still care for her hair.  Now that she is in swimming lessons I must be extra careful about her hair. 

Last style was a style I stole from one of the fabulous websites.  It required flat rope twists.  While I can do rope twists, and I can do box braids, and I can do cornrows, I had never managed to do flat twists.  NEVER!  So I was stretching my skills.  It also required yarn extensions.  Which I had never even attempted.  After tons of research, a shopping trip, and over 6 hours of screaming and fighting, Ladybug had a new style.  She loved it.  Me?  Not so much.

After one week I discovered a problem.  She had a swimming lesson.  Apparently, yarn soaks up water.  Who knew???  Apparently not me.  Stupidly.  So I cut out that yarn extensions after that day.  But only the length.  I did not undo the style.  So the yarn actually stayed in her hair.  Through another swim lesson.  For another week.

This is the style she started with.

I took it out on Saturday night.  And I moisturized.  Lots.  Then I stuck it up in a very large bun for the night.

And I let her wear that way on Sunday.  Trying to decide what to do with her hair.

I decided... I am not good enough to do those fancy styles.  And she is not a movie star.  She is a beautiful little girl.  And her hairstyle should reflect that.  I decided to go simple.  So 2 hours of comb and braiding and beading last night and this is how she went to bed last night (and school this morning).

Luckily, although she hates knots, she doesn't yet see them as an embarrassment.

And then we finished the style this evening (another 2 hours of combing and braiding).

I think it is an age appropriate style.  And I like it a whole lot better.

Mean Mama

Attachment updates

The important thing to understand about attachment is ... THE IS NO CURE.  And she keeps getting smarter.  And trying new things.

Today's new thing was actually smart.  But it was creative.  And it almost earned her an early bedtime.

We were in the grocery store.  Yes, the dreaded store.  And I was reprimanding her about every 3 seconds.  That is not really much of an exaggeration.  As I corrected one behavior she went to something else. 

Picking up all the produce.  Not picking a snack.  Running the cart into displays.  Walking away.  Not listening. 

The list goes on.  About half way through the store I stop and try to get control of the situation.

"Stop and look at me."
"Listen to me."
"Breathe."
"Do we need to leave?"
"Can you get control?"

And how did she respond?  Looked me square in the face.  Pretended to listen.  And crossed her eyes.

Seriously?

And she wasn't being funny.  Somehow she didn't realize I could see it.  Even though I was looking into her eyes.

Always something new.

Mean Mama

turkey soup

I made a fabulous turkey soup recently.  Ladybug even ate it.  Mostly.  Without complaining.  Mostly.  She is refusing to eat it a second time.  But that is okay.  Because I don't want to share.

I started with this..

Yes that is a mostly frozen turkey carcass that has been stored in my freezer for a long time.

I started by boiling the carcass.

You will notice that apparently I don't have a large enough pot to actually boil a turkey carcass.  So I boiled it for a while then I flipped it over and boiled the other half.  It was right about this time that I was really wishing I had a pair of tongs.

While it boiled... I chopped.

So pretty.  Really.  Pure food it attractive.  Sure processed food is to.  But doesn't this just look healthy and delicious?

 When everything was chopped and turkey had boiled this is what it looked like.  I then had to take all the bones out.  Strain the broth (really need a good strainer too).  Add the turkey meat that had been removed from the bones back into the pot.

Add veggies.  And cook for a little while.

I opted to not add the barley.  Because I am freezing it.  When I take a serving out of the freezer I heat it in a pot and then add the barley.  It is really a nice soup.

Mean Mama