We have entered this place where I am always wrong...even when I am not. She will ask questions that I don't know the answer to and then she will make up answers. Always wrong. Or she will tell me "facts" that aren't true. Or she will fight me on stupid things. She has the need to be right. Must be right. Must be knowledgeable. Must know everything.
It is no fun to be around a "know it all."
And it was rapidly getting worse...and then it dawned on me.
She was scared. Of school starting. Of first grade. And the morning of the first day of school she even said so. Before we crawled out of bed. And I thought, "Well, duh!"
And then it got better. Until today. We got home from errands -- some of which she likes. She turned on the TV. I turned it off. She gave me attitude. I ignored it. I started cleaning. She pouted. I asked her to find something to do. She refused. I told her to go clean her room. She said she didn't want to. I told her I wasn't asking, I was telling. She through the teddy bear across the living room, jumped off the couch, tossed me a dirty look, and proceeded to stomp across the room. Or tried. I stopped her and sat her back on the couch. I looked her straight in the face and spoke to her.
She cried. It wasn't the "I'm so sorry" cry. It wasn't the "I've messed up" crying. It was fear. Pure. Simple. Fear. I gave her a choice. She could go to bed or she could change her attitude and clean her room. She cleaned her room.
And then we talked.
The problem is...she doesn't want to be punished. She doesn't want to be wrong. She is scared I will not like her if she is not perfect.
Five years today. Five years as a family. And she still questions my love for her.
One thing I often tell MK is, "If you pretend to know it all, you won't ever learn anything." We also do, "Teach Me" every night at dinner. Where we have both of the girls teach us one thing they learned at school that day, and we just let them have their glory. It had really curbed the "I'm right you're wrong" issues we were having for a good part of this first year.
ReplyDeleteShe sounds so much like a mix of my two. With that ODD streak like they had when they first came home.
Hope it eases up! Good job seeing through the behavior to the fear. :)