I lost it

We have had a decent week... over all.  I mean, it was not perfect.  But not true major meltdowns.  Until last night.  And even that was over quick.  She refused to go to bed.  I gave her a choice, go immediately or lose 1/2 hour of tv in the morning.  I love her having tv on weekend mornings so I can sleep.  But she not only refused to go but she started kicking things across the living room.  I asked her to stop or she would lose another half hour.  This time she spun around and shot me the dirtiest look she possibly could muster up.  I told her to go or she would lose another half hour.  At which point she started yelling at me.  So I told her no tv at all and go to bed. 

I kept my cool.  Really.  I didn't raise my voice.  I didn't threaten.  I didn't use a "tone" with her.  All was done with love and compassion.

She woke up sad.  Sad she didn't get tv.  And mad.  At me.  Because I told her she couldn't have tv.  But we talked our way through it and then proceeded to have a good day.  Really.  She tried to trap me into some negativity but I refused to bite and she gave up trying quickly.

Until we were in the car.  We had to go to Target.  She has a head cold and we are almost out of kleenex.  The nightlight has burned out and we needed a new one - if I have any hope of getting her to stay part of the night in her room.  She has a head cold and we are out of medication.  I forgot what time of month it was and was caught without protection.  We needed to go to Target.  And she had done well.  She did some art -- Picasso-esque.  She had played with her barbies.  She had done some singing and dancing.  So before heading out for Target I made a deal with her.  If she did well on this little trip (takes about 10 minutes to get there) she could have a movie when we returned.  Half hour.  Good behavior.  For a movie.  Worth it.

Or so I thought.

About 5 minutes into the trip she casually announced... without malice....

Ladybug: I wish you were not my mother.
Mama: (don't bite) ok.
Ladybug: No.  I mean it.  I wish you were not my mother.
Mama: (Don't Bite).  Ok.  Why do you wish I wasn't your mother (calm...cool...no hurt feelings)?
Ladybug: Because I wish I had a mother I liked.
Mama:  (Nibble)  How would you like me to respond to that?
Ladybug:  I don't know.
Mama: Well why did you say it?
Ladybug: I don't know.
Mama: Was it a nice thing to say?
Ladybug: No.
Mama: So what were you hoping would happen by saying that?
Ladybug: I don't know.
Mama: Were you trying to hurt me?
Ladybug: No.  It was an accident.
Mama:  Saying something mean, that you know is mean, and repeating it is not an accident.  Why were you trying to hurt me?
Ladybug: I don't know.
Mama: Okay.  Well maybe you can think about it and you can let me know later.

End of discussion.  I nibbled.  But I did not bite.  Really.  I stayed calm.  I did not take it personally -- outwardly.  I did not raise my voice.  I did not use a "tone" with her.

And then I handed her a tissue and asked her to blow her nose.  She hates blowing her nose.  She can't breathe through her nose - literally - because of all the snot and yet she refuses to blow her nose.  I asked her to blow her nose.  She didn't respond.  I hate that.  I stop at a stop light and look back at her.  I ask her to take the tissue and blow her nose.  She takes the tissue and wipes her nose and throws it on the floor of the car.  I can feel my blood pressure start to rise.

I grab another tissue and I hand it back to her.  I tell her to blow her nose.  BLOW.  Not wipe.  She reaches out to take the tissue.  The light turns green.  I drive a standard.  I need both hands to get the car moving.  I ask her again to take it.  I look back.  She has put one finger and her thumb on the smallest part of the tissue and is holding it.  But won't really take it.  The car behind me beeps. 

And I exploded.  All she had to do was nothing.  NOTHING.  And she could have a movie.  But instead she is trying to make me angry.  She is trying to hurt me.  She is trying to make this difficult.  I yelled.  I know this is wrong.  But I yelled. 

Then she was all offended that I was upset with her.  Back to square one.

Mean Mama