Tangle Teezer

One of my Facebook friends raved about the Tangle Teezer a few months ago.  You can check it out here tangle teezer .  She raved so much that I went out and bought it.  It was cheap.  It was easy to find.  So I bought it.

I tried it on Ladybug right away.  And hated it.  Really.  I mean it didn't work at all.  It did nothing for her. 

But even though it was cheap I decided not to just ditch it.  Normally I don't keep things I don't need but I actually had room in the hair dresser (yes, we have an entire 3 drawer dresser just for her hair stuff) so I kept it.

Then over Thanksgiving my niece came to visit.  She is bi-racial and her Mama had not made any real attempts to learn how to care for the hair.  She is very fine (like her mama), loosely curled hair.  She has beautiful curls.  So her mama normally just throws it up in ponytails.  And it looks adorable.  But she asked me if I would do K's hair.  And I touched her hair and realized she was in desperate need of some real knowledge.   She let me know that she washes it every other day or so and then lathers it with vaseline and is done.

Vaseline?!?!  Okay, call me a snob.  I don't care who tells you it is okay.  Do not use vaseline on her hair!  Ever.  Much washing and conditioning happened that day.  And combing.  Oh yeah, back to the tangle teezer.  I tried it on her hair, too.  Her hair is thinner and less curly so I figured it may work on her.  Of course I did not account for the fact that K's hair felt like it had glue in the ends.  So I confirmed I hate the tangle teezer. 

But again I did not toss it.

So tonight was hair night.  It was not going to be pretty.  I had taken micro braids out last night.  I had washed and conditioned last night.  And patted dry last night.  And then I did nothing more.  NOTHING.  I did not combed it.  I did not put in extra conditioner.  I did not put it in puffs or large braids.  I did not put a cap on.  Nothing.  This morning I put it is a large puff -- uncombed.  That went over well - she hates puffs.  So as we sat down to do hair today I knew it was not going to be pleasant.  Her hair tangles very easily. 

And I decided to give the tangle teezer one last try.  And.... it worked.  I mean it.  It combed through it.  Without much pain.  And fairly quickly.  I got her hair combed, parted, and in 13 twists in less than 90 minutes.  That is good (her hair is long).  And she only yelled at me once. 

Well, she did freak out on me one other time.  But it wasn't her fault.  With wet, conditioned, gelled hands it was hard to keep the little slippery sucker in my hand.  I accidentally flung it across the room no less that 6 times during those 90 minutes.  I mean all the way across the room.  It went sailing and one of us had to get up to retrieve it.  Except once it flew straight into the air and came right down on her cheek.  She freaked.  I didn't blame her. 

I don't hate it anymore but I need some kind of gripping glove to wear while I use it.

Mean Mama

another step... in some direction

So a few years ago (time flies) Ladybug hit 40 pounds.  The big issue with this was that weight limit for her car seat.  I was faced with the decision to move her into a booster seat.  I wasn't ready for her to be in a booster seat.  Really.  I wanted her in a 5 point harness (this was before my free range ideas -- but for the record the author is all for car seats). 

So instead of putting her in a regular booster seat I went into research mode.  I found a car seat that went up to 60 pounds in a 5 point harness.  I don't care if the law says she was ready for a booster seat -- I wasn't ready.  And it was worth every penny.  Despite her complaining that it makes her feel like a baby.  And the nice thing about it was that she was old enough to buckle and unbuckle herself.

Fast forward a few years...

This past weekend she hit 60 pounds.  Yikes!  And... YIKES!

Time to get rid of the 5 point harness.  So I turned the car seat into a booster seat.  I stripped off the 5 point harness.  I set it in the car to be used with the regular seat belt.  The real problem is that she can't buckle it.  And she keeps pulling the shoulder strap all the way out so it locks.  So every time getting in the car I must take the shoulder strap out of the car seat to unlock it and then put it back in.  Then I must go around the car to the other side and climb in the car to buckle it. 

So she may be growing up but somehow we have taken a step back so that I have to be crawling in and out of the car to buckle her up and keep her safe.

Mean Mama

... two steps back

Today, just a few short hours ago, I commented on another blog that I thought the book I am currently reading is making me a better mother.  It is giving me hope.  I feel better.  Ladybug is acting better. 

I picked her up from school today and the first thing she said is, "Mama, I gotta tell you something."

I have learned that nothing good ever, ever, ever follows those words.  My heart sank.  I tried not to groan.  And I tried not to hit my head on the steering wheel.  I should at least wait to see what it is she has to tell me before I react.

Me:Okay, so what would you like to tell me...
Ladybug: I had to go down to the principal's office today.
Me: Okay...why? (still trying to hold it together)
Ladybug:  Because I got mad at A (girl in her class that she doesn't like) and I told her I was going to kill her.

Really?  Seriously?  So I look in her backpack.  Maybe she is making it up???  Yellow note.  That is a principal note.  "Class bully"  "Threatened to kill."  She is in KINDERGARTEN.

Maybe things are not going as good as I had thought.

Lots of crying -- mostly me.  And very tired.

Mean Mama

another project

The school keeps me busy with assigning project after project.  I know they are suppose to be done by Ladybug but they still take up a lot of my time.

A little while ago they home the Valentine's Day project.  She needs to make valentine day cards for all of her classmates and a small list of teachers.  A total of about 35 people.  But please pay attention to the sentence.  MAKE cards.  Not buy.  MAKE.

Why does she need to make cards?  Because it is important to teach the kids the relationships take time and work.  Yes, that is a direct quote from the directions. 

So I went out and bought all the supplies to make the cards.  Construction paper, card stock, stencils, stamps.  And we started making cards.  I sat with her.  Read off the list of names.  She made cards.  Slowly.  Very sloooooowly. 

After about a week of making cards we had about 10 done.  10!  I need to do another 25.  I realized we were not going to make it.  Not and keep our sanity.  So I made the choice to break the rules.  We went out and bought cards and candy.  And I sat with her as she wrote out the names on the cards and taped candy to it.  After 2 days we are done.

So the lesson we learned is... if friendships are all work and no fun, get new friends.

Mean Mama

Pet peeve

Because I haven't complained enough lately...

Let me just tell you one little annoying pet peeve.  As part of my job I am often writing legal documents that must identify the children involved.  Our standard language is something like...

There were X children born or adopted of the marriage, namely...

Simple, to the point.  Right?  But here is where I get pissy (at least internally).  Almost every single one of my clients who does NOT have adopted children requests that I remove the "or adopted" from the document.  Absolutely none of the adoptive parents has requested that I remove the "born or" from the document.  The non adoptive parents usually say something like "well why would I put something in there that isn't true?"

Hey Dude (or Dudette) I am not making any kind of comment on how your children came into your family!  I am covering all the bases.  Why is it so offensive to have the "or adopted" in your document?  If it doesn't apply then it doesn't apply. 

I know this is my own personal issue but I really feel like people are unknowningly and untentionally saying my family is second class.  "Why would I say my family is adopted if they weren't?"  Why does it matter?  Family is family.  Period.

Pissy.
Mean Mama

Walking to school

You may have read on an earlier post, I am contemplating this "free-range" idea.  For those not interested in this, it freaks them out completely.  My aunt is pretty sure that I am being grossly neglectful by just considering it.  The question that has been raised by others is how can I embrace free-range with a child that might also have an attachment disorder?  Well, I am taking baby steps.

So my first step was letting Ladybug walk to school today.  Sort of...

Before anybody freaks out (or congratulates me), let me explain the situation.

I live right next door to the school.  Literally.  Imagine if you will...   A townehome rental community on a corner of 2 major roads.  This community is made up of about 4 dead end streets.  I live on the first one (at the end of the dead end).  You go 4 streets over and you hit a row of trees.  A row.  Not a forest.  A row of trees.  On the other side of the row is a paved walking path.  On the other side of the path is another row of trees -- again a row.  Immediately on the other side of that row of trees is the school.  Well, the parking lot is between the row of trees and the school doors.  But there is a fenced in walk-way from the row of trees, around the parking lot, directly to the front door of the school.  And there is a paved side walk from the street all the way up to the fenced walk-way to the school.  From my front door to the school is .2 miles.  .2 miles.  That's it. 

So today, I let her walk.  From the street at that pathway leading to the school all the way to the front door.  We are talking about 100 feet.  Instead of getting in the carpool lane and dropping her off right at the front door. 

I didn't tell her in advance.  I drove up to the pathway and parked.  She looked at me puzzled. 

Me: Do you want to walk to school?
Ladybug:  What?  Me?  A walker?
Me: Sure.  If you want.
Ladybug:  YEAH!

She could not get out of the car fast enough. And she had the biggest grin on her face.  She turned around about a dozen times walking up to the fenced walking path, encouraging me to leave.  Finally at the top (because she had to climb a set of stairs to get to the fenced pathway) she turned, grinned, waved, and ran off to school. And then I drove to work.

When I picked her up from her after school program she couldn't wait to tell me about the entire adventure.  She was so proud of herself. 

I let her walk 100 feet to school today (remembering that at her age I walked 1.1 miles to my school).

I have promised a full review of Free-Range Kids.  It will come soon.

Mean Mama

a little lost and frustrated

Trying to figure out what is going on with Ladybug has been frustrating.  I don't know.  I am a parent.  Not an expert.  I do know this is not normal.  I do not feel like she is a lost cause.  I just know living in this current state of reality is not good for her or for me.

First let me say that we had a FABULOUS day.  She was tired.  She took a nap all on her own.  But she was great.  Loving.  Sweet.  Affectionate.  Cooperative.  We had the best grocery shopping trip ever.  Okay -- maybe not ever but in my accessible memory bank.  She answered my questions.  Responded to me.  Did run away -- she did run up and down the aisles but she stayed within eyesight.  She asked.  She didn't freak out when I said no.  She used the words "please" and "thank you" throughout the day without prompting.  It was a great day.

Despite all my complaining and questioning, I have felt hopeful since embracing the idea that maybe, just maybe, Ladybug is dealing with an attachment disorder.  Not that I have a clue as to what to do with it. But maybe I am heading in the right direction.  I know I still need to get her diagnosed (tested) and I need education on what to do.  But I at least I am seeing a possible light at the end of the tunnel instead of wondering where the damn tunnel is.

But (oh come on, you knew there was a "but" coming) this week I have had 2 conversations that seem to be trying to put me back in the dark.  Let me just say that I have respect for both these women and I love them dearly.  But the conversations were hard.

My step mom is a neuropsychologist.  So I went to her and asked about Ladybug.  I mean this is what she does -- testing and diagnosis.  She immediately told me that Ladybug does not have an attachment disorder.  She told me that Ladybug does have Sensory Processing Disorder (which she has been diagnosed with) and possibly is ADHD.  But there is no way that she has an attachment disorder.  And I felt deflated.  And then I remembered in my reading that a lot of attachment kids are diagnosed SPD and ADHD and the attachment is missed initially.  But I have a professional telling me that I am barking up the wrong tree.

Then today I called my mom.  She is a nurse with a psychology background.  I told her about some of the incidents these last few weeks and how I handled them.  She really came down on me.  She told me I can't "diagnose" Ladybug.  I haven't.  But she said that I am acting like I have.  That because I have started using some of the methods of dealing with attachment issues I have diagnosed her.  And that without a diagnosis I should not do that.  I got a little testy.  What I know is that what I had been doing was not working.  Maybe she doesn't have an attachment issue.  But if the methods help her be successful at school and at home why can't I use it?

So I am feeling like someone is trying to take my tunnel away -- and I want my tunnel.

Mean Mama

attachment?

Ladybug has had a friend over for an over night today. Ladybug has been giving me all kinds of dirty looks and pouting all day. She has been disrespectful and I haven't had the heart to deal with it. So of course it just kept getting worse. But at dinner she looked like she was about to hit me because I agreed that the plate of chicken nuggets was B's. Two identical plates. But she was going to fight over it.

So I sent her to her room. She started throwing toys down the stairs. I started throwing the toys away. I went upstairs within a few minutes of sending her up and crawled in bed with her. I held her tight to my body. And the fighting really started. She kicked. She cried. She screamed. She fought so hard she was sweating. She sounded like I was killing her. And then she did the only thing she could think to do to get me to let her go and get out of the bed.

She puked all over her bed.

It worked. I got out of her bed. And I took her to my bed. And we started all over. Finally Ladybug stopped fighting and just sobbed and hung on to me.

When she was calm I asked her what she was scared about.
NOTHING
I asked what she was afraid of.
NOTHING
I asked why she was mad.
She said because I was making her miss the movie (she had been watching a movie when this all started).
That made me laugh.

Finally I told her that I thought she was scared. She asked what I thought she was scared of. I told her that I thought she was scared that if I was nice to B that it would mean that I loved B more then her.

And then she cried so hard that she could not catch her breath.

Hoping the rest of the visit is better. 

 

Mean Mama

on the lighter side

I got up this morning and felt... well, tired.  Just a little. Nothing too bad.  I sat on the edge of my bed for a few minutes and wondered where the pain was.  I mean, I had a date with Bob and Jillian last night, I should be in terrible pain.  I felt... nothing.  I was fine.

Good.  Maybe I am in better shape then I thought.  LOL

I went to work.  Up an down from the chair.  In and out of the car -- but that is another post.  Walking around Target.  I was fine.  My new challenge is going to be a piece of cake.

After dinner I sat down to my nightly computer time.  Eventually I realized that I was chilled and the only way I was going to get warm (despite the heat being on a ridiculously high level) was to take a shower.  I stood up. And ... nothing.

Nothing.  I couldn't move.  I did not have the muscle power to move my legs.  Or stand up straight.  Yep, I looked the the old female version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I finally managed to hobble my way up to the shower.  I finally managed to get undressed -- not easy to take socks off without bending over.  I finally got in the shower. 

I don't think I will be having a date with Bob and Jillian tonight.

Mean Mama

My newest challenge

Now that I have finished yet another round of phase to of my starvation I can start exercising.  I am not allowed to exercise during phase 2.  I am allowed in phase 3. 

For Christmas I got a Wii.  Just the basic system.  And it game with 2 discs of games.  I have been slow to try it out.  Ladybug, on the other hand, loves it.  She loves to play "swordplay" where she gets to beat the crap out of people.  And she is scarily good at it.  She also likes "island flyover" where she gets to fly a plane.  Actually to be realistic she likes to do acrobatics in the air and then crash into the water.  It literally makes me sick and I want to throw up watching her play it.

So on Tuesday night, as I watched Biggest Loser, I decided I needed to get the Biggest Loser Challenge game for Wii.  And, unlike me, I went out and bought it on Wednesday.  I never make those kinds of snap purchases.  But, hey, I need something else to help me with my weight loss (or lack there of).  Last night I tried it out.  I created a profile.  And did the initial fitness tests.  Apparently the game believes that I can handle moderate exercise but I think it told me I have the health of a 78 year old.  That can't be good.

So my challenge is to do 1/2 hour every night.  For 3 weeks.  Which meant that today was day 1.  I did it.  Mostly.  Somewhere around minute 24 I wanted to throw up.  And I thought -- I have seen this on biggest loser.  I am on Biggest Loser.   I live in the land of delusion.  But I powered through. 

There were 2 problems. 

Problem 1:  On Tuesday I complained to a friend that I would not like the new "unknown" trainers on the show because they seem to focus on boxing as an exercise.  I don't like boxing.   Really.  I like running.  I like the elliptical.  I do not like boxing.  It may be great exercise but I don't like it.  And this disc made me do a lot of boxing type exercises.  I also discovered that I apparently am not coordinated to do boxing.

Problem 2: They made me (or at least tried to make me) get down on my knees for several exercises.  First, knees are not meant to carry my weight.  Even on a rug on a carpet my knees can not handle it.  Second, I blew out one of my knees a number of years ago and it just never really healed.  I can not get on my knees.  I did one round.  I could not do a second round.  Jillian yelled at me.  Told me not to phone it in.  But I have limitations.

Note to self:  Yes it is a video game.  But it will work me -- if I don't cheat -- so I need to change out of my work clothes (yes, I did 30 minutes of exercises with Bob and Jillian in my skirt and nice shirt).  And I will sweat, so I need to remember to put my hair up in a ponytail.  I have a feeling I will be feeling this tomorrow.

Oh, one more note to self -- remember to save the game before turning it off.  I am not doing a second round just to have proof.  I neglected this today.  So you are just going to have to trust me that I did it.

Mean Mama