Change in hair

Ladybug has been begging for straight hair.  It is not going to happen.  But I decided to make a new attempt at her hair.  I have been very neglectful of her hair lately.  She has had chunky twists for about 3 weeks.  I love chunky twists.  Easy in and easy out.  But 3 weeks of chunky twists makes me look like a neglectful mom.

Last night I took the twists out.  Beads came out and the 2 strands of the twists were separated.  So this is what we started with this morning.

I had to do some serious moisturizing.  I slathered in a conditioner last night and let her sleep with it in.  And yet it did not revive the shine and luster.

So this morning I began separating the twists.  And we ended up with this.

Looks like a tangled mess.  And it pretty much is.  I slathered in more conditioner.  Lots more.  And let it sit for about 30 minutes.  And then we headed up to wash the hair.

She hates having her hair washed.  She thinks I am crazy when I tell her I love having the hairdresser wash my hair.  But a good shampoo and conditioning and her hair is revived.  All those lovely curls she hates.

And then came the chore of combing it out.  Which she whined a little about.  But overall did okay.  She has a lot of hair with many different types of hair.  There is far more kink in the hair on the top of head then in other places.  So I have to change strategies when working my way around her head.

Then the plan was to put in 3 large cornrows.  This would allow the hair to dry and stretch out.  But she was very (and I mean VERY) uncooperative during this process.  Three LARGE cornrows.  Screaming.  Crying.  Name calling.  Wiggling.  Slouching.  And it turned out to be the ugliest 3 cornrows because I couldn't handle the screaming.  And I am not exaggerating when I say ugly.

And yes, I let her go out in public looking like that.  If she can not be cooperative in this process then she gets what she gets. 

But then she allowed me to start on the actual hairstyle later in the day.  It did take some coaxing but she was cooperative.  She did whine but not nearly as bad as earlier in the day.  We are going tiny twists.  Lots.  No beads.  A more grown up look.  I am hoping it will last.  And give me some versatility.  Maybe we can do a ponytail.  Or pulling some back in a barrette.  Or something.

We have done about 1/4-1/3 of her head today.  And they are looking cute.  We have a lot to do tomorrow.  And it may not get all done before school on Monday.  So I will have to figure it out so she can be pretty for school.  But this is what we have so far.

I can't wait to be done.  I am still hopeful that they  will look good.

Mean Mama

some neighbors are not so neighborly

I walked Ladybug down the street today.  Same complex.  To see if she could play with her classmate.  Her classmate is a sweet little girl, who never gets in trouble.  So I want her to spend more time with the classmate.  Besides, her mom actually watches her children.  Through the mom's broken English and my broken Spanish we managed to have a brief conversation that ended with Ladybug staying at her house for a playdate.

As I was walking home I was thinking that I really should have gone further in my 4.5  years of Spanish.  Or maybe I should have tried harder when I lived in a town where 80% of the population spoke Spanish as a first language. 

I was also looking around at the kids running every where.  Normally they won't let Ladybug play with them.  They are mean.  I know, Ladybug is a bully.  But they collectively come up  with rules.  Like last week they said anybody under the age of 7 was too young to play the game.  And Ladybug was the only kid who was younger than 7 so she sat on the sidelines and watched.  So as I was walking back after dumping my child I was happy so wasn't going to be subjected to that today. 

And then I saw a neighbor walk across the parking lot with her two children (about 10 and 13 years old).  She walked up to another woman and her husband and they started speaking.  It quickly escalated.  The woman with the Husband yelling at the mom with the kids that the kids can not come over and hit her kids.  And the woman with the kids was yelling at the woman with the kids that they were kids and could not be controlled.  And the the woman with the Husband went back in her apartment.  And the woman with the kids ranting around the parking lot -- with her kids.

They are all losers.
Even the parents are losers.
This is why you shouldn't be allowed to play with losers.
You are losers (looking at the kids).

And then she switched to a language I don't know.

I kept walking and went into my apartment.  But now there is a police car parked in front of the woman's apartment.  And I am dying to know more.  But I have not made friend's with these people yet -- anti-social introvert that I am.

Mean Mama

scary moments

Sometimes we have to react.  Not think.  Not analyze.  Act.  It is necessary.  For safety.

Last night we were out doing things.  As we left the store we discovered it was raining.  Just a little.  Misting.  And my little sweet girl must be made of sugar because she refused to step out in the rain.  I could of tried to convince her to walk to the car.  But I didn't.  I just started walking.  I knew eventually she would follow.  And she did.

As I was walking toward our car -- like a normal parent -- I was aware of what was going on around me.  I saw the back up lights on the SUV parked next to my car.  Between me and my car.  I saw the brake lights.  I knew the SUV was on.  I knew we had no way of predicting when those brake lights would go off and he would be backing up.

I heard her come running up behind me, screaming.  I didn't want to panic her.  So, while keeping an eye on the SUV, I reached out to grab her as she ran by me.  Only she ran around me on the other side when she saw my arm shoot out to get her.  I didn't grab her.  I yelled.

Stop.

Stop!

STOP!.

Only she was screaming and running and not listening.   And she is about 2 feet from the SUV, going full speed toward it.

The brake lights went off.

And I screamed.  NOOOOOOOOOO!.

She stopped.  He stopped (despite the rain, the music, the windows up, the engine, and being on the cell phone he heard me).

I grabbed her and pulled her back.

Her only concern was getting out of the rain.

Mean Mama

The price for averting crisis

I ... we... had a good weekend.  There were many averted crises.  We did well.  And then today I paid the price.  Okay... she did too.  But I am feeling sorry for myself at the moment.

Today was library day so she needed to get her library book to turn in.  But she didn't know where it was.  So she sat down and gave up.  Which set me off.  Don't stop.  Keep trying.  Look.  Find it.  We tore about the house.  I tore apart her room.  Let me define "tore apart" (and keep in mind this picture was taken after I put the books away)

We didn't find the book.  So I reminded her to ask the teacher what book she has checked out -- because she couldn't even remember that.  This all made me think that she has too much stuff.  She has stuff she doesn't even remember having.  I am not a pack rat.  In comparison here is my bedroom.

See.  No mess.  No extra stuff.  And this is when I should probably mention that half my stuff is in storage still hoping to move.

So I told Ladybug that we were going to clean out her stuff.  If she has so much stuff that she can't find what she needs then she has too much stuff.  And that is when the meltdown began.  Tears and drama.  She needs to keep everything or she won't have her memories.  What??  She loves all her stuff.  And I think she meant "love" like she means it towards people.

By this time we were running late so I dropped her off at school.  And SHOCKING...she had a bad day.  So bad that the teacher emailed me.  Love that.  She...

wouldn't follow directions
didn't listen to the teacher
refused to do the work
scratched a kid with a fork
yelled at the student teacher that she hates her
yelled that she hates school and is never returning
and threatened to punch a kid
lost her homework

And did I mention she has caught another head cold.  And tomorrow she has her physical.  Please don't let there be any shots this year.

Mean Mama

Do you believe?

As we were heading out today, Ladybug was all worried about what if she lost her tooth today.  She has lost many teeth but she has a new one about ready to come out.  She wanted to make sure not to lose the tooth because she wanted the tooth fairy to come.  And then I got worried.  I am out of the dollar coins...what if she lost the tooth??

So I told her that maybe the tooth fairy was on vacation.  But she wasn't buying that.  She informed me that the tooth fairy uses all the teeth to make swings.  I was afraid to ask more details about that statement.  And then she said...

Ladybug:  Mama, I have a question.
Mama: Yes?
Ladybug: And I need the truth from you.
Mama: (laughing) Okay.
Ladybug:  Is the tooth fairy real?
Mama: (Oh geez!)  What do you think? (when all else fails -- like my brain -- throw it back at the child)
Ladybug: Mom!  I want the truth!
Mama:  I understand.  Do you think she is real?
Ladybug: Well the older kids tell me that you take the teeth and throw them away and leave me money.
Mama: Why would I take your teeth? (Which I do...but just to gross you out -- I don't throw them away)
Ladybug: I want the truth from you.
Mama: Well do you believe she is real?
Ladybug:  I am not sure.  But I think she might be.
Mama: Okay.

I know she won't believe in these things (Easter Bunny, Santa, tooth fairy, etc) forever.  I don't even see a definite reason for her to believe in these things.  But I enjoy the make believe.  And I am not sure I am willing to give it up yet.

Mean Mama

sometimes we have success

I know I complain a lot.  So I thought I would tell you of 2 (Yes! 2) success we had today.

When I finally got myself motivated today to get the day going (which was well after noon) I started out with a shower.  I told Ladybug that while I was showering I expected her to clean up the living room.  Before you think that I am a mean mama (despite having that name), please understand that the room was a disaster because she made it that way.  It was her hair bows, her barbies, her art work, her school work, her dirty clothes, her toys. 

I was in the shower for about 30 seconds -- and enjoying the fact that I did not have to hold on the shower walls to prevent myself from falling over -- when she came up and told me it was clean.  Yeah.  RIGHT!  I don't believe it for a second.  But I am in the shower... what was I really going to do about it?  When I got out I went to her room -- where she had taken up residence to play with her barn and animals -- and told her that when I got dressed I planned on going downstairs and throwing away everything still in the living room.  She looked at me with wide eyed innocence and said, "Fine."

It made me think.  Did she clean the living room?  I check one more time.  But I got a, "It's clean Mom."  So I got dressed and went downstairs.  And instead of freaking out, I just grabbed a trash bag and started filling it.  I warned her.  I checked in with her.  I told her what I was going to do.  Time to follow through.  When the bag was full, (yes, full) she came downstairs.  And she asked what was in the bag.  So I told her.  And she freaked out.  She started throwing things out of the bag.  And then she stomped upstairs.  So I put everything back in the bag.  Barbies...clothes...books...art work... shoes... her computer... 

The stuff went in the bag several times, and was thrown out of the bag several times before I asked a very angry Ladybug to come sit with me.  I sat her on the couch and I pulled up a chair to face her.  I took both of her hands in mine and I asked her if she was mad at me.  Which of course illicited a look that not only told me that she thought I was stupid but also let me know she was very angry.  But I refused to take her "looks" as an answer.  So I asked again.  And she unhappily answered.  I asked why.  She said because I was throwing her things away.  So I reviewed this with her.

Mama:  Ok you are mad because I threw your things away?
Ladybug: Um...Yeah.
Mama:  Ok.  So before I took a shower did I ask you to clean the living room?
Ladybug: Yeah.
Mama: After my shower did I ask you if the living room was clean?
Ladybug: Yeah.
Mama: Did I tell you I was going to throw away all things still on the living room.
Ladybug:  Yeah.
Mama:  Did you tell me that was okay?
Ladybug: Yeah.
Mama: Okay so let me get this straight... You told me the living room was clean and I could throw away everything.  I trusted you.  I threw away everything.  And you are mad at me?
Ladybug: Well?
Mama:  You told me something... I trusted you... and you are mad at me?
Ladybug: Well... (giggles)

So I repeated this several times with a very perplexed look on my face before she finally fell over laughing at how stupid I sounded.  Crisis averted.

Then it was time for us to get out of the house.  We needed to go to the local book store to get my father a birthday present.  The plan was to get him a jazz CD.  I know it seems a little odd to go to a book store for music but it works for us. Before going I sat down Ladybug and told her that we are going to get a CD for my dad.  I was not buying anything else.  I was not buying her a book.  She said she understood.  Do you see the set up yet??

When we arrived I sent her off to the children's section (free range) and I headed to the music section.  Here is the problem.  My dad loves jazz.  I hate it.  And watching me pick out a jazz CD is likely comical for others and just frustrating for me.  So I gave up quickly and decided that I would just get him a gift certificate.  I cheat.  So I headed to the children's section and found Ladybug.  I sat with her and read several books.  And then the "Can I just get one book?" started.  I said no several times.  I read but she started whining.  I told her that we needed to go since she was having a hard time with hearing the no.  We headed to the registers.  Or more accurately...I headed to the registers.  She lallygagged (fun word) behind me.  She refused to stay up with me so I guided her kind of like a herded corralling the defiant sheep.  She touched everything.  I tried to block every grab.  Finally we made it to the line.

And the attitude started.  "I am not going to stand next to you.  Don't touch me.  I don't have to listen to you."  I put my hands on her shoulders and made her stand in front of me.  The couple in front of us -- the young couple that likely wasn't married and definitely did not have kids yet -- became uncomfortable.  The slowly inched as close the the person in front of them in line in an attempt to put as much space between them and us.  I told her I was not letting her go.  I told her to calm down.  I kept my cool.  I told her if she didn't calm down we were going to have to leave without getting the gift card and she could tell my dad why he didn't get a birthday present (I didn't tell her that it is already past his birthday). 

Finally she whined (less attitude) for me to let go.  I opted to switch from holding her shoulders to holding one wrist.  I have perfected the art of holding her wrist in a way that she can't get out (no matter how she struggles) and yet I am hardly touching her at all.  Then I asked her if she wanted to pick out which gift card to get.  She picked one with Wild Thing on it.  Fitting.  For both her and my dad. 

And then her attitude changed instantly.  Sweet.  Helpful.  Loving.  So much so that we made it through the book store and the grocery store without further incident.

...Until she spilled orange soda all over my cream carpet.  But I kept my cool through that too.

Mean Mama

The dreaded weight update

I resisted a weight update in my last new years resolution update.  Which, of course, can only mean that I had bad news.  And...I did.

So let me back up.  February was a hard month.  I was not dieting for the month.  It was my month off.  I started the month at 269.8.  Just under that 270 mark.  And then in February Ladybug got sick.  Nothing serious.  Just a head cold.  And only for about 2 days.  But it was just long enough for her to share it with me.  And while she was sick for 2 days -- I was closer to the 10 day mark.  Head cold.  Couldn't breathe.  Lots of coughing.  Feeling generally crappy.  I even went to the doctor and she told me... I wasn't sick.  No sinus problems.  No chest issues.  No flu.  I was so healthy, in fact, that she gave me a flu shot.  But I started to feel better -- miraculously right after I visited the doctor.  But then Ladybug got sick.  And I took her to the doctor.  And he said...she wasn't sick.  Yep.  Two miserable people who weren't really sick.  And lots of doctor bills to prove we actually are just hypochondriacs.

This is all said because one of my goals for the month of February was to work out with Bob and Jillian with the Wii Biggest Loser every day for 21 days.  I did the first day.  Which just about killed me.  I did day 2 which I thought was really going to kill me.  And I haven't turned the Wii on since.  Definitely did not meet that goal.  And then on top of not exercising I was eating like a sumo wrestler.  I am an emotional eater and Ladybug and I were having issues.

So I started my last round of starvation dieting at.... OMG I so don't want to say this... 282.8.  Oh yes, I am successful when it comes to gaining weight.  SHOCKING!  But I jumped on that diet bandwagon and was perfect.  I mean perfect.  I did not cheat.  I was hungry.  And I fantasized about food.  But I was going to be successful.  I was going to get skinny (skinnier).  And at week one I was down to 276.4.  6.4 pounds in one week.  Who could not be happy about that.  Well, I was hoping for 10 but I was thrilled with 6.4.  And then on day one of week 2 I got sick.

There seems to be a lot of that for me this year.

But this was not a head cold.  I woke up...rolled over...blacked out from dizziness.  Really??  How do I black out while laying down.  I was out for just a few seconds and then woke up feeling like I was going to puke.  I spent all day convinced I had food poisoning.  Tummy issues, nausea, dizziness.  I had salmonella once and this felt a lot like that.  On the one hand I could not afford food poisoning.  I mean I was in bed for 3 weeks last time this happened.  But on the positive side -- I lost about 30 pounds when I had it.  But I have a child... and a job... and a lot of bills.  I can not have food poisoning.  And I didn't.

It turned out that I just have some inner ear infection.  It makes me really dizzy.  I had the bed spins so bad last night that I seriously almost puked.  I spent a couple of days needing to hang on to a wall just to walk.  I made it to work.  I even managed to get a little work done.  It is not fun to go through a day feeling like your head is about 4 feet above your shoulders.  It made me feel like I was on a roller coaster -- and I hate roller coasters.

So I decided that there was no way I was going to be able to make it through the week hungry and dizzy.  Both require my complete concentration.  I couldn't deal with both at the same time.  So I stopped dieting on day 2 of week 2.  Now that I have made it through the dizzy week and most of the symptoms have lessened, I have decided it is time to get back on the starvation wagon.  So on Monday I start the diet again.

The goal:  3 weeks from Monday I will be in the 250s.  Please!

Mean Mama

kindergarten homework

I am too depressed at what a failure I obviously am as a parent to talk about anything real that is going on in my life so instead I am going to write about how ridiculous I think the schools are.

She spends all day in school.  I drop her off at 8:45am and she goes off to her after school program at 3:45pm.  All day.   Homework started in October.  It was only about 5-10 minutes worth of homework each day so I tried not to complain.  I mean she is there all day... could they not find 5-10 minutes to do this last little thing with them?  But I did it with her.  I worked all day.  I picked her up.  I tried to catch up what had happened for her that day.  I cleaned up the kitchen (lunch and snack stuff).  I cooked dinner.  We ate dinner.  I did homework with her.  And then it was basically time for bedtime routines.  I would have loved that 10 minutes for something other than drilling my child.  Especially late in the day when she is tried and cranky and just done with the learning ideas.

But then homework started to increase.  Now they want more out of her.  And that means they want more out of me.  I get the importance of school.  I believe in education.  I want her to learn.  But this is also kindergarten.  Shouldn't she be learning how to color in the lines still?

So homework came home on Thursday night.  First we had a blow out (which luckily lasted less than an hour) so we had even less time for all the evening requirements.  By the time we sat down for homework she was in a good mood and I was spent.  On top of her normal homework (which has increased since October - including writing 3 sentences about a picture, writing a page in a journal about the stuffed frog that gets passed around the class, and practicing for a spelling test on Friday), she had to read an 8 page book and answer 4 questions about it.  A part of me was proud that she has moved up to level 3-4 in reading.  A part of me was pissed that my 6 year is expected to write this much for homework.

We read the book.  And we worked on answering the questions.  Keep in mind that her teacher is allowing homework to be done phonetically -- which is good.

The book was On The Go -- which is all about different modes of transportation.

1.  Who are the characters?  The pepl.

2.What is the setting?  When did the story happen?  Oat sid arond the world.

3. What are 3 or more things that happened? They rod.  They flu.  They swing.

4.  What does this story make you think about?  Wan we wint to grindmas.

Done.  Happy.  I help her.  I sit with her.  I encourage her.  I do not do her homework for her.  Not that my spelling would have been much better.  She turned it in.  The teacher sent it back home yesterday with a note on it.  Good job.  Please tell more details.

She is insane if she thinks I am going to do this homework with her again.  More details?  The damn book is only 8 pages long.  With one sentence on each page.  How much more detail does she want?  Either way she is going to be disappointed because I am not making Ladybug provide more detail.  I am not even telling Ladybug she wants more detail.

Mean Mama

Random thoughts

I have plenty of serious things to think about but no desire to do so...

So as I was driving home I was faced with a couple of situations that just made me go ...mmmmmmm

I stopped for gas.  I was pumping the gas.  I looked at the pump next to me and there was a guy filling his scooter.  Yes scooter.  Not a motorcycle.  A scooter.  He was a scruffy, hiking the Appalachian Trail type of guy.  But what caught my eye was what he was wearing.  Hiking boots -- I told you he looked like a hiker.  Shorts and long johns.  Shorts.  And long johns.  ????  mmmmmm.

And then I continued on my drive.  I got behind a car -- no idea if it was a man or a woman.  A normal sedan.  We got stopped at 4 lights.  Each time the driver would stop, leaving about 3-4 car lengths between her/him and the car in front of her/him. I don't really understand this.  But whatever.  But as soon as the light turned green he/she would start going and stay right on the tail of the car in front of him/her.  So while you are stopped you need a buffer of 3-4 car lengths but while you are driving along at about 45 miles per hour, 6 inches is enough of a buffer zone.  ????  mmmmmmm.

After I left the driver mentioned above I got stuck at another light -- I seemed to hit every light today.  As I waited for me turn to go.  A girl -- guessing high school -- walked across the street in front of me.  She was wearing a blue pair of short shorts and black pantyhose.  Shorts.  And black pantyhose.  ????  mmmmmmm.

But I continued on.  As I drove a woman -- yes, this time I knew it was a woman -- driving a mini van is behind me.  She is obviously frustrated at my driving -- because I am only going 10 miles over the speed limit.  Yes, I said OVER.  As we cross over and intersection she decides to pass me (double lanes so no danger).  She zips by me.  She pulls in front of me.  She puts on her brakes.  She slows down.  And makes a right hand turn at the very next intersection.  ?????  mmmmmm.

A few more lights go by and I get stopped at another red light.  I told you I hit every one going home tonight.  I look over at the car next to me.  It is a van.  A plumbing type work van.  And sitting in the front passenger seat was a toddler.  In a car seat.  About 2 years old.  A toddler.  In the front seat.  In a work van.  ????  mmmmmm.

Mean Mama

change of plans

I had another post planned for tonight -- yes trying to be better about blogging.  But I had the night from hell.  I fought.  With Ladybug.  I tried to stay calm.  And I did.  Except for the last 30 seconds.

It started with attitude.  Hates homework.  Hates helping.  Hates -- well, everything.
She refused to help out.  She wouldn't clean the living room -- it is all her junk.  She wouldn't look for her lost thermos.  She wouldn't pack her homework.  She wouldn't...
I gave her so many chances.  I used bribery.  I joked.  I promised her M&ms.  I promised her Idol.  I gave her one final time and finally I gave up and took Idol from her.  I can only give so many second chances before I need to follow through.

It all went down hill from there.

She refused to shower.  I had to actually undress her and put her in the shower.  While she showered she yelled at me how much she hated me.

After the shower it was more negative comments about helping out around the house.  How she shouldn't have to do anything she doesn't like.  And then she informed me that she peed in my bed last night.


She slathered herself in so much lotion she was actually white.  I use Carol's Daughter -- that stuff ain't cheap.

I tried to talk to her.   Don't go to bed mad?  More attitude.  More disrespect.  I am stupid... and mean... and hateful... nobody likes me.

I took her kitty and left the room.  I told her I would be back in a few minutes to try again.  I left.  Took a few deep breathes.  And went back.

She refused to talk.  Just demanding.  GET OUT!  LEAVE ME ALONE! GO AWAY!  She is demanding.


I took her doggy pillow pet.  I left the room.  I told her I would be back in a few minutes.

When I returned there was more of the same.  I decided to crawl in bed with her.  I decided to see if she would relax or calm down or something if we were physically close -- it has worked in the past.


So she started hitting me.  I restrained her - or tried to.  She bit me.  She kicked the wall.  She head butted me.  She scratched me.  She tried to puke on me - and I was surprised she couldn't (great gag reflex).

This started at 7pm.  By 7:40 we were physically fighting - see I gave her 40 minutes of reasoning to try to work this out.  By 8:50 I walked out.  I wasn't getting anywhere.  I had no more ideas.  I was done. I gave up.


She ended up losing all her stuffed animals.  So she threatened to destroy her room if I didn't give them back.  I didn't give them back.  So she started ripping her bed apart.  I put her on the floor with just a pillow and sheet.

The things she yelled at me since leaving her room included that she hates me, nobody loves me, I am dumb,  and stupid, I am the meanest person ever, she doesn't want to be a part of my family, and since nobody else loves me I should be the one to leave the family.

And the after all that I finally lost it.  I screamed at her.  I asked her what she wanted.  How did she want me to react to all this?  Her response?  I want American Idol.

She was finally done at about 9:15pm.

I am lost.

Mean Mama