I hate mornings!

I have never ever ever been a morning person.  I think getting up before 10 am is obscene.  I think there is no reason for it.

My employer feels differently.  Ladybug's school feels differently.  So I must control my natural instincts.  I must not get cranky.

Ladybug is doing everything she can to make mornings miserable for me.  She wakes me before the alarm goes off -- and my alarm goes off at 6am.  She must interrupt my shower several times to make sure her clothes match. 

Then she spends a ton of time packing things she doesn't need for the day into her backpack... photos, books, toys, money, etc.  This requires me to unpack her bag.  Which causes us to fight about what should be allowed to go to school.

Then she remembers she needs socks and shoes... which are upstairs.  So she heads back up.

Meanwhile I up dressed... making her lunch... making my lunch... packing my bags.  And yelling at her to come take care of her shit.  Okay -- I don't use the word "shit" -- but I want to.

Then she tells me to stop yelling at her.  But she is not doing what she needs to.  She is not making or eating her breakfast.  She is not finding her jacket.  She is not brushing her teeth.  She is not cleaning her face.  She is not packing her bag with the things she actually needs to have for school.

So I lost it with her on Thursday morning.  She yelled at me to stop telling her to do her things.  I told her I would love to but since she wasn't taking care of her stuff -- what choice did I have?  She made herself breakfast -- 3 cheerios in a bowl full of milk.  She spilled more that 3 cheerios on the floor. 

And then I came up with a plan.  One that would motivate her.  She needed to have a good morning.  She had to take care of her stuff.  She had to stay positive.  She had to not yell at me.  Or she loses the TV for a week. 

NOOOOOOO!  Tears.  Wailing.  But then I reminded her it was in her control.  She wanted her TV -- take care of her stuff (since she had just finished telling me that she knows what she needs to do int he morning).  If she refuses -- no TV.

This morning was a great morning!

Mean Mama

But I took Spanish

I took Spanish in high school.  I took Spanish is college.  I did not take French.

But today I went to my satellite office.  It is about 40 minutes north of my home.  And about 3 miles from the Canadian border.  I have been told to turn off my personal cell phone when up there because it might be bounced off a Canadian tower and I will be charged for an international call.

As I drove up today I scanned the radio looking for musical entertainment.  At least 50% of the stations were in French.  Maybe more.

Yep.  Life has changed.

Mean Mama

Monthly update

I tried to post this earlier in the month.  Internet sucked.  Wouldn't post.  So posting now without editing.

1.  Lose weight.  Last year I set a goal and failed.   This year I am going to not set a number and just hope it is less than what I started at. This includes good eating habits and exercising.  Who cares what I lost.  I loved.  900 miles.  I changed jobs.  I changed homes.  Ladybug changed schools.  Ladybug changed after school programs.  Who cares if I lost weight.
2.  Read at least 1 book a month.  I liked this one from last year and have decided to keep it.  Nope.  Not reading.  Not doing anything fun.  I moved 900 miles.
3.  Get at least 8 hours of sleep at least 4 times per week.  I liked this one from last year and I think it is wise that I keep it this year. My new job requires me to be at work at 7:45am.  Are you kidding????  I go to bed before the sun these days.
4.  Blog at least 12 times per month.  I am lowering the number but keeping the goal.  Failure.  And I don't care.  Have I mentioned that I moved 900 miles?
5.  Refinish the new kitchen table.  Really.  Yeah.  Whatever.  Not April.  Not May.  Check back at the end of summer.
6.  Start a 529 account.  HAHAHAHAH! Dang!  I need a new bank account these days.
7.  Start a savings account. HAHAHAHAHA! See above.
8.  Eat out no more then 2 times per month.  I think it is important to keep this one from last year.  FAIL!  But I was moving 900 miles.
9.  Learn how to use the video feature of the camera and learn how to use Photoshop.  Nope
10. Pay all bills on time. I think this is an important one to keep.  Bills??? 
11. Make a decision about going to graduate school.  If going then start the process of making it happen.  Not going to grad school this year.  Will re-evaluate next year.
12.  The secret.  Not ready to say it out loud but need to make a decision and make it happen.  See above.



Mean Mama

Her adjustment

I feared how Ladybug would adjust.  Change is not her friend.  I talked to her.  I prepared her.  I begged her. 

We arrived in town on Wednesday and unpacked the truck.  My parents stuck around and helped me unpack boxes for a few hours.

Thursday we traveled the town (small as it is) looking for an after school program.  When Ladybug first came home and I was looking for daycare I researched over 300 centers (300 centers in my old home town).  When I researched in my new home town I researched 5.  Yes 5.  Only 5.  Not because I was tired.  But because that is all there was.  And out of the 5 there was only one option that I was willing to consider.  Short day.  Then I registered her for school.

Friday she started school.  And then we went to the after school program together.  She liked school.  She liked after school.  Life was good.

The weekend was flipping freezing so we stayed home and I unpacked more.

Monday she was off to school again.  And I started my job.  I picked her up from the after school program.  Miserable day.  She hated school.  She hated the after school program.  She hated our new state.  She wanted to go back.  I begged.  I promised.   I told her we had no choice.  Sink or swim... I sinking was not a really good option.

Tuesday got better.  Wednesday got a little better.  Thursday was even better. 

I think we have adjusted.  I think we can make this work.  I am having a hard time that she has no behavioral plan at school so I don't have daily contact with the teacher.  I!  I guess I need to let go.  And hope that they get in touch with me before things get bad. 

She has adjusted.  Me??  Well that is another blog post.

Mean Mama

I'm back!

Oh my!  I can't even tell you how happy I am.  I have internet! 

My vacation has not been my fault.  I tried to blog.  But my internet was would not allow it.  Mostly because it was not mine.

I arrived at my new home and then I tried to set up internet.  Problem was I didn't have internet -- so I didn't know who the providers were in the area.  But then I started my job and my supervisor asked me what she could do to help.  I told her I needed internet.  Really.  I had my priorities straight.

Actually I could get on but then I would get kicked off.  And then I would get on and I would get kicked off.

So she found me 3 possibilities.  And I perked up.  And I called.

I called the first place.  They told me they don't service my area of town.  What?  This town only has about 7500 people.  And I live in the middle of town.  What part do they service?  But the don't.  Where did I move to?

I called the second place... and the conversation went something like this....

Me: I would like to set up internet service at my home.  Do you service my area?
Idiot: Well can you get on the internet now?
Me: You mean right now?
Idiot: Yes.
Me: Well, I can but only because one of my neighbors apparently doesn't believe in securing his wireless.
Idiot: So why buy it?  Just use his.
Me: I am willing to pay for this service.  I would like to have my own internet.
Idiot:  Why pay for it if you can get it for free?
Me: I would like my own.  Do you service my area?
Idiot: I don't understand why you want to pay for something you can get for free.
Me: Thank you. (And I hung up)

And then I called the third place.  They serviced the area.  They were reasonably priced (not that it matter at this point) and they could get e set up in about 3 days. Yipppppeeeeeeeee!

But then I told my landlord.  He didn't want me using that company.  I won't go into the reasonings but I will say that I cancelled the installation -- not happily.  But at least he found me a fourth option.

So I called the 4th place.  They serviced my area.  They were reasonably priced.  But it would take them 10-15 days before installation could happen.  WAAAHHHHHHHH!

But I waited.  They mailed the modem.  I opened it this morning.  I looked at it.  Something seemed off.  And then it dawned on me.  It wasn't wireless.  What?  What it is the point of having a laptop without wireless capabilities?  And then the internet provider called me today.  They told me I was installed and I should be able to access the internet.  I asked about the modem. 

Them: No it is not a wireless modem.
Me: Um... but... I want wireless access.
Them: Ok?
Me: So can I get a modem with wireless capabilities?
Them: Oh.  No.  If you want wireless you need to go buy a router.

A what?  A router?  Buy?  Do they know where I live?  Flipping Siberia!  The nearest Best Buy is 1 hour and 16 minute drive.  The nearest Staples is over 20 minutes away.  I could buy one from Amazon.com -- but I won't have access to internet until I get one.  Where else can I find a wireless router?

Radio Shack!  And there is one in town!  No Walmart.  No Target.  But there is a Radio Shack. 

I think maybe Radio Shack is my new best friend now -- I have internet!

Mean Mama

The move

Sometimes it is darkest right before dawn.  That is my life right now.  I hope.

This move has been anything but easy.  In reality I should have known it would not be easy -- I don't have that kind of luck.

On Sunday morning I got a call from my new landlord.  He needed to let me know that he had finished all the plumbing in the upstairs bathroom.  That was good.  Then the plumber came out to inspect the work.  And a leak was discovered.  That was bad.  They eventually found the leak.  That was good.  It required them to rip open the dining room wall.  That was bad.  He promised to fix it.  That was good.  And even replace the wall now missing wallpaper because he has some upstairs in the attic. That is bad -- I hate wall paper.

Then on Sunday evening I got a call from U-haul.  I missed the call because I was packing.  Shocker!  But a message was left.  They were calling to let me know that the 17 foot truck I had reserved never arrived at the store.  It was not available.  Panic!  But they did have a 20 foot truck for me.  Breathe!  Which turned out to be a good thing because there would not have been an extra inch of room in the 17 footer when packed.

My friend, her husband, my dad, and my step mom came to help unpack the truck. It took 2 hours.  Which was good.  The boys I hired to pack it took an hour.  I fell once.  I gashed my knuckle.  Which is now infected because I could not find a band-aid.  I have a beautiful purple bruise the size of a quarter on my forearm.  And every inch of my body aches.  I am exhausted beyond belief. 

And every other minute I wonder... what have I done?  To my life?  To my child?  To my career?

And when I am not panicking, I can't wait until I have fully settled in, make friends, find a routine, and reconnect to those I love.

I just may need some serious meds to make it through this.

Mean Mama

Done

Kind of.

I have arrived.  Truck is unpacked.  Most of the boxes are unpacked.

New life has started.

This will work.

But tonight I will crawl in bed and cry a little.

Mean Mama

Random thoughts of the day

Random thing #1:

I started the day out with a plan.  I have 7 days until the moving truck is packed.  I have 7 rooms in my apartment.  One room a day and we are done. 

Monday: Ladybug's bathroom.
Tuesday: Downstairs bathroom.
Wednesday: My bedroom.
Thursday: Ladybug's bedroom.
Friday: My bathroom.
Saturday: Living room.
Sunday: Kitchen.

Easy enough.

And then I got home today with a note on my door.  Exterminator is coming through tomorrow.  Really???  But my house is a disaster.  I mean disgusting disaster.  The only thing not wrong with it is bugs. 

So Ladybug's bathroom and the downstairs bathroom are now cleaned and packed.  The dishes are done.  And I hope to fold, put away clothes, and vacuum the living room.  Fun times.  But at least I am officially a day ahead of schedule now.

But I do have to ask... how did my 4 foot tall 7 year old manage to splatter tooth paste on the wall at least 6 feet tall?  I have been spoiled with not having to share a bathroom with her.


Random thing #2:

I packed my files and papers about 2 weeks ago.  It was an easy pack.  And I threw away a bunch of things I no longer needed.  One of the things I threw away was the bill of sale for my car.  I mean -- it is paid off.  Why would I need those papers?  And then I looked threw the DMV website for my new state.  If the car was purchased less than 3 years ago (I purchased in 2010) then I must prove sales tax paid -- or the new state will charge me their sales tax.  Oh so that is why I need that bill of sale!

So I popped into the car dealership today to see if they had a copy.  I told them who I was and that I purchased a car in 2010 and I needed a copy of my bill of sale.  They copied it and handed it to me.  No ID.  No questions.  Hmmmm.  That seems wrong.  But at least I have what I need now.


Random thing #3:

Ladybug has daily behavioral contracts at school.  Her day is split into 9 sections and she gets checks or x's.  She got 1 X today.  For spilling her drink at lunch.  Really?  She accidentally spilled her drink in the cafeteria?  And this is somehow a behavioral issue?  I mean I know she spills things.  She is 7.  And it was in the cafeteria.  Blah!


Random thing #4:

I think she is freaking out about the move.  She won't admit it.  She is not "nervous".  She is not "scared".  I know because I asked.  She also told me I am scared because "adults don't get scared".  Good to know.  But she is clingy.  She holds my hand.  She wants lots of cuddle time.  She needs lots of hugs.  And that is before we even make it out of the afterschool program.

And tonight she asked for dinner.  And then was upset it was hamburgers instead of pancakes.  Say what?  She loves hamburgers.  And she hates having breakfast for dinner.  So she refused to eat.  Power struggle?  I assumed.

But then she asked if she could take "a long, hot bath".  Say what?  She hates taking a bath.  But she asking.  So who am I to deny her.  So up to her nice clean bathroom for a bath.  She stops at the toilet and pukes.  Over and over and over.  I am pretty sure she is running on empty.  Maybe it wasn't a power struggle.

Bath.  Bubbles.  Barbies.  Happy girl.  Compliant girl.  Off to bed and asleep before even asking for a story.

hmmmmm.

Okay I think that is all for tonight.  I need to make this place look a little less embarrassing.  For the exterminator.

Mean Mama

It is not really neglect

I am not really being neglectful of my blog.  I know it appears that way.  But I am not.  It is that I am living in survival mode.

I am moving.  In 9 days!  9 days!  The truck will be here and packed.  And with any luck I will be half way to my new home.

I went to my new town and found a place to live.  I swear I didn't eat for 4 days during that process.  I am an emotional eater.  When I get freaked I eat.  But I went soaring past that point to the point that food was no longer desired.  I have never turned down ice cream before but I turned it down several times. 

But I knew I would calm down once I secured a place to live.

I saw 1, 2, 3, ...8 places.  In one day.  The town I am moving to is a small town.  No apartment complexes.  All the apartments were in houses.  Some were nice.  Some were... well I would have been embarrassed to ask money from people to live there.  After 8 places thought, I was able to make a decision.  I forked over all kinds of personal information and a bunch of money and I secured the place.

And I felt so much better.

Well, not really.

The second day I went back to the town to talk with the school.  I needed to get her in school.  But I couldn't.  Because I didn't have an official address yet.  Right now, in my current town, school starts at 9:15 am.  I drop her off at 8:45 am and then I drive to work across town and start work at 9:00 am.  In the new town, school starts at 7:50 am.  I can drop her off at the school as early as 7:30 am.  Which is good because I need to be at work at 7:45 am.  Yikes!  I am not even out of bed at 7:45 most days now.

But then the panic set in again.  I need after school care.  When Ladybug first came home I researched day care centers in my town.  There were just over 300 centers in my town.  300!  I have finally found the resource in my new town.  Took several phone calls and hours online.  There are 5 day care centers (which also do after school care) in my new town.  5!  Oh yeah, life is about to change.

This week I have stolen a few minutes at work to start calling those places.  The good news is that they all have space.  The bad news is I can't get her enrolled until I am up there.  I will have 2 days between moving in and starting my new job.  I hope that is enough time.

I have arranged the packers (not of the boxes, just the truck).  I have arranged for the truck (and managed to talk them down $185 off the price). 

I need to shut off utilities.  I need to hook up utilities.  I need to register my car.  I need to get a new license.  I need new tires on my car.  I need to change car insurance information.  I need new health insurance.  I need to pack.  I need to clean.  I need to withdraw Ladybug from school.

I hired my replacement at my current job.  She starts 2 days before I quit.  So I must train her during my last 2 days.

And now I am worried.  What if I suck at my new job?

Mean Mama

late monthly update

1.  Lose weight.  Last year I set a goal and failed.   This year I am going to not set a number and just hope it is less than what I started at. This includes good eating habits and exercising.  I was down this month.  But no idea how much.  I have been traveling and just got home today.  No way am I not down.
2.  Read at least 1 book a month.  I liked this one from last year and have decided to keep it.  Big old failure.  Not even sure I read a kid's book fully this month.
3.  Get at least 8 hours of sleep at least 4 times per week.  I liked this one from last year and I think it is wise that I keep it this year. HAHAHAHAHA!  Stress is preventing me from sleeping.
4.  Blog at least 12 times per month.  I am lowering the number but keeping the goal.  Done!  But don't count on it for April.
5.  Refinish the new kitchen table.  Really.  Yeah.  Whatever.  Not March.  And don't bother checking for April either.
6.  Start a 529 account.  HAHAHAHAH!
7.  Start a savings account. HAHAHAHAHA!
8.  Eat out no more then 2 times per month.  I think it is important to keep this one from last year.  At least I was successful at this.
9.  Learn how to use the video feature of the camera and learn how to use Photoshop.  Nope
10. Pay all bills on time. I think this is an important one to keep.  Bills??? 
11. Make a decision about going to graduate school.  If going then start the process of making it happen.  Not going to grad school this year.  Will re-evaluate next year.
12.  The secret.  Not ready to say it out loud but need to make a decision and make it happen.  See above. 

Goals for last year were to find a new job and move.  I removed them for this year.  Pessimist that I am.  Got a new job.  Just rented a new apartment.  Moving in 2 weeks.  Freaking out!

Mean Mama