monthly update

I really need to have a shorter new years resolution list.

1.  Lose 123 50 pounds.  Progress!  In the wrong direction.  But feeling motivated again.
2.  Read at least 1 book a month.  At least one of them must be a self help book but not all can be self help.  The Crush by Sandra Brown.  I am really enjoying her books...even if they are romantic murder mystery trash books.
3.  Write the next great American novel a short story.  I am having a hard enough time writing the necessary legal documents I am required to write for my job.
4.  Find a new job.  Nothing!  Seriously.  Expanded my search area.  Five states.  And nothing.  Well I did contact my previous boss and asked - jokingly - if I could have my old job back and she told me that the person who replaced me is thinking of leaving.  I have no idea if it is a salary I can afford.  But i know the job.  I like the work.  I love my old boss.  It might be possible.
5.  Move.  Still on square one on this one.
6.  Buy my first home.  Again, this one has to wait until 4 & 5 are done.
7.  Pay off all credit cards FIA credit card.  I poured my entire federal tax return into this card.  And that does not pay it off.  Still working on that plan to solve this -- maybe this month.
8.  Make at least one pair of earrings a week.  Removed.
9.  Get at least 8 hours of sleep at least 4 times per week.  Working on this one.  Working... working... working.  Not so successful on this one.  But better this week.
10. Blog at least 15 times per month.  Another successful month.  At least I have one thing I am successful at.
11.  Get child enrolled in a sport. Jump rope club is over.  Summer camp starts in 2 weeks.  Pool is open for the weekends.  And I have decided that she is going to be a runner.  She is resisting that but I am working on it.
12.  Get involved with a charity. I just realized that I do this every month.  I sponsor a child.  I will write about this one later.
13.  Refinish the new kitchen table.  Haven't started yet.  But I want to.
14.  Enroll in a creative class -- writing, jewelry making, pottery...  Removed.
15.  Start a 529 account.  I will open this account in September.  Seriously.
16.  Clean the house once a month.  Did good.  But my child has decided to wreck her room every single day.  And then she is stunned when I ask her to clean it.
17.  Eat out no more then 2 times per month.  Terrible.  Truly.  Must do better.
18.  Call my friends and family more often -- rely on the internet less.  Removed -- because it is too simple.
19.  Start training for the Boston Marathon.  I know this seems out of the blue for most but it has been a long term dream of mine.  Started.  2 days ago.  Walking 1 mile every day.  With Ladybug.  Aiming for a marathon in 2012 -- or maybe 2013.  Any ideas?  I am kind of partial to the Boston but open to other ideas.
20.  Fold and put away the laundry within 24 hours of washing it each week.  Removed.  And I refuse to feel about my complete inability to do this.
21.  Buy a new camera and take more photos of Ladybug.  I took a fair number of pics this month.
22.  Pay all bills on time. I am going to count this one as a win because I paid all the bills this month -- even if not on time.
23.  Become caffeine free.  Overall good on this one.  I mean, I had some sodas but not because I was trying to pour caffeine into my body (most days).

So some success and some failure.  Check in again next month.

Mean Mama

I had a plan

It may not always seem so, but I had a plan.  For the weekend.  It was a holiday.  A long weekend.  So I had a plan. 

Saturday we were going to relax.  Then go to see Kung Fu Panda 2.  She has been waiting for it to open for months.  She loved the first one.  She wanted to see 2.

Sunday we were going to go to the beach.  This is no small thing.  It would be about a 6 hour drive to the beach I love.  But I figured we could do it.  Leave 6 am, arrive at noon, leave at 6 pm, and arrive home at midnight.  It could work.

Monday we would go to the pool and do chores.

It seemed reasonable.  It seemed possible.

Saturday: off to the movies.  Kung Fu Panda 2 was good.  And we would have enjoyed it.  Did you catch it?  We WOULD have enjoyed it.  Apparently it is not in my best interest to go to the movies so close to opening day.  It was packed.  A child on the other end of my row cried through the entire movie.  I know it was a kid's movie but if your kid is crying -- LEAVE!  The mother in front of me did not get off her smart phone.  Texts... web browsing... more texts.  The 2 boys behind me took turns kicking my chair.  Then they started throwing things in my hair.  And then they started playing with my hair.  And their mother did nothing.  But we made it through the movie and enjoyed it.

As we walked out of the movie theater I was hit by the bright lights.  Extremely bright sun.  I didn't understand it at the time but it really seemed blinding.  I could barely keep my eyes open.  I could barely see to walk to my car.  I don't remember it being this bright ever walking out of a movie theater.  By the time we reached home I knew what was happening...a migraine was on the way.  So I crawled into bed and read for a while.  While Ladybug played in her room.  Until she got bored and crawled into bed with me.  She slept.  I read.  She fell out of bed.  I scooped her up.  When she woke up, I put her in front of a movie and crawled back in bed.

My migraine broke at about 4am on Sunday.  So there was no way I was going to drive 6 hours to the beach for the day.  And apparently I had no other bright ideas for the day.  We did nothing.  NOTHING.  Well, we ended up going out for Ethiopian food and ice cream in the evening -- but otherwise nothing.

Luckily, she took it well.  Luckily, I had not even said the word "beach" to her.  So she had no idea what she was missing. 

Mean Mama

something to think about

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

If anybody

Most of the time I hear adoptive parents teaching people who are not adoptive parents about how their language needs to be changed. 

Our children are not the "lucky" ones.
They are our "real" children.
We don't like to talk about the details of their history in public.

But what I also hear those same adoptive parents saying is just as disturbing.  I have heard several parents say "If anybody serves X, Y, or Z, it is an adoptive parent."

Huh?

We are normal, everyday families but please treat us special because we adopted? 

Does not compute.

Mean Mama

How babies are born

We got in the car.  I was giving her a surprise.  I have learned not to tell her about surprises because she will blow out.  She was dressed in a pretty summer dress and white gloves up to her elbows.  Don't ask me why -- I have no idea. She wanted to take her kitty (stuffed) with her and I decided to let her.

As we buckled up we started this conversation:

Ladybug: Kitty is giving birth.
Mama: Eewwww.  Not in the car. (Maybe I shouldn't paint giving birth as a gross process)
Ladybug: Well the baby isn't coming out right now.
Mama: Okay.  So she is pregnant.
Ladybug: Which means she has to give birth.
Mama: Yes, but when the baby comes out that is the actual giving birth process.
Ladybug: So why is that gross? (Yep, back to bite me on the butt)
Mama:  Well not in the car.  It could get messy.
Ladybug:  Tell me how it is messy.
Mama: I don't think I am old enough for this conversation. (I really don't want to give a biology lesson today)
Ladybug: Mom!  I am old enough.  Just tell me.
Mama:  You may be old enough but I am not. (Seriously, I am not old enough for these conversations)
Ladybug: But you are old.
Mama: Thanks kid. (Because this is the second time today I have been called old)
Ladybug: Just tell me.
Mama: Well it gets a little messy because other things other than just the baby come out.  (Any chance she will accept this as the final answer?)
Ladybug: Like what? (I guess that is a no)
Mama: Well, there is the amniotic fluid. (It has been a long time since I took biology)
Ladybug: What is that?
Mama: The liquid the baby swims in while inside the mama.  (A really long time)
Ladybug: What else comes out?
Mama: Well, the placenta comes out. (And I never gave birth)
Ladybug: What is that?
Mama: The thing that feeds the baby while inside the mama. (Is that right?)
Ladybug: What else comes out?
Mama: Some blood. (True?)
Ladybug: This would be easier if people just laid eggs.

And then I try to control the laughter and tears streaming down my face because I am driving.  But yes, I think it would be.

Mean Mama

I got it all wrong

The other day I saw a short clip on TV.  I think it was Disney...because I watch way too much Disney these days (oh how I long for the days when bad Disney acting will be behind me).  It was about an 8 (or maybe he was 9) year old boy that runs marathons.  His dad also runs...but the son is a better runner.  He trains.  He keeps track of his routines.  He races.  But it gets better.  He is one of 10 kids in the family.  The kids range from teenager to 2 years old.  And they all run.  Obviously at different levels. 

And it hit me.  One of my new year's resolution is to train for a marathon.  But I keep putting it off because I am fat.  I believe I need to lose weight first.  And then I realized that if I started training I would lose weight.  I don't have to wait.  I can start.

And then it occurred to me...how do I train for a marathon as a single mother?  I have trained for a marathon before.  I never actually ran a marathon.  But I trained.  I set out a schedule and stuck to it. I ran a little...and then a little more...and then a lot more.  On average I was running about 35 miles per week.  I was slow.  But I liked distance.  I hated hills.  But I liked the rain.  I hated the first mile of every run.  But I could (and did) run 5 miles with a broken toe  (I break my toes a lot).

So why didn't I run a marathon since I was training?  Luck.  Or more accurately, bad luck.  My marathon was scheduled for April.  After months of hard, dedicated training, I got sick the first week of January.  I mean knock me on the ass and stay in bed sick.  I got a viral infection.  And I was in bed for a week.  And it is amazing how a week of bed rest will wreck your training.  But I was determined.  I came back strong.  My schedule of training to prepare for the marathon had no room for adjustment.  I cranked up the running...in January... in the dead of winter.  So not surprisingly, I got sick ... again.  Bronchitis and viral infection.  In February.  And I spent another week in bed.  While I was down, I was not out.  I came back running.  And then the debilitating thing happened.  I got a foot injury.  Painful, long term, and down for the count.  It took about 6 months to heal.  And then I got a knee injury.  Not as painful, but really long term.  Will never really heal from it.  So I never ran a marathon.  But I never lost the desire.

But back to the idea of training as a single mom?  I get up early?  Come on!  I will never get up earlier than Ladybug -- and I can't leave her at home.  I can train after work?  Homework?  Dinner?  Family time?  Bed time?  I don't see that happening.  A gym?  Money. 

So here is the idea.  I can start training, which for now is walking.  I can't run with this weight on a bad knee.  I can walk before work.  With Ladybug.  She is up.  She has energy.  She can use the exercise too...to burn energy.  That will require me to go to bed earlier.  Which is not a bad thing for me.  And then after she goes to bed I can use the Wii to do some strength training.  SO instead of trying to work around my child, I will try to include my child.

Mean Mama
So that is the new fantasy...wonder if I will make it a reality.

Channeling Fancy Nancy

Today was "Fancy Nancy" day at school.  It is part of spirit week.  So we did it up.  Tutu.  Crown.  Necklaces.  Rings. Bracelets.  Hair accessories.

We showed up at school.  Looking fancy.  And noticed all the other girls were wearing their...Sunday best.  Fancy Nancy believes in accessories.  Not just pretty tights and bows on perfect little dresses.  But what if I made the mistake?

Mean Mama

driving rules

Have you ever gotten stuck behind a car at a red light and then the red light turns green and the person in front of you doesn't go anywhere?  Of course you have.  So what is the proper thing to do?

If I am in a good mood when this happens, I lightly tap the horn and toot the person in front of me back to reality and we go on our merry way.

If I am in a bad mood, I let a few four letter words fly, lay on the horn, and flip off the ass in front of me for not knowing how to drive.

Both seem reasonable to me - depending on my mood.  But my question is...what if the car in front of me is a cop?  Because that is what happened to me this morning.

For the record, I did nothing.  Waited.  Watched the green go from green to yellow to red.  And waited for the next green.

Mean Mama

siblings

I recently read a post on facebook about siblings in adoption.  One person (whose aunt placed a child for adoption) said that biology doesn't matter.  That child is not a part of her family.  She is not a cousin or a sibling or a child.  That she can not push her way into the lives of the other family members. 

Biology?  Siblings? 

I lost 5 of my 6 biological siblings when I was adopted.  I was adopted with one siblings.  I have since found all of them -- and lost some again.  Is there importance in the sibling relationship in the adoption world?

My siblings (not adopted with):
T - technically a half sister (different father). Smart but did not use her potential.  Or is that a judgment?  She lost 2 of her 3 children to the foster care system.  She never held a job.  She dated men in jail.  She mooched.  She begged for money.  She lied.  She spent some time in jail for stealing social security checks from an old lady.  I cut her off.

C - I found her.  I pissed her off.  She cut me off.  She went to college.  She study working with people with disabilities.  She ended up having a child with severe disabilities.  She married an abusive ass (yeah, another judgment). 

J - I found him.  He has disabilities but I am unclear to what extent.  He disowned his adoptive family at 18.  Now 18 years later he is trying to re-establish that relationship.  This year he has been arrested twice (that I know of) for theft by writing bad checks.  He stole his best friend's wife (right after he divorce his best friend's mother).

P - I  found him.  Successful business man.  Musician (fairly successful).  Husband.  Father of 3.  Conservative.

J2 - I found him.  Single.  Devoted to his family.  Chef. 

Sibling (I was adopted with):
A: Educator.  Single mother - while completely different in style than me, a good mother.  Religious.  Former military.  Fairly conservative.  Big spender (more so than an educator can afford).  Gullible.  Optimistic.  Not really interested in hearing about alternatives to her own thoughts.

Me: Social worker.  Paralegal.  Single mother.  Strict.  Liberal.  Atheist.  Pessimist.  Stubborn.  Known as the oppositional employee at the office.  Opinionated -- and often wrong.

We all seem to have very little in common.  I regret none of my decisions to search for them (even the ones that I no longer talk to).  My lost siblings are my biggest regret with my adoption.  I believe when it comes to siblings, biology does matter.  I wish my daughter had siblings -- although she swears she has them. 

Thoughts?  Does your child have biological siblings?  How do you handle that?  What would you do if your child wanted contact?  If they were minors?

Mean Mama

I was perfect...almost

Tuesday could have been a hard day.  But I refused.

At about 4:30pm I received a call from Ladybug's afterschool program.  The counselor is a very calm girl -- college student.  Sweet.  Nothing rattles her.  And always smiles.  But she called.  Ladybug was melting down.  Refusing to listen.  Refusing to follow rules.  The counselor wanted some hints. 

I haven't talked to them about her new diagnosis.  I was hoping it was necessary.  And there is no way I can do this over the phone.  So I tried to handle it.  I asked to talk with Ladybug on the phone.  Upon hearing my voice she started crying and whining.  I couldn't understand anything she was saying.  I asked if she thought she could turn it around and have a good afternoon.  She clearly said no.  So I told the counselor I was coming to get her.

I could leave early.  It was only 20 minutes.  And my boss has been on vacation for 2 weeks -- I can leave 20 minutes early. 

I got to the program and parked.  I went in.  She was ready to go.  Backpack was on.  But I decided to take a few minutes and talk to the counselor.  Just a few things.  Eye contact.  Promises and no threats.  Follow through.  Zero tolerance.  And they can always call me.  I can not expect them to deal with her when she is melting down.

Ladybug hated it.  She didn't want to sit out of earshot and wait for me.  But I made her.  And then we left.  She was determined to punish me for talking to the counselor.  But I kept it light.  And normal.  I asked what she had for lunch.  About recess.  About "special" class.  She wanted to be mad.  She tried to stay mad.  But she couldn't.  And that made her sad.

We did homework when we got home.  We had dinner.  We got the "emotion" faces out and talked about them.  We talked about the options she did not take earlier in the day.  We talked about what she could do the next time. 

I was calm.  I was friendly.  I smiled -- all the way up to my crows feet eyes.  I laughed.  I was affectionate.  She was able to crawl out of her funk.  It was a lot of work.  But it worked.  And I was proud of myself.  I managed to do it all right. 

And then I crawled into bed with her.  She picked one of her library books.  And I realized that maybe I should be more careful about the books she gets at the library.  Our bedtime story that night?  Walter the Farting Dog.

Mean Mama