A day in the life

Some days just really test me.

I got up.  On time... but still exhausted.  I took an extra long shower -- because it felt good -- but that made me be running a little late.  Breakfast, tooth brushing, and packing for school went well -- well except we fought about if it was possible to brush your teeth and sing at the same time.  Ladybug asked if she could take the art project we did over the weekend to school to show it to her teacher.  I said yes, with hesitation.

I drop her off at school and headed to work.  It was going to be a busy day.  Last night at about 10pm I realized that I had not done what I needed to do to prepare for my 10:30 meeting so I was up a little late trying to do it.  I finished it up this morning and emailed it off to those who needed -- or more accurately I thought I emailed it but only after I left the office to run an errand did I realize I forgot to attach the attachments.

We had a "team retreat" scheduled for today.  The woman who was suppose to bring chili (the main dish) called in sick -- with no chili.  So I raced out to the store, bought the stuff, and raced home to make chili.  I tripped on the stairs and crumpled onto the ground while getting stuff out the car.  But I was not injured.  I packed to very full crock pots in the car and drove back to the office hoping they would not tip and spill.

I managed a conference call -- despite my introverted tendencies.  I recently got back my Myers Briggs results and I am an INFP.  Then I grabbed the chili and headed out.  One of my co-workers offered to transport the chili in her "state" car so that if it spilled at least it would not be in my car.  So I put it in her car.  She pulled out of the parking lot a little too fast and both crock pots tipped over.

I spent 3 hours in a team building activity with a bunch of people who really don't like having me as part of the team.  Then I headed back to the office.  I got in touch with my client but had no new information for him because I have not been able to get in touch with his social worker.  I read a few depressing cases.  Then went to consult on a case with a social worker.  This is the one social worker I feel comfortable with in the office and since she gets a lot of the cases that have domestic violence, we consult a lot.  She informed me that she was told that she consults too much with me.  And it was about this time I began to lose it.

I went back to my office and called Ladybug's pediatrician.  She has a physical scheduled for tomorrow and I wanted to confirm to the time.  I was informed that they actually needed to cancel it.  I had a hard time being civil.  I scheduled this appointment 8 weeks ago.  I needed to talk to the doctor about possibly medicating my child (at the suggestion of her new therapist).  Cancelled?  They stated that something came up.  They offered a new appointment -- in 5 weeks.  No!  No!  No!  So I went back to my social worker friend to unload about it.  Only to discover that her new client -- a child abuse case -- is what bumped my appointment.  I get it.  The child with the black eye takes a priority over my child -- at least until my child beats up another child.

I packed up my office to bring home -- because Hurricane Sandy is coming so we were all ordered to bring home as much as we could.

When I got to the after school program to pick up Ladybug, the director asked if I got a call from the bus company.  Oh that can't be good.  As it turns out Ladybug got in a fight with a boy on the bus over a brown paper bag.  An EMPTY brown paper bag.  And she pushed him to the ground.

New rule:  Ladybug is not allowed to touch another child EVER!

She forgot her lunch box at school.

She forgot her art project at the after school program. 

But we are home.  She is fed.  She is cleaned.  And in bed!

Hurricane Sandy has arrived.  High winds, rain, drama.  I have parked far away from the dead tree in my yard.  And because of high winds, school and work are on a 2 hour delay.  Tuesday has got to be a better day.

Mean Mama

cruel and unusual???

Ladybug hates doing chores.  Shocker.  I hate some chores too.  The one I hate the most is trash.  I hate taking it out.  And it shows.  I wait until it is over flowing before I take it out.  But one of the ones that she hates the most is laundry.  So we made a deal a while ago regarding laundry.  She puts all her laundry in the laundry basket and I do everything else.

I put in washer.  I put in dryer.  I fold.  I put away.  Doesn't really seem fair to me.  I must have had a weak moment.

But lately she has been making my job more difficult.  She strips off her clothes in such a manner that causes them to be inside out and throws them in the basket.  So by the time it comes to folding... everything is inside out.  So I have to turn them right side in (is that the right term?) and then fold.  I have asked her not to do this.  She hasn't changed her behavior.

So this week I didn't turn them right side in.  I left them inside out.  I folded.  And I put them away. 

Today she put on a pair of yoga pants.  Inside out.  I told her.  She didn't understand why they would be inside out. She didn't find my punishment funny.

Wait until it happens all week long.

Mean Mama

Question of the week

Today's blog is brought to you by... YOU!

No, really.

It has been forever since I have fallen in love.  It is not one of my talents.  And, if memory serves, my introverted nature also makes it hard on me.  So I have decided that I need a more positive look on love.  This is where YOU come in.

Please leave me a message.  Describe how you fell in love the first time.  Or the latest time.  Or your favorite time.  Tell me about how you felt.  The moment you knew you were in love.  How you told the person you love.  Why you fell in love.  Make me feel good about love (this is all about me, after all).

Any takers???

Mean Mama

Insurance

Here is the difference between my life now and my life 6 months ago.

I use to worry about counseling for Ladybug.  She needed it.  But insurance didn't cover it.  So every time I took her it was $120 out of my pocket.  If she went every other week that was $240 in a month.  $240 that I just didn't have.  But counseling she needed.  So I had to pick... raise my debt and given my child counseling or not pay the expense and feel like a bad mom by not giving her what she needed.

It stressed me out.  And then I felt even more like a bad mom.

Now Ladybug needs therapy again.  She is not doing well at all.  And I can feel my stress level rising.  So I found a therapist for her.  And I checked with insurance today.  Was this therapist in network?  Was there a limit?  Is it covered?  Is there a co-pay? 

Free -- to me.  100% covered by insurance.  No limits.  Just show up. 

Really??  One less thing to stress about while I stress over dropping her off at school every day, waiting for the phone to ring, holding my breath while I talk to the many school people, and try not to freak out on her while we process.

Mean Mama

Small world

I have a lot going on in me.  I feel the turmoil.  I feel ...  Yeah, that is about it.  I feel.

Last week I had a "small world" moment.

About 15 years ago I started a new job.  I hadn't planned on taking a new job.  It was just one of those things that happened to me.  I got talked into doing an interview for a job I didn't want and walked out hoping I would get the job.

I loved the job.  It was working with teenage boys in a residential treatment program.  And I connected with one particular boy.  He was quiet and shy.  Reserved.  He didn't reach out to anybody.   But he did to me.  We developed a wonderful working relationship.  Trust.  Honesty.  And let's be honest... I loved that kid!  I would have taken him home and made him a part of my family if I could.  He stole my heart.  And he blossomed. 

And then it was time to let him go.  Not because I believed it.  But because I was told.  I thought that he wasn't ready to move on.  The team thought I wasn't ready to let go.  I didn't want to let go.  But it was more then that.  But my job wasn't to hold back a child.  So I made the final preparations for him to be successful and I let him go.

And for 15 years I would think of him and wonder how he was doing. 

Last week at work I was looking through new client reports and his name popped up.  And it is a unique name.  How was it possible that 14 years later, nearly 200 miles away, and he pops back into my life.  He lives 5 miles from me. 

And then I panicked.  I knew this kid because of a confidential job while he was a juvenile.  I have confidential information on him of when he was a juvenile.  Sealed record.  I can not use that information to form an opinion of his current situation.

Actually, after my boss spoke with the attorneys it was determined I could have nothing to do with this case.  I had to remove myself from his case.  I could not participate.  I can not know anything. 

I loved this kid.  He was in my office last Friday.  I was standing talking to someone in the lobby when he arrived.  My back was to him.  I heard his voice.  And I had to walk away without turning around. It broke my heart.

Mean Mama

Pain

It is amazing how pain can affect your life.  Or my life.

Years ago... when I was young... I ran.  I loved it.  And then I got injured.  Plantar Faciitus... or however you spell it.  Foot injury.  Painful.  Had to give up running.

And now it appears to be back.  In my heel.  I sit.  I am fine.  I stand up... PAIN!  First few steps are painful.

I hate it. 

It makes me feel old.  And crippled.

Make it go away.

Please.

Mean Mama

It was bound to happen

We have been here for just over 5 months.  At the end of the month I will be finishing up my 6 months of probation at work.  Most days I feel like I have a clue at work.  I am making friends, B and Mat Ladybug's daycare and E, K and J at work.  I feel hopeful.

But let's face it... I have been holding my breath when it comes to Ladybug's behavior.  I am not stupid.  I am expecting it.  She is bound to melt down.  And now that we are 6 or 7 weeks into the school year, things about bound to explode.  Better to admit it then to be surprised by it.

So I saw the huffing and puffing.  I saw the posturing.  I saw the attitude.  I could blame it on the sisters I didn't like (and to be honest, they really didn't help the situation at all).  But I knew sooner or later we were likely to need therapy.  And Ladybug even started asking for it.  So I started looking.

Have I mentioned that I live in the middle of flipping NOWHERE?  I need an attachment specialist in a town of 6500 people.  So I started asking around a few weeks ago.  I was in trainings -- so I asked the experts.  I was at work -- so I paid attention to who clients were using.

And then Friday happened. 

As she was lining up at the end of the school day to get on the bus to go to the other school program she had a little problem.  A first grade girl she knows tried to cut in line.  She had already blown out of several classes during the day.  I had already received calls from her regular teacher and her math teacher.  But this was apparently the last straw.  So she pushed the girl into the wall.  This little girl who is about 6 inches shorter and about half her weight.  To be fair, because I also know this little girl, she has some serious anger issues and is a scrappy little thing.  So she turned around after being pushed and punched Ladybug in the back of the head.  And the battle began.

So I got a call from the school counselor.  Shocker!

And then today, I found a therapist for her.  First appointment is in about 2 weeks.

Mean Mama

Holiday theme

It may seem a little early in the year to be discussing holiday parties but the topic came up in my staff meeting yesterday.  We settled on a date and place and then went on to the next topic.  But as we left staff the director asked the host if she would be willing to see if people were willing to do a food theme this year instead of just a random potluck. 

So in team meetings -- I am on both teams -- we took suggestions and polls. 

How about college themed -- kegs and pizza?

How about xyz theme?

And then someone suggested how about a country theme.  Pick a country and everyone bring a traditional food from that country.  And that is where things went terribly wrong.

Supervisor:  How about Ethiopia.  We will all starve that way?
Me: Excuse me.  What did you say?
Supervisor: Um.  Nothing.
Me:  I don't think I heard you, what did you say.
Supervisor: Nothing.  It wasn't appropriate.
Me: I plan on cooking Ethiopian food all weekend if you have any desire to learn about it.
Supervisor: Um.

And she is a social worker.

Mean Mama

September update

1.  Loose 55 pounds by December 31, 2012.  Down another 5.  Still only 38 to go now.  I have a feeling I may fail for the yearly goal.

2.  Begin writing a book.  I have a fiction and non-fiction option.  Giving myself 2 years to complete it.  Did nothing.

3.  In September I needed to get 8 hours of sleep at least three night a week - because I failed at this in August. Each month after I must add one more night per week. I got it.  Not that it seemed to help much.  I was exhausted most of the month.  But now that it is colder, I find myself going to bed early just to get warm.

4.  Blog at least 12 times per month.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

5.  Finish unpacking and putting together rooms in the house.  One room a month.  Problem is I have more rooms than months this year.  September is the study.   Done!  And I only had to buy one $27 bookcase and one $15 bookcase.  I planned to buy a new rug but one showed up -- not sure from where.  I am sad I don't get the one I wanted but I decided to save the money for other things.  Here on the photos...

I know I promised the kitchen too.  But I can not deliver.  But not for lack of trying.  My step mom agreed to sew curtains for me.  She is arriving in less than 2 weeks with them.  So the kitchen will have to wait until the October update.  I will also have the dining room done for that.  I promise.  I know because most of it is already done (and it is only October 1st).  The only part I can not promise is the wall being fixed (remember that wall the landlord had to rip open right before I moved in?  Yeah, that still needs a little work).  The continues dropping temperatures are letting me know that I am rapidly running out of time to winterize and that even though some windows are new, they still need curtains.  I am struggling with rugs at the moment.  Maybe I will have some clarity by the end of the month.

6.  Start a 529 account.  Done.

7.  Start a savings account. No success here either.

8.  Eat out no more then 2 times per month.  I think it is important to keep this one from last year.  Done!  Surprisingly easy this month.

9.  Reinstall Photoshop and start editing photos again.  Nope. 

10. Pay all bills on time. Done! 

11. Make at least 1 pair of earrings each week.  Nope. No new excuse.

12.  Adding a new goal this month... Ladybug will sleep in her own bed.  Please!  Ha!  And since the landlord is in the middle of fixing a window in her room, we have shut off the room and she isn't even pretending to sleep in her room.  Hopefully that will change soon.

Mean Mama

Question of the week

I had an incident while in Chicago last month.  So now I have a question.

In between the workshops I had to make a run to the ladies room. I waited in line for my turn.  When it was my turn, it was the handicap stall.  I used it.  As I was coming out the next person in line made a comment.  She gave me a dirty look but refused to take her turn.  The woman behind her told her there was an empty stall. The woman said something like, "It is for people with disabilities.  I am not disabled so I should not use it."

I got the message.  I was bad for using that stall.  So I began to think.  I don't park in handicap spots.  EVER!  And I was a little pissy this morning when I saw a cop parked in the handicap spot so he could get his coffee this morning.  But I don't really see the bathroom stall thing as the same.  I mean, if there someone with a disability in the bathroom I would let her go first.  But not use a toilet for 2 minutes because someone might come in?

So do you use the handicap stall?

Really.  I want to know.

Mean Mama