searching

This is a topic that comes up in my life over and over again.  It is a topic I have debated many times over the years.  From many different points of view.  And I know that it is not a topic that is done for me yet.

I first searched for siblings.  Five, to be exact.  I have 6 biological siblings but I was adopted with one.  Some of the searching was easy.  Some not so much.  I then searched for for my biological mother.  Which was odd.  I thought it would be easy.  I had her name and her age.  I knew what state she lived in and even the town.  But I could not find her.  This was before the internet really entered every home.  But I did eventually find her. I even helped some friends search.

And now searching is on my mind.  I worry that if I don't search for Ladybug that I will run out of time.  I worry that maybe the time has already run out.  What if they are all dead.  How sad would that be for her. 

But the other day I thought I started a rather innocent conversation with my sister at lunch.  It turned into a rather heated debate with my father about the right to search. 

I was rather surprised how against it he was. I don't think it came from a personal stand -- like he was afraid of me rejecting him in place of my biological family.  I mean, let's face it, that is so not going to happen in my case.  But he thought that as a parent relinquished a child for adoption that the parent should check a box allowing for future contact or not by that biological child.  If the biological parent said no then the adoptee (adult or not) should not be allowed to search.  Ever.

I say... screw that.  I (or an adult adoptee) can not be held to a contract that I was not a party to.  And life is fluid.  Who is to say things don't change for all involved.  And that what seemed like the worst thing at the birth (being found by the child you gave up) is not so bad 20...30...40 years later.  I say, history has a way of creeping into your life.  Secrets are impossible. I also say that all people involved should behave like reasonable adults and respect all those involved in the process. 

My dad thinks that the bio parents right to privacy trumps the adoptees' desire to search.  Every single time.  I disagree.

Thoughts?

Mean Mama