Debt Update

A while ago I posted that I wanted to work on being debt free.

The good news:  I paid off my medical bills today.

The bad news: I had to take Ladybug to the doctor today...here comes more medical bills.
                       I had to put a lot on the credit card this month because it turns out that hosting a Thanksgiving weekend is expensive.
                       I am stressed financially and I need to defer my student loans.

It is all about the choices we make.  And if I make the right choices now it will only make things better for me later.

Mean Mama

Chicken Nuggets

I have been told that I am a picky eater.  I am not.  I don't like seafood or fish.  I refuse to eat squash.  And I think over cooked mushy veggies are gross.  Ladybug on the other hand ... is a picky eater.  It is difficult.  If it isn't a hamburger, pizza or macaroni and cheese then she is not interested.  Unless you consider desserts.

One of the things she likes -- usually -- is chicken nuggets.  And then I saw a video online about how the meat in chicken nuggets is processed.  I was disgusted.  I will spare you the link.  It was almost enough to drive me back to being a vegetarian.

About a month ago Ladybug wanted chicken nuggets.  I bought a bag at the store.  She refused to eat them.  Said they were gross.  No kidding.  I tried one.  They were gross.  So bad that I actually tossed them.

But she has started asking for them again.  I just could not bring myself to buy them.  But then I had an idea.  Over this past holiday I made Chicken Parmesan for dinner.  I followed the recipe and yet somehow I ended up with about 2 cups of breading left over.  So I decided that I would buy some chicken and make nuggets from scratch.  And Ladybug was excited. 

We cut chicken.  We dunked it in egg.  We buried it in breadcrumbs.  We fried it.  Here is the problem.  I can't decide which I find more disgusting -- raw egg or raw chicken.  Really.  They give me the creeps.  Turns my stomach.  So I am dipping one disgusting thing into another disgusting thing with my hands.  GAG!

Luckily, Ladybug wanted to get her hands dirty.

 

 

Even better ... she loved them.  And I know that they are not that gross and disgusting processed chicken.

Mean Mama

bugs bugs bugs

When my niece was born my parents each spent a week at my sister's house.  My mom went first.  She came back telling stories of how truly gross her house was.  My mom is a very clean person.  She is not OCD.  She has one cat and one dog.  She is single.  She gets to have as clean of a house as she wants.  Clutter free.  My sister is not clutter free.  She is a pack rat -- I think that is the nice way of putting it.  My mom spent the week cleaning.  Because my sister was in the hospital.  Then my father went.  He didn't clean much but he came back with the same stories.  And this was after my mom had already spent cleaning for a week.  Then my step mom spent a week.  And she told the same stories. 

I have never been to my sister's house.  We have a complicated relationship.  We have a hard time getting along.  But I believed the stories.  They described stories of things piled high around the rooms with pathways from one place to the next.  A pathway from the bed to the dresser.  A pathway from the couch to the door.  We have many family conversations about if this was the right environment to raise a child.  But in the end, we did nothing.  Well, I did nothing.  My parents continued to talk to my sister.  Encourage her to clean.  Purge.  Change her ways.

When my niece was about 2 years old my parents took a trip to my sister's house again.  This time they refused to stay at her house.  They said there were cock roaches all over her house.  A few weeks later my mom took a trip to her house.  She came back with the same stories.  She said that after the first few hours she refused to be in my sister's house.  She went to a hotel.  She said she saw at least a couple hundred cock roaches. The family conversations started again.  My sister listened.  She cleaned her house.  She fixed her house.  She fumigated her house.  No more cock roaches.  She promised.  My mom explained to her the health worries.  The general ones and then added that my niece has asthma.  So for my niece my sister cleaned up her life.

For this Thanksgiving everyone came to my house.  I wasn't worried about the bugs.  There was no need.  It has been nearly 2 years.  There is no way I had anything to worry about.  But on the first night, as I moved her suitcase aside to get into my coat closet, I saw 2 teenage cock roaches hop out of her suitcase and scramble into my closet. 

No.

No.

NO!

I just got rid of all mine.  I worked so hard. I hate bugs.  I don't want cock roaches in my house. 

Now that she is gone I have located and killed 2 cock roaches.  And I am waiting for more to appear.  I can not live with cock roaches.  I will not live with cock roaches.

Mean Mama

sleeping arrangements

My house is plenty big.  Okay, townhouse.  I watch a ton of HGTV.  Sometimes I am amazed at the "required" list of some people who are looking for a house.  A young couple no kids must have 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 2500 square feet, large kitchen, large back yard...etc.

My townhouse is about 900 square feet.  Two bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms.  When I was cleaning last week I discovered 2.5 bathrooms is too many.  Who wants to clean that many on a regular basis?  The half bathroom is downstairs and the 2 others are upstairs.  It is nice not sharing a bathroom with Ladybug.  She is not the neatest child.  On the other hand since I am not inspecting or using her bathroom on a regular basis it gets really bad without me noticing.  Two bedrooms is necessary... no matter what Ladybug may say or think. 

She needs her own room.   And she goes to bed in it every night.  And yet she wakes up in my bed every morning.  EVERY. MORNING.  Why?  Well, I might have discovered why.

Over the holiday weekend I had to do a little shuffling.  I gave up my bed.  My beloved bed.  No really.  I love my bed.  It was the first real piece of furniture I bought for myself.  An oak sleigh bed.  Queen.  And I bought a fabulous mattress.  Hard.  Apparently I like it hard.  But I gave it up.  I let my parents have my bed over the weekend.   I heard my father crawl into my bed and say to my step mom, "This water bed is hard."  They sleep on a water bed so it must have felt hard to them.  But if they can't appreciate my bed I will gladly take it back.

My sister and niece slept in the living room on the futon.  She is a morning person.  I am not.  At. All.  I think it is silly to get up at the crack of dawn and start drinking coffee.  Why not just sleep later.  No coffee necessary.  But since she was sleeping in the living room that meant that we all had to go to bed early.  Which I guess is not a bad idea -- especially since I was EXHAUSTED by the end of the weekend. 

I moved into Ladybug's room.  She slept on the floor in my room so she could be close to my parents.  A few years ago I bought an Ikea bed off craigslist for her.  I had heard good things about Ikea.  Everybody loves the.  I think the bed is kind of ugly.  But it worked.  This weekend was my first time to sleep on it.  It is NOT comfortable.  At all.  I now know why she crawls in bed with me.  Every night.  I would too if I slept on it every night.  I barely slept all night.  The mattress is too thin.  I tossed.  I turned.  I flipped.  I did not sleep. 

The second night I found a few extra pillows ( I only had one the night before and I normally sleep with 4 -- just for me).  That helped.  Turns out I am a pillow girl.  And now I am just happy to have my bed back.  I LOVE my bed.  Really.

Mean Mama

failing

I have failed. Miserably. I did not get back down to 265 before Thanksgiving. And the holiday food did not help. It actually hurt. So Project Hopeful is about to get some more money I did not plan on.

I am back up to 270. BLECH!!!! 23.8 pounds this year. BLECH!!!!

When I finished the last round at the end of October I felt good about myself. I liked the way things fit. I liked that I fit comfortably into all my winter clothes. I am planning a trip to the mountains over Christmas so I want to feel comfortable. Without needing to buy any clothes. I wore all the clothes last year too. But they were tight. And uncomfortable.

This weekend my step mom took Ladybug and I to the store to find a dress of Ladybug for her birthday. We picked out a few good options and proceeded to the dressing room. Big mistake. The lighting! The mirrors! My fat self! Not a good combination. As I sat on the stool helping Ladybug in and out of the dresses I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The image did not help my self image.

It is no wonder that nobody has noticed my weight loss. Not my sister -- who is also trying to loose weight. Not my step mom -- who is very weight focused. Not my dad -- who for the first time is having his own weight issue. Not my co-workers (okay one has noticed -- and that was really nice to hear). What people know is that I am fat. And they are right.

So tomorrow I start one more round of starvation dieting. Starting tomorrow. Ending on December 21. Leaving for the holidays on December 22.  The goal is .... well.  I am hoping for 15 pounds.  Will be happy with 10 pounds.  I can do this.

I can do this.

I can do this.

Please let me be able to do this.

Mean Mama 
PS - 23.8 down and 120 to go.

Truth Pandemic

Get the truth. Know the truth. Spread the truth.

Scary moments

The weekend before Thanksgiving I was in a cleaning frenzy. I vividly remember that anytime my grandparents would visit my house my parents would make us clean. And as a result I would always tell them that there was no way I was going to clean my house for them when they came to visit me. Take me or leave me.

But it turns out that I don't clean enough. So I cleaned. A lot. Could you eat off the floor? No. But you would be willing to walk barefoot over it.

While I cleaned, Ladybug was allowed to play outside. I left the front door open. I gave her instructions. I checked on her at least every 2 minutes. Which made cleaning more difficult. I would look for her. Verify that she wasn't doing anything wrong and go back to cleaning.

And then I poked my head out of the door and saw... nothing. Nothing. No kids. Where was she? I called her name. Nothing. I called louder. Nothing. My heart began to race. I slipped on my clogs. and walked down the street. Nothing. I got to the end of the street and found a group of kids. I asked if they had seen her. No. Really!!??? Where was she. I looked in the back yard. Nothing.

Panic is really starting to set in. I am having images. Where is she? Is she hurt? Did she get snatched. I am racing back toward my place so I can get my cell phone. I am seriously thinking of calling the police. How do you call the police and tell them that I have lost my child? Just let her be safe.

And as I panicked I remembered what happened 24 hours earlier. She had gone into another kid's house without telling me. Another child playing outside saw this and told me. So I went and got her. I then had the conversation about how that was not allowed. I must know where she is. AT ALL TIMES! She would not be back in a house without permission within 24 hours. Would she?

So I started knocking on doors. And she actually answered the door. She answered the door. And my panic changed from panic to rage in .3 seconds flat. I told her to get home.

The girl had the nerve to look at me and say ... "I don't want to."

You don't WHAT????

I am thankful she is okay. I am thankful I found her without calling the police. I am thankful she is not hurt. But if she thinks she is going to get even 10 seconds of unsupervised time outside of her bedroom anytime soon she is crazy.

I am NOT going through that again.

Mean Mama

Ethiopian Food

Feeding my child healthy food is nearly impossible these days. If it is not a hamburger, pizza, or chocolate she is not interested. Some days she would rather go hungry then eat what I serve. But if I cook Ethiopian food she will eat... and eat... and eat. The girl loves her some Ethiopian food.

The first time I made Ethiopian food I planned it out for weeks. Then the first weekend I made the Ethiopian butter. Everything tastes better made with Ethiopian butter. It took all weekend. Seriously. I just remember thinking cooking was a full time job in Ethiopia. I was never going to be good at it.

This time I made the butter on Saturday night in preparation for the feast on Wednesday. It took 2 hours to complete the process. And I was tipsy on good wine while I did. The smells wafted through the house and I was happy on wine.

And then on Wednesday I threw together my Ethiopian feast. Which not only was enjoyed by all -- but now I have a freezer full of quick, easy microwaveable meals. Fast food that is healthy -- that she will eat.




Mean Mama

Family tree

A few weeks ago Ladybug stated she wanted to make a family tree. I asked her what she meant (just in case I didn't understand) and she told me exactly what I was thinking.

And then I had a (small) burst of creativity. Wouldn't it be nice to have a family tree that actually looks like a tree? We could draw a tree. We could use real leaves. It is fall.

So after several weeks Ladybug finally harassed me enough and we created a family tree today -- just in time for Thanksgiving.



It is hanging above the kitchen table -- it has only crashed to the floor once so far.

You may notice that there is something missing from the family tree. Yep, the family. The idea is to take a picture of each family member ( just the ones coming to Thanksgiving and my brother and sister who can not make it) and paste them in the tree.

She is quite the little artist.

Mean Mama

sometimes it is scary to get what you want

Last night I put Ladybug to bed and she immediately started coughing. That wet productive body wrenching type of cough. I listened for a little while but then I got the meds. I had to wake her up and have her sit up. I don't know how she sleeps through that kind of coughing.

She went back to sleep. For a minute. She got up wanting some cuddle time. She cuddle for a few minutes and the coughing continued. Until I realized that it was getting to the point that she was likely going to puke. I was lucky enough to get her to the bathroom before she spewed. YEAH!!!!

So I settled her back in bed. Crisis averted. She cuddled under the blankets. And promptly puked all over her pillow which dribbled down onto her sheets and blanket. Of course. Sheets changed and back in bed for the night.

I silently told said to myself -- please let her sleep through the night.

When I woke up this morning at 8am I realized I was alone in bed. I was alone all night. And it was 8am. Neither happens. Ever. I stayed in bed for a few minutes listening. To nothing. No coughing. No beds clinking. No singing. Nothing. And then my imagination got the better of me. Why? Why hadn't she crawled in bed with me? She does every night. Why wasn't she up? She never sleeps to 8am. What if something was really wrong? What if she was really ill?

So I got up and checked on her. She was sleeping. Sweetly. So I went back to bed. For about 30 seconds before she came and joined me.

Mean Mama