The move

Sometimes it is darkest right before dawn.  That is my life right now.  I hope.

This move has been anything but easy.  In reality I should have known it would not be easy -- I don't have that kind of luck.

On Sunday morning I got a call from my new landlord.  He needed to let me know that he had finished all the plumbing in the upstairs bathroom.  That was good.  Then the plumber came out to inspect the work.  And a leak was discovered.  That was bad.  They eventually found the leak.  That was good.  It required them to rip open the dining room wall.  That was bad.  He promised to fix it.  That was good.  And even replace the wall now missing wallpaper because he has some upstairs in the attic. That is bad -- I hate wall paper.

Then on Sunday evening I got a call from U-haul.  I missed the call because I was packing.  Shocker!  But a message was left.  They were calling to let me know that the 17 foot truck I had reserved never arrived at the store.  It was not available.  Panic!  But they did have a 20 foot truck for me.  Breathe!  Which turned out to be a good thing because there would not have been an extra inch of room in the 17 footer when packed.

My friend, her husband, my dad, and my step mom came to help unpack the truck. It took 2 hours.  Which was good.  The boys I hired to pack it took an hour.  I fell once.  I gashed my knuckle.  Which is now infected because I could not find a band-aid.  I have a beautiful purple bruise the size of a quarter on my forearm.  And every inch of my body aches.  I am exhausted beyond belief. 

And every other minute I wonder... what have I done?  To my life?  To my child?  To my career?

And when I am not panicking, I can't wait until I have fully settled in, make friends, find a routine, and reconnect to those I love.

I just may need some serious meds to make it through this.

Mean Mama

Done

Kind of.

I have arrived.  Truck is unpacked.  Most of the boxes are unpacked.

New life has started.

This will work.

But tonight I will crawl in bed and cry a little.

Mean Mama

Random thoughts of the day

Random thing #1:

I started the day out with a plan.  I have 7 days until the moving truck is packed.  I have 7 rooms in my apartment.  One room a day and we are done. 

Monday: Ladybug's bathroom.
Tuesday: Downstairs bathroom.
Wednesday: My bedroom.
Thursday: Ladybug's bedroom.
Friday: My bathroom.
Saturday: Living room.
Sunday: Kitchen.

Easy enough.

And then I got home today with a note on my door.  Exterminator is coming through tomorrow.  Really???  But my house is a disaster.  I mean disgusting disaster.  The only thing not wrong with it is bugs. 

So Ladybug's bathroom and the downstairs bathroom are now cleaned and packed.  The dishes are done.  And I hope to fold, put away clothes, and vacuum the living room.  Fun times.  But at least I am officially a day ahead of schedule now.

But I do have to ask... how did my 4 foot tall 7 year old manage to splatter tooth paste on the wall at least 6 feet tall?  I have been spoiled with not having to share a bathroom with her.


Random thing #2:

I packed my files and papers about 2 weeks ago.  It was an easy pack.  And I threw away a bunch of things I no longer needed.  One of the things I threw away was the bill of sale for my car.  I mean -- it is paid off.  Why would I need those papers?  And then I looked threw the DMV website for my new state.  If the car was purchased less than 3 years ago (I purchased in 2010) then I must prove sales tax paid -- or the new state will charge me their sales tax.  Oh so that is why I need that bill of sale!

So I popped into the car dealership today to see if they had a copy.  I told them who I was and that I purchased a car in 2010 and I needed a copy of my bill of sale.  They copied it and handed it to me.  No ID.  No questions.  Hmmmm.  That seems wrong.  But at least I have what I need now.


Random thing #3:

Ladybug has daily behavioral contracts at school.  Her day is split into 9 sections and she gets checks or x's.  She got 1 X today.  For spilling her drink at lunch.  Really?  She accidentally spilled her drink in the cafeteria?  And this is somehow a behavioral issue?  I mean I know she spills things.  She is 7.  And it was in the cafeteria.  Blah!


Random thing #4:

I think she is freaking out about the move.  She won't admit it.  She is not "nervous".  She is not "scared".  I know because I asked.  She also told me I am scared because "adults don't get scared".  Good to know.  But she is clingy.  She holds my hand.  She wants lots of cuddle time.  She needs lots of hugs.  And that is before we even make it out of the afterschool program.

And tonight she asked for dinner.  And then was upset it was hamburgers instead of pancakes.  Say what?  She loves hamburgers.  And she hates having breakfast for dinner.  So she refused to eat.  Power struggle?  I assumed.

But then she asked if she could take "a long, hot bath".  Say what?  She hates taking a bath.  But she asking.  So who am I to deny her.  So up to her nice clean bathroom for a bath.  She stops at the toilet and pukes.  Over and over and over.  I am pretty sure she is running on empty.  Maybe it wasn't a power struggle.

Bath.  Bubbles.  Barbies.  Happy girl.  Compliant girl.  Off to bed and asleep before even asking for a story.

hmmmmm.

Okay I think that is all for tonight.  I need to make this place look a little less embarrassing.  For the exterminator.

Mean Mama

It is not really neglect

I am not really being neglectful of my blog.  I know it appears that way.  But I am not.  It is that I am living in survival mode.

I am moving.  In 9 days!  9 days!  The truck will be here and packed.  And with any luck I will be half way to my new home.

I went to my new town and found a place to live.  I swear I didn't eat for 4 days during that process.  I am an emotional eater.  When I get freaked I eat.  But I went soaring past that point to the point that food was no longer desired.  I have never turned down ice cream before but I turned it down several times. 

But I knew I would calm down once I secured a place to live.

I saw 1, 2, 3, ...8 places.  In one day.  The town I am moving to is a small town.  No apartment complexes.  All the apartments were in houses.  Some were nice.  Some were... well I would have been embarrassed to ask money from people to live there.  After 8 places thought, I was able to make a decision.  I forked over all kinds of personal information and a bunch of money and I secured the place.

And I felt so much better.

Well, not really.

The second day I went back to the town to talk with the school.  I needed to get her in school.  But I couldn't.  Because I didn't have an official address yet.  Right now, in my current town, school starts at 9:15 am.  I drop her off at 8:45 am and then I drive to work across town and start work at 9:00 am.  In the new town, school starts at 7:50 am.  I can drop her off at the school as early as 7:30 am.  Which is good because I need to be at work at 7:45 am.  Yikes!  I am not even out of bed at 7:45 most days now.

But then the panic set in again.  I need after school care.  When Ladybug first came home I researched day care centers in my town.  There were just over 300 centers in my town.  300!  I have finally found the resource in my new town.  Took several phone calls and hours online.  There are 5 day care centers (which also do after school care) in my new town.  5!  Oh yeah, life is about to change.

This week I have stolen a few minutes at work to start calling those places.  The good news is that they all have space.  The bad news is I can't get her enrolled until I am up there.  I will have 2 days between moving in and starting my new job.  I hope that is enough time.

I have arranged the packers (not of the boxes, just the truck).  I have arranged for the truck (and managed to talk them down $185 off the price). 

I need to shut off utilities.  I need to hook up utilities.  I need to register my car.  I need to get a new license.  I need new tires on my car.  I need to change car insurance information.  I need new health insurance.  I need to pack.  I need to clean.  I need to withdraw Ladybug from school.

I hired my replacement at my current job.  She starts 2 days before I quit.  So I must train her during my last 2 days.

And now I am worried.  What if I suck at my new job?

Mean Mama

late monthly update

1.  Lose weight.  Last year I set a goal and failed.   This year I am going to not set a number and just hope it is less than what I started at. This includes good eating habits and exercising.  I was down this month.  But no idea how much.  I have been traveling and just got home today.  No way am I not down.
2.  Read at least 1 book a month.  I liked this one from last year and have decided to keep it.  Big old failure.  Not even sure I read a kid's book fully this month.
3.  Get at least 8 hours of sleep at least 4 times per week.  I liked this one from last year and I think it is wise that I keep it this year. HAHAHAHAHA!  Stress is preventing me from sleeping.
4.  Blog at least 12 times per month.  I am lowering the number but keeping the goal.  Done!  But don't count on it for April.
5.  Refinish the new kitchen table.  Really.  Yeah.  Whatever.  Not March.  And don't bother checking for April either.
6.  Start a 529 account.  HAHAHAHAH!
7.  Start a savings account. HAHAHAHAHA!
8.  Eat out no more then 2 times per month.  I think it is important to keep this one from last year.  At least I was successful at this.
9.  Learn how to use the video feature of the camera and learn how to use Photoshop.  Nope
10. Pay all bills on time. I think this is an important one to keep.  Bills??? 
11. Make a decision about going to graduate school.  If going then start the process of making it happen.  Not going to grad school this year.  Will re-evaluate next year.
12.  The secret.  Not ready to say it out loud but need to make a decision and make it happen.  See above. 

Goals for last year were to find a new job and move.  I removed them for this year.  Pessimist that I am.  Got a new job.  Just rented a new apartment.  Moving in 2 weeks.  Freaking out!

Mean Mama

preparation

Blogging is really hard right now.  I am stressed.  This move is really being hard on me.  I am moving from a major metropolitan area where everything is at my finger tips to a small town (about 7k people).  Finding housing long distance is proving difficult.  Finding after school care is proving to be difficult.  And I start my new job in less that 1 month.  I am STRESSED.

And apparently stress paralyzes me.

But I did start the packing process.  Last week I pulled everything out of the downstairs closet to start packing.

What a mess.  So I started packing.

Packed and ready to go.

And then a few days later I decided to pack toys in the cedar chest.  I started with this mess.

And ended with this.

And there is still more room for all the other toys not yet packed.

And by the end of all the packing this is what my living room looked like.

Please note that the desk has started to be packed.  And the filing cabinet it now empty -- and packed.

The living room is a disaster again -- but it is a work in progress, I guess.  I have also started packing the kitchen.  Let's face it -- I am not going to be doing any complicated cooking in the next month (holy cow, I am moving in less than a month!) so might as well get it packed.  Will make more progress tomorrow.  Hopefully.

Mean Mama

End the hypocrisy

I am having an inner struggle.  Normally I would say something in this situation.  Normally I would be vocal about my opinion.  But the problem is the person I want to scream at is one of my biological brothers.  But there is a part of me that doesn't want to rock the boat.  I want to have a relationship with him.  But today I began to realize that maybe that is not possible.

Yesterday he posted on his facebook account about Trayvon Martin.  Have you heard of Trayvon?  Of course you have... no way have you stumbled onto my blog but not heard of Trayvon.  He posted that he was sure that Trayvon must have done something to make Zimmerman come after him.  He believes Zimmerman was justified in killing him.  And he believed at some point we would all learn the full story and learn it was a justified killing.  Zimmerman remains free and uncharged with the death of this teenager.

I don't agree.  At all.  I listened to the 911 calls.  I listened to Zimmerman's call.  He was home when he called.  He could have stayed home.  He was told to stay home.  But he opted to leave his home, with a gun, confront an unarmed teenage boy half his size, and ultimately kill him.  I don't know how you can justify that.  There were so many times in that short span of time that he could have done something else and Trayvon would still be alive. 

And then today.  Another post.  On facebook.  This time he posted a link to an article about a soccer game in North Carolina.  A white girl on one team apparently tripped (maybe accidentally) a black girl on the other team.  It would have stopped there.  But the black girl got up and then beat the white girl.  The black girl was removed from the game.  She was removed from the arena.  She was arrested for assault.  But on my brother's facebook post he stated the we needed to "End the hypocrisy!"  He wanted to know why were we not outraged for this white girl like we were for the black boy.

Well let me count the reasons...
1. Trayvon died ... white girl did not (sorry I don't know her name).
2.  Black girl (don't know her name either) was held accountable for her actions b ejection from the game and arrested ... Zimmerman has not been held accountable for his actions.
3.  Nobody has defended this black girl for her action of beating the white girl ... people are not only defending Zimmerman but some are inviting him to go on TV to tell his side of the story.

Mean Mama

Power of 10 -- week 3

Power of 10 is taking on a new look.  Because I need to get rid of stuff.  I know I am little behind.  But I will make up for it.

So this weekend I began the packing process.  So my power of 10 goals are no longer exact.  I did not pick out 10 things of Ladybug's to get rid of.  But I did pick out some things.

It is more than 10.  Most of these came from cleaning out a closet.

And I did not pick out 10 of my things.

This is a little harder to see.  Off to recycling was a bunch of wrapping paper, 2 boxes and a bunch of bills that are old.  Off to the trash was the broken dvd player, a broken filing box, and my carpet steamer.  Counted as individual things it is way more then 10 things.  But I am so disappointed that my carpet cleaner broke right before I need to move -- and steam clean my carpets.

I promised 5 weeks of power of 10 so I have 2 more to do.  With all the packing I need to do I am sure I will get this done.

Mean Mama

Motivation

I am trying.  I want to.  But it is difficult.

I am back on the diet wagon.  I am hoping to be successful this time.

It is hard because I am stressed.  I eat when I am stressed.  I mean with the new job and moving and everything... I am stressed.

But I just found out my older sister is also back on a diet.  And being successful.  And there is no way she is going to beat me at this.  No way!

Mean Mama

Nothing!

Sometimes I save a post with just a title so that I can remember to go back and write the post later.  And sometimes I sit and look at the title for a while before I remember what I wanted to talk about.  This one took about a week.

In our recent trip (for job hunting purposes -- have I mentioned that I got the job?????) we ran into some difficulties.  Ladybug is not a delicate, careful time of kid.  She is a barrel through it like a bull type of kid.  I know this.  So I usually can deal with it.  On one of the days we were there I had the interview.  My friend decided to take her daughter out of school for the day and travel around the state with Ladybug and I.  We went to one town (about 3 hours away) for the interview.  Then we went to the town we will moving to (another 1.5 hour drive) to see the town.  I thought it might be nice to see the town before moving there.  Then we drove back to my friend's house (about 3.5 hours).  That was a lot of driving.  The girls did great.  They had iPod/MP3 players and they each had a portable DVD player.  There was very little fighting.

However by the end of the trip Ladybug was complaining that none of the movies were working.  I wasn't actually worried about it.  I know my child.  Chances are there was nothing wrong with the DVD player.  Chances are Ladybug has licked and touched and smudged the DVDs.  Yes, I said "lick."  A good cleaning would probably make everything all better for drive home.  When we arrived back to my friend's home I cleaned all the DVDs and tried each one in the portable DVD player.  All worked.  They were gross.

So imagine my surprise when 36 hours later none of the DVDs would work... again.  Here is how that happened.

We had left early in the morning.  We stopped to grab breakfast and gas.  Then we got on the road.  About 15 minutes into the drive (yes 15 minutes!) I hear her in the back seat switching DVD after DVD after DVD.

Mama: What are you doing?  Just pick a movie and watch it.
Ladybug: None of the movies are working.
Mama: How is that possible?
Ladybug: I don't know.
Mama: I just checked all those movies the other day.  They all worked.  What did you do to it?
Ladybug: Nothing!
Mama: Is it plugged in?
Ladybug: Yes.
Mama:  Is it turned on?
Ladybug: Yes.
Mama: Is there a movie in it? (covering all the bases)
Ladybug:: Yes!
Mama: Okay unplug it and turn it off.
Ladybug: Okay. (I should have been worried that she was so compliant)
Mama: Okay now plug it back in and turn it on.
Ladybug: Okay.
Mama: Is it working?
Ladybug: No.
Mama: Well why not? (Like she has an answer?)  It should be working.  What did you do to it?
Ladybug: Nothing!

So I stop.  Because we are getting no where with this conversation.  I reach my hand back so she can hand it to me.  She tosses it to me.  It bounces off my hand and fall to the floor.  I am sure that didn't help.

She picks it up and hands it to me.

And hot chocolate pours out of it!

Now it all makes sense.

It was a long ride home.  And now that it is trashed, we have a long trip ahead of us in 2 weeks when we go back up to look for a place to live.  And a long moving trip when we drive the truck up in about a month.

Mean Mama