The Dredded Diet

The countdown begins.... 7 days.

I have made the decision to take the very drastic step of putting myself on the HCG diet. Pounds & Inches. It is really quite simple. I ingest drops of urine of a pregnant woman (not really) and eat no more then 500 calories per day. Are you serious?? Yep! I have done my research. I have tried everything else. I am desperate. I need to make one last effort or get comfortable being fat. Have you ever noticed that word "diet" is just the word "die" with a "t" at the end?

I am not comfortable in my skin. A few years after graduating from college I got a hair-brained idea that I needed to run a marathon. I ran about 30 miles a week to train and still I only managed to get to 150 pounds. 150 pounds may be an okay weight for some people but on a proud day I am only 5'4". And there are not many proud days lately. Since my training days (which ended many moons ago after several injuries to feet and knees) I have slowly put on about 140 pounds. Okay, at times it was not slowly at all. Sometimes I looked at food and I could feel my hips growing. And then there was the 11 weeks I waited for my adoption referral when I had dinner every night with the boys, Ben & Jerry. And these days I would kill to be 150 pounds.

I want to be able to fit in an airplane seat without taking up part of my daughter's seat. I want to be able to get out of a chair without hoisting myself up. I want to be able to moisturize my feet without twisting myself into a pretzels. I have stopped trimming my toenails because I can find no comfortable way of doing it. As I say this it is becoming abundantly clear to me why I am single.

So the diet is a step by step. Step #1 -- purchase the HCG. I intend to do this tomorrow. Simple enough. And it should arrive after I return from my brief trip this week -- one last time I must cram myself into an airplane seat meant only to be comfortable for Kate Moss. Step #2 -- Loading. I have read many accounts of people in the loading stage. It is 2 days of gorging. I must eat as much fatty foods as I can cram down my throat. When most people talk about this they say how disgusted they are at eating so much. I think those 2 days will be HEAVEN!!! Let's face it, I did not get to be this size by avoiding foods like that. One woman stated at how she felt like puking after eating a cheeseburger, fries, and coke at McDonald's. And I thought it sounded like a regular meal. Bring it on. 2 whole days of loading.....bring it on!

I will check back in next week to let you know how heaven feels.

Mean Mama