Yesterday I earned my name

I am not really a mean mama. Well, I guess at times, but not just for the sake of being mean. However, some woman I ran into (not literally) yesterday would disagree with me.

When Ladybug really wants something that I must, for whatever reason, deny her she starts in on the whine that can only really be done perfectly by someone under the age of 7 years old. AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW! And displays a look that crosses somewhere between hatred and pathetic. At this point my normal response is (in a rather unceremoniously, deadpan way) to say, "I know, I am a mean mama." At which point (about 90% of the time) she responds with, "No you're not." I think this is in an attempt to (have a mentioned yet that Ladybug is very smart for a 5 year old) get me to change my mind. But if I get that response from her I will, without fail, respond with, "Well, I guess I need to try harder to be mean." At which point she will normally fall into giggles and forget what it was that started this episode. So I am not really a mean mama but I wear that title like a badge of honor.

But yesterday some random woman was willing to forcefully tattoo a big scarlet MM (Mean Mama) on my forehead if she could have thought of a way to hold me down in the middle of Target. Despite the fact that a Saturday was wasted with doing boring chores and errands, Ladybug was doing fairly well. So well in fact that I decided to buy her a Princess Tiana barbie while we were in Target. I don't know what came over me because just a few weeks ago in frustration over her behavior I bagged up all of her existing barbies and told her that she could earn their way into the trash or earn their way into her accessible play things. I have thrown a few things away but I have not actually given her anything back. So instead of spending $10 on something new I should have just gotten an old one out of the closet.

But I digress...

After checking out Ladybug announces that she must use the potty. Really?? What is her fascination with public restrooms? And why must she always use the handicapped accessible one? I swear she is part male because there is no such thing as a quick trip to the potty with her. But we did survive. As we were walking out of the bathroom I noticed that one of her shoes had come untied and asked her to take care of it. At which point she turns and throws her foot up in my direction. Now a week earlier I would have just bent down and tied the shoe. But we have spent the week learning to tie shoes and she is actually fairly good at it. So I refuse. She whines a little, she stamps a little, she sits on the floor to take care of it. Now, Ladybug is a master manipulator (for instance I just looked up to find her harassing the cat while looking directly at me to see if I was going to catch her) so she was going to pull out all the stops to make it so I would tie that shoe. She complained. She waved her arms wildly. She whined. Have I mentioned yet that I think that theater may be in her future? I dropped the bags to the floor and leaned against the wall. I redirected her but I refused to tie that shoe. She can do it!

I was so engrossed with my child that I was not paying attention to anybody around me. But I looked up at some point as a woman started to walk past me. I noticed her initially because she was wearing a big flowing dress and was about 9 months pregnant -- hard to miss. As she got to me she stopped and looked directly at me and said, "You need to learn to be nice to children." I was shocked for about 2 seconds. I thought I had been doing well. I was patient (we had exited that bathroom about 10 minutes earlier). I did not yell. I did not roll my eyes. I did not sigh in exasperation. But I did not tie the shoe either (and this is why most children's shoes are velcro). It took a heart beat for me to realize that she was in fact calling me a Mean Mama so I looked at her and said, "My child." Because I do not think fast on my feet and that was the most profound thing I could think of - pathetic, but true. Was this woman who was obviously approaching motherhood and yet had no screaming minis at her heals really going to tell me in public how to parent my child? A child she does not know! Oh, she was! She responded with, "Oh so that makes it okay? You need to be kind to children even if they are yours." And she walked away.

I had images of myself running after her and telling her that no child was perfect and if she thought that she was going to be perfect at mothering then she would soon find out how wrong she was. The things that I have learned since becoming a parent are that I will make mistakes on a regular basis; I do need to save for college AND therapy; and that nobody can parent my child any better then me because nobody is with her as much as I am. But I decided that that was not a show I wanted to put on for my daughter so, instead of running after the "top candidate for mother of the year," I leaned down to Ladybug and said, "If you want me to tie those shoes for you I will but we will be getting rid of them when we get home if you aren't willing to tie them yourself."

She had the shoes tied in about 10 seconds!

Mean Mama