Nothing like the holidays to bring out the attachment issues

Sometime ago I made the decision that Ladybug was not yet ready to have friends over to our house.  She is age appropriate for it but her attachment issues get in the way.  She can, however, go over to other kid's house.  She can share other people's parents, she is still not ready to share me.

I thought maybe that sharing me with her cousin, K, would be okay.  I mean, she is an only child who is not use to sharing her things with others but I thought she might not be threatened by me showing affection to K.  This would be the test because this would be the first time since we had started therapy that family was coming to our house for the holiday.

Overall she did great.  She let me hug K.  She let me joke with K.  She let me hold K's hand.  She let me do K's hair (but maybe she liked seeing me torture her).  But she reached her limit.  And I knew it instantly.

I was in the living room with K and Ladybug.  Ladybug was coloring and I was trying to teach K how to put a shoe on her foot.  This was not an easy process... for a number of reasons.  First is that K is 4.5 years old.  Kids who are 4.5 years old are not necessarily great at a step by step process.  Second is that K has a bit if a weight issue and it affects her ability to move (4.5 years old, 45 inches tall, and 70 pounds can affect your ability to be limber, agile and flexible). I had her sitting on the floor and I was asking her to reach down, hold the tongue of the sneaker and put her foot in the shoe.  Every time she reached for her foot she would roll onto her back.  But I kept encouraging her to try.  Until finally she rolled back in a wrong direction and she smacked the back of her head on the corner of the TV stand.

I scooped K up in my arms because I knew smacking her head must have really hurt.  And as I scooped K up and dealt with the injury, I saw Ladybug quietly get up and go upstairs.  So fit.  No yelling.  No dirty looks.  No stomping.  Nobody else even noticed her going up.  I did.  And I knew.  She had reached her limit.  Once K was calm enough to go see her mama (who was just in the kitchen on her computer and didn't come to see why her child was crying -- or maybe she just trusted me to handle it) I headed upstairs and found her crying on my bed.

Mama: Come cuddle with me (laying down on the bed)
Ladybug: No.
Mama: Are you mad at me?
Ladybug: Yes.
Mama: Why?
Ladybug: Because you want to replace me.

Yep, I was right.  We talked some more until she was at least willing to look at me -- even though she was not yet willing to believe me that I was not replacing her.  And then we had to go on errands.  She stated she wasn't ready to forgive me.  She told me she still felt like "punishing" me.  I decided to just let that go.  She is allowed to feel that way as long as she remains polite and respectful.  And I let her know that.

We went on the errands, which included going to Toys R Us (yes, on black Friday) but she was emotionally exhausted from the attachment issues she opted to stay in the car (with me) and sleep.  Everybody else went in and shopped.

Not bad for a family weekend.

Mean Mama