Lost

I know my blog is called "losing it" but I am feeling really lost lately.  I know I am not suppose to be here doing this.  I know this isn't my life.  This isn't what I had planned.  This isn't what I dreamed.  This isn't what I wished for.  But I am unsure what was.  I feel hopeless.  And empty.  I feel tired.

Things with Ladybug are difficult.  Despite the fact that her birth certificate says she is 6 years old, her attitude is screaming 13.  I finally got in touch with the school counselor to ask for some hints.  She has offered me 15 minutes.  Is that because I am over reacting?  I don't expect her to solve my problems -- just point to some resources.  But 15 minutes is not enough time to understand the issues much less provide the appropriate resources.

I never thought of myself as unemployable before.  I have quit jobs on a whim and the trust that I would get another one before it was a problem.  I have moved nearly 1000 miles away with no job, no apartment, no clue.  And trusted that it would work out.  But I can't seem to even get an interview -- well except for with the company that immediately shut down after my interview. 

I am 40 + something and I have never owned a home.  I know I am not the only one, I know.  I want my own home.  I don't want to feel transitional anymore.

I guess I am just feeling lost and no real idea how to make it turn around.  It just makes me wonder -- how did I get here?

Mean Mama