nerves

I am nervous.  And hopeful.  And scared out of my mind.

Ladybug met with the psychiatrist today.  And for the most part things went well.  She showed her true self.  And the psychiatrist (who Ladybug calls Dr. Swiper - after Dora - because she can't pronounce her last name) says that Ladybug does not need meds at this time.  She said she wouldn't rule it out in the future just yet but she would not take that approach first.  It makes me happy that she is not rushing to medicate my child.  That is a good thing.  She says Ladybug is smart -- maybe too smart.  She says Ladybug has attachment issues but at the same time shows real signs of wanting to fully attach.  She says that Ladybug is emotional and might have anger/rage issues.  She says that Ladybug is very open to therapy and would likely benefit from it quickly -- more so then most kids she sees.  So it is back to therapy on Monday with Miss Kitty (okay not her real name but I will remember it).  Despite the fact that I am spending a boat load of money I do not have, I am happy with my choices around this so far.

That was the hopeful part.

The nervous part is ... I have a job interview in the morning.  I hate job interviews.  I hate selling myself.  I hate it.  Look, here is the deal.  I am good.  I can do the job or I wouldn't have applied.  And you will not regret hiring me.  And if I suck, I promise to quit.  1 minute.  I could do that kind of job interview.  But alas I am sure that is not how it will go.  It will be a phone interview.  9:30am.  Luckily the bosses are out of town so I can do this without their knowledge on short notice.  My understanding is there will be more than one person on the other end of the phone -- no pressure there.  It would be a rather significant pay cut for me.  And since money is already tight I have to seriously consider if I can handle it financially.  One of the options I am considering (and I am open to any random stranger's opinion on this) is cashing in my IRA, paying off my credit cards, paying a large chunk on my car loan and then refinancing the rest of it, and then maybe I can afford the lower salary.  Maybe. Do I really want to start fresh with saving for retirement at age 40 + something?   I need to do more research on things like cost of living in that area (rent, heat, etc).  I need to figure out summer camps and after school. 

All this makes my heart beat faster than it should.

Mean Mama