Workshop: week 1

Before I get started ... on my rant (because we all know it is coming) ... I thought I would just say that I understand that play therapy is a valid form of therapy.  I do understand that many families could benefit from this.

But let's get started....

First, I was the only parent who showed up...for the first hour.  Another mom showed up 1 hour late...and it was over 10 minutes after that.  Second, I am not a freshman in college with no experience.  Don't treat me like I don't have a clue about human nature, parenting, development.  I have a BA is social work (not quite to the status of the Master's in counseling the leader has but still).  I have 24 years of working in crisis intervention.  I have 22 years of working in the sexual assault and domestic violence fields.  I have 4 years of experience working with teenage juvenile delinquents (mentally ill, drug addicts, aggression, sex offenders, etc).  I have 4 years of running a confidential domestic violence shelter.  I have 6 years of working for a family law attorney.  Treat me with the respect I have earned.  I just need help with my child.

So we started out by her asking me how therapy is going.  It is nice that she remembered.  And she seems to know the group of therapists I am using.  So I reminded her that I have been only that 1 time.  And that Ladybug will start next week.  At which point she adamantly said to me, "Why does she have to go?  There is no reason why she needs to see a therapist."  Yep, there it is again.  And all I can think is... I don't know if I can make it through an hour of this.  I decided to keep my mouth shut.

So the premise is that I spend 1/2 hour per week playing with my child.  One half hour?????  Done.  I mean.  daily.  And that it needs to be completely child led.  She gets to make all the decisions.  And I must watch until invited in.  Ummmmm.  Okay, why????  Because she spends all the time following other people's rules... teachers, me, after school program leaders, etc.  This is a time for her to be in control.  Should I remind her that she tries to steal control all the time?  I didn't.  But I am having serious concerns.  I mean, I have been reading about attachment issues and they seem to say the child gets no control (but that is entirely different post).  Is it wise to be using this method along with worrying about attachment?  But we continue on.

She gives me a list of toys I must get for her.  Like dolls, dollhouse, pots, markers, etc.  It continues until we get to the list of toys representing aggression.  I am suppose to provide her with toys that represent aggression?  Let's back up -- yes, I am speaking up -- have I told you about her aggression.  Biting, hitting, kicking, throwing things.  And you want me to give her aggressive toys.  Let's name a few: Bob pag (which I later found out was a typo and it was suppose to be a bop bag -- which she had at one point but had to get rid of because she beat it to tiny little pieces), toy guns, hand cuffs, toy swords, etc.  Ummmmm.  NO!  I will not have those toys in my house.  I will not provide them to her.  No.  No.  NO!  She says she understands and that Ladybug can "play with the ones we have at the school."  Okay.  What part of NO is not clear.  I do not -- repeat, do NOT -- want my child playing with those types of toys.  She has enough aggression.  I am trying to limit it.  At which point she tells me she needs to be given an avenue to get it out.  NO. NO.  NO.  She does not need to be encouraged to be aggressive.  She needs to be encouraged to handle it differently.  She needs to be encouraged to tap into her compassion and her empathy.  NO aggression toys.  Period.

I think she got it.

And my homework before the next workshop (yes, I agreed to go back) is to observe my child.  To watch her.  Listen to her.  Pay attention to her.  And discover something new about her that I never knew before.  Watch her and discover something about the child I never knew before?  Does she think I don't watch her 24/7.  Well, actually I don't...since I work.  I will try.  But I will be shocked (STUNNED) if I discover something new about her.  I mean, generally speaking my child is completely annoyed with me because I know her movements, her looks, her smiles.  She hates that she can't pull the wool over my eyes.

I don't have much faith... just in case I haven't been clear.

Mean Mama